I Am On The Verge Of Having A Nervous Breakdown.....

The last 5 years of my life has taken such a downward curve.
I lost my job in Charleston of 12 years with I loved. Had to sell my very first and only beautiful home that I ever had or lived in.
Had to move 2 hours away from my friends, or I thought they were... I never see them now, because I could no longer afford to stay in the city. To a smaller and darker house. I have done all that I can do to try to make it nice but its a house, not my home.
My family have all passed except for my sister and my son. My sister is a classic NPD. She drains me. Brings constant stress into my life.
One son who I hide things from so he will not worry about me....

I am having to work more and more hours with less pay. So I am always worried about money and paying my bills. Seem to never have enough for food or medication.
I work everyday with no time for me, no downtime or peace. Which being an HSP I need it to survive. I work over 40 hours a week running a thrift store, Have two homes that I clean for every other week, one is in Charleston, a 19 room house. The lady I use to do craftwork for lets me work part time for her now (the reason I lost my job to begin with was because she got married to a loser who does not work, so she had to let me go in order to keep him up, its so nice to feel so valued)....I do that when I have a quiet moment at the shop, or end up doing it on the weekends because I was too busy during the week.
I do not see anyone, no time to.
And truely the little town that I moved to, there is nothing or no one here that I would even be intrested in.
I have thought about suicide.... do not think that I would ever go there, but the thought has crossed my mind so many times.... I only want to sleep because thats the only peace I get anymore.
But here lately.... my dreams are beginning to reflect my daily life....

Every time that I try to make my life easier.... I feel like it always gets shot down.

Can anyone relate?
kjoy82 kjoy82
56-60, F
2 Responses Nov 27, 2012

Hi, everybody!
I made a facebook page for all those people who need a trustworthy friend, who need someone to listen closely their problems, who don't judge them and much more. I always loved to help people so that's why i'm here;
Anyone who's interested to share their feelings, can pm me initially and if it'll be necessary i'll provide you an e-mail address.
I can't wait to meet my first friends here Perhaps you're wondering why I'm doing this - I have no explanation, I just felt I have do it id..a sort of "call". I know how hard is to have none to talk to in your most critical moments of your life; I can tell, from my own experience, sometimes you don't need an advice but you need someone to listen to you, cause it helps so much just to release what you feel. I don't pretend I'm a good adviser, but I'm a good listener and everybody said I have a positive influence in their lives. Whatever, in case it will work, I'll do my best to answer you as fast as I can, giving the time difference.
I'll be back with more details..

My facebook name is Eve Eve.

Smile!

Hi

I had a Nervous Breakdown 6 years ago. I had lost my Father to Bowel Cancer and two years later got Bowel Cancer myself.

I beat the Cancer but never really dealt with my Fear of Death and Dying.

The Breakdown came suddenly. I was exhausted one night but could not sleep. My Head felt like it was being pulled into the mattress with an almost spinning sensation. This went on for a couple of hours, so disturbing me I rang an Ambulance. I was so confused on the phone they sent the Police as well.

The Hospital gave me some sedatives which eventually eased the feelings and I was sent home.

I sat in Silence staring at a Blank wall for three days and nights until I came round and asked for a piece of Paper. I wrote down all the Good things and the bad things in my Life for some reason.

I kept the Paper and look at it sometimes when I forget what is important.

I can only say that I felt like my Mind had been "Rebooted" and since then my Fear has subsided and Life seems a lot better.

Please go and see your Doctor as it does sound like you need some help and support.

If you want to talk please drop me a message and lets have a long chat

Robert XX

Thank you for responding Robert..... I am sorry to hear about your father. But happy to know that you made it through :). That had to be very scary for you?
My health is good, maybe not so good mentally though lol. Or I would not be on here.
Did you feel totally numb inside, feeling like you have no more feelings to offer to anyone or anything? My pets are the only thing that seem to keep me grounded.
My only escape is reading a book at bedtime. It helps me relax, if I have nothing to read there is no sleep.

Yes... I would like to keep in touch and chat sometime, thank you for offering.
And I promise to see my doctor when I can.

Those feelings of Numbness and lack of emotion are fairly descriptive of someone with a form of Depression. Your Doctor should be able to help you with some prescribed medication which will help. Long Walks and Fresh Air will lift your spirits as well. Try and avoid the company of "Friends" who do not lift your spirits as well. Rob XX

Thank you .....

Fear of dying? Yes that I can understand, I lost my fear of dying when I lost everyone who meant anything to me. When my Dad past, I was there holding him. No more fear of death for me.... but now I do fear more for my son when I go. I am not scared.... if my dad can go through that process, then I can also.


As far as the company I keep. I do try to stay away from "friends" on a daily basis if possible. Its hard when they are working with you. I get feel like I get stressed just trying to stay away from the stress lol.

I keep feeling like I am going to shut down, like a machine... you know like the batteries are dead. I do not want to move. Can not handle noisy places, it totally exhausts me.

I may not have told you this but I was in an art gallery in charleston. I painted acrylic on canvas. I have not be able to do any painting now because of working so much, for the last 4 years.
So I added a pic of my work so you could see my work.