Ready To Give Up... But I Cant Say It... Help

We have been married for 13 years he cheated twice with my first cousin left me and my boys twice. This all strarted Dec 2009. 
I accepted when he admitted hoping he would change found out they were still communicating on march 2010 and aug 2010 some aruguements happend and he decided to leave me and my 2 two boys it was so hard for me and sept my mom passed away i was still grieving for my husband and the cousin who i thought was a sister to me.
After 6 months he asked me if he can come back home. First time he came back i accepted him hoping we could fix it. We went to counselling after 5 months and he realized still he cant UNDO the feelings for her he was not over her. He said when he came back the first time
They"ended" the affair.

. He left the second time i told him
I can no longer coexist with him and sure enough since he was lonely he reached out to her and they were together again my cousin was married to. and later on he told  me by writing he wants to move on his life with her. 

Once i finally admitted to my family the reason we were separted and who the OW. 
That was a big fiasco... Ao many people got hurt and he said after 2 yrs he feel guilty and realized the mistake he did and NOW wants to come back to me. He said if i find it unfair and cannot take him
Back he would understand and maybe we should file for divorce and i said yeah we an file for it and then he changed his mind again he is very unstable BUT very honest to his feelings he still needs to heal from her bec he was really in love to her... Im so lost and so hurt
When he left 2nd time i tried to move on and focus and prioritize my kids now he sees me im ok and realized thinga he is pulling me down again im back with no peace of mind and sleepless nights...
Help really need advise..
Searching4help09 Searching4help09
5 Responses Jan 25, 2012

LEAVE the sob,,,!,,,!!!!!!

Honestly I am so sorry to read this, the actual act of typing this and putting it out there must have hurt as well. So sorry, you do not deserve to be treated like this. You know in your heart what you must do, and that is to put yourself and your children first. You still care about your husband, he is the father of your children, but sadly he does not care about anyone but himself and never will. Take all the support from family and friends you can get, to stay strong and move forward with your life away from him. Wishing you well, you deserve better, if nothing else peace of mind. Don't engage with his madness, how he feels, loves etc, it is over between you two. Speak about your children of course, but the rest of what is going on in his life, don't let him unburden his crap on you.

I am going to give the guys point of view as I see it. He won't change even when he says he will and promises you everything to believe him.Move on, file for the divorce and make sure you keep your children involved in what is going on. They will understand as long as they know that they weren't the reason for the divorce. Not personal experience but My sister went through the same thing many years ago and after the third time she actually realized that it wasn't ever going to work out. Support from family and friends will get you through this and then you can start a new life with someone who is trustworthly. Take of yourself

This is a very good answer.

Think you need to close this part of your life and file for divorce,but you have the children so have to sort out visitation and alamony for them,here if you want to talk,You can move forwards and be strong,learn to love yourself,and kids they now become your world as for EX thats it he's EX so remember you have FULL custody of kids and be strong you can do it!

maybe he should go to a sex therapist. Otherwise tell him get lost, its better being alone,then to let you loose yourself because of him. Kids will always love you. Will men?