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Lazy Hubby What to Do....

Hi,

First let me say I do not believe in divorce unless a spouse has cheated.

When I met my hubby and for about a year after he was the most wonderful man in the world. He would help with EVERY chore on a regular basis, plus he went to work everyday he had to.

Now that we moved to the same area as his family...well things couldn't be worse (figure of speech)

He goes to work each day for 12 hours...I think that is enough in one day....so I do not expect anything from him during that time. The thing is in one months time EVERY month he has 2 weeks off....so he really is only working 2 weeks a month. There have been several times he has overslept (I used to make sure he got up) because I didn't make him get up. When he does get up and realizes he takes his sweet time before heading out the door. I ask what the heck are you doing ...you gotta get going now! His response is I am thinking I forgot something (while he just sits there smoking a cig) doing nothing to move along faster. He says it doesn't matter because if he is late well he is late already anyhow. What are your thoughts on this?

Another thing I have noticed is he is home 2 weeks a month and well quite frankly he thinks that if he washed dishes once and did a load of laundry once in the month...well he thinks he does it all the time and that he did the greatest thing in the world. I have let him know I appreciate that he helped, but then he goes right back to doing nothing. I don't get it.I have expressed to him before the things I would like him to help with. It doesn't do any good. I just told him 3 times now that I had done 2 loads of wash....and had folded them, could you please put them away? Guess what folks... the laundry sat in those baskets for 1 week and 6 days. Then I put them away.

He says he doesn't have the same timing as me...well if I want something done, I want it done within a day or 2. Am I being ridicolous? Or shall I just leave everything sit until (his timing) comes along?

Things that I do are: work full time and I have 4 days off in one month, so my schedule is 12 days work 2 days off and the majority of those are 12 hour days. I do the cleaning ie... dusting, vacuuming, bathrooms, closets, laundry, cooking, handle all the finances because he asked me to (he admitted he isn't very good with money) as I was a single mom for 12 years and managed to stay afloat with making 24 thousand a year. So I don't understand if I write the check for his car payment and address, put it in the envelope,and stamp it...why does he always forget to mail his own payment?

This is just some of the things bothering me. He was never like this until we moved to the same state a town away from his family. Does anyone know why he would be like this? Am I being unfair to expect a little help?

What are your suggestions?

 

 

unhappywife71 unhappywife71 36-40 5 Responses Jul 13, 2008

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Hi! I am in the same boat as you. He makes more money than me and is always seeking love and approval from me and the kids. But he will "get sick" when I get one week of vacation. I clean and cook and pay all the bills ( with my check) but he always wants to go and spend money on movies and restaurants. I have him a list of bills and told him he needed to pay for them. He told me he would give me half his check but he complains that his jobs always shorted his check and gives me the bill to pay! But will go and buy movies or eat out everyday!!! I told him I wanted a divorce and he starts to cry! ( I hate men who cry!!!) he has even tries to convinence the kids that he loves them more than me!!! I really can't stand him but my kids cry when I want to walk out! He does nothing for me and wants sex thinking that if I give in this has solved our problem!!!! He is 10 yrs younger than me and complains like he is a old man! I am 40 yrs. I am drowning and desperately need to get in a boat and sail AWAY!!!!

Just shut up, get in the kitchen and make him a sandwich. Everything will be O.K.

I am so sorry for your cicumstances! Sounds exactly like my husband. A load of laundry could sit there until eternity before he would act on it. I would ask yourself - can you do this for the next year? Can you do this for the next five years? If those thoughts scare you, I would seriously look into divorce. Men are so damned lazy and useless! Frankly, I would just rather be by myself - because I 'm already doing every thing now. Why do I need a man to sit around the house, own his own business, procrastinate and do nothing all day long? While I'm working, doing cleaning, taking care of every single aspect of lawn care. I learned how to mix cement these past few days to plug up holes on our front step that critters have been digging at for the past year. Do you think he could help me? Why be with someone who contributes like zilch to the marriage. That's the boat I'm in sister!

Thanks for replying.

I do have to say it has been a very long time since I have been on here, several months! I do have to let you know ...You are right it can deffinately be worse and it is. My lazy hubby lost his job back in Nov. Now I know it is hard to get a job right now, but...tell me your really trying when you sleep in until about 11:00 or noon each day and do not go out to look or apply for jobs, but rather you sit home all day playing Play Station 2 games and games on the computer. Meanwhile your wife (ME) goes to work everyday just to make ends meet, then can come home to what...oh do more work the hubby could have done while he sat on his arse all day. I come home to cook for the family, then clean up, do laundry, clean the house etc... pay bills, get the groceries, and whatever else needs to be done because I am RESPONSIBLE person. I don't wait for someone to do things for me. He just lays back thinking wife will take care of everything and make it all better. Result I have decided to move to my home state where the living expense isn't so high and also family is there. I gave all this up for him, wish that maybe I hadn't ever left. I will not allow my credit to go down the tubes just to stay in a state i hate, job I despise, and cost of living too much. He decided ok I will go ahead and move...he doesn't have a problem just to pick up and leave his family...I feel like I am his sugar mama. So yeah it can be worse I guess right?!? Just how much worse will I allow it to get...

I just found this website and read your story and trust me i can relate. First let me start by saying I don't believe in Divorce unless one spouse cheats either. I can so relate to your story I just finished strongly expressing my view to my husband about how I don't believe he does his part as head of our household once again he said write a list and I will get to it. I can only imagine how many trees have died from this list I write and rewrite and rewrite. My husband has a Master Degree and makes more but yet he couldn't pay a bill if it saved his life.

Anything I want to buy he says we don't need so If I go out and buy it he says its my bill example furniture (when ours was falling apart) televisions (which he watches) computer ( which he uses) . We recently moved I refused to be the one to buy the washer and dryer we have been in this house for 18 months and we still don't have one but you know what he goes to the laundry mat because I REFUSE to but he washes and drys them and brings them home for the kids and I to put up. He also buys food for the home and attempts to spend 65 for food a week for a family of seven so you know what happens I have to offset that and buy food along with paying electric, gas. But I want to make sure I am honest he pays the water bill normally its 175 every 4 months ours is up to 650 why because he can't pay a bill. I know you asked for suggestions but I just wanted to let you know it could always be worse