Divorce Or Remain Exhausted

I am a mother of 2 children from a prior marriage. My husband has 2 children from a prior marriage. We have adopted one son together. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. He has become a mean, angry, hateful, man. He drinks daily and falls asleep on the couch several times during the day. He refuses to help around the house. I do all the inside and outside chores. He is fine having me ask someone other than him for help on projects I can not complete myself. He gets angry when I ask his children to help with the chores and calls me a slave driver. He constantly is yelling at my children and our adopted son. His children from his previous marriage are the only ones that seem to make him smile. I work 2 jobs and am trying to arrainge our budget so I do not need to get a third. I have worked three jobs off and on since we have married, and always two. He thinks his 8 hours a day as a police officer is enough, he refuses overtime and extra security assignments. I feel he hates me and that he thinks I am beneath him. I think he married me to care for him and his children, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. I am exhausted and I feel cheated.  
Sonshine02 Sonshine02
31-35, F
7 Responses May 29, 2007

Kick him to the curb, it will only get worse and I know this from my own experience. Your not being there to take care of him and all his baggage is what he needs, you are already working and apparently used to it now for a while. I finally just figured out my husband is just like this and I believe he is just so lazy it is easier to just sit around and ignore anything that needs doing. LAZY!

Then why are you still with him? Why? Why? Fix it now!

Divorce..sometimes all we can do is look at the bad things in our marriages, and when you start thinking of divorce, does you head start to think.."But i love him?". My husband works about 18 hours a week, me 40 plus, he still makes more money than me, therefore he feels it's okay I do everything. So, not only do I work 3 times as much, I also do all chores, cooking, shopping etc. Plus, I pay a good portion of the bills out of my paycheck, along with all food expenses. He spends all his spare time on the PC playing games. His thing is.."At least I am home and not in the bars.", yeah, at least. We have been together for 14 yrs, I have come to the conclusion the way things are, will not change no matter how many times I write down my complaints, or blow up, or just try to discuss. When the discussion comes up, I either get laughed at, or doors slamming. I do love my husband, we have always got along except for this one thing.."Please Help me!!"..it does not happen. I wrote him a letter last week detailing all that is bothersome to me, in a "nice manner", we went about 3 days of no speaking, when I asked if we can discuss things, I got "I am not talking about it, I will write you back"..that was over a week ago now. I do love him, but I feel things just are not equal in many ways. When i think about leaving him, my heart says one thing, and my head another..until they both match..i am torn of what to do.

Not quite the same as your story but I m getting divorced my husband got sent to work in lovely exotic places abroad and instead of coming home with loads of extra money for our extension done on the house to dinish it he came home in debt and with a phillipine girlfreind and in debt and wants a divorce. he s welcome to it I ve had it with him he s had affairs before but not ever brought someone to the family home and have them live in the spare room with him , they are flat hunting thank goodness as she is also pregan whe says its his!!! but its not normal I could be on the Jerry Springer show and its certainly not fair on my 12year old son who he now calls my son (I thought it took two to make him) he wants or it seems nothing to do with the son he has, says I am unreasonable WHAT I ve put up with her in my home for 8 wks, can t see another wife doing that, but due to his debts he sfinding it difficult to afford to rent. But his problem I did nt run up 8.000 in mobile phone bills phoning abroad. plus other debtsCant rember the ast time he came to parents evening and he s done nothing on the home to help finish off extension came home for daya and went straight to manilla to see her. Nice for his son who wanted to see more of him.I m partially sighted and although he s worked away for the last 4 years at least I ve tried to keep eerything tidy done lots of coolege courses waste of time according to him. But if my eye op abroad works they will be useful then as I can hopefully get a good job from them.child protection, sighn language first aid psychology, etc and now trying to learn cines. so hope to prove hoim wrong, if I missed a cobweb it was the end of the world I thought if you can see it and I can you get it down but NO.So I have great sympathy with youo you cant have any social life and communication does nt sound god You sound a very strong kind ,hard working person and I know you can do better,if you dont mind me saying. Be nice for someone to treat you and take care of you for a change and give you a break must be loads of peole out there who would love a person like you. Keep strong and chin up your strong and intelligent and I hope to hear from yu and let me know how you are doing take care paula x

Oh yes, he has to go. I wish there was a way to get him fired too, because he's exactly the type of cop we don't need, and the type who gives the rest a bad name.

What are you doing still there? He does not sound like he deserves you.This is just my opinion so I hope you dont get offended.i was in a similiar situation and I used to turn my back on it until it got to the extreme.You need to think about the kids here.What kind of an example do you want them to grow up with,how do you want them to be when they grow up?It sounds to me like you have enough fight and strength in you to make it on your own,hell you already have multiple jobs.Do you want to continue putting up with that ****? I know divorce is not always as easy as mine was, but you can do better and you will feel so relieved when you no longer have to answer to a lazy abusive ***. He will not change so please do not torture your heart or your three kids' hearts any more.If you need anyone to talk to I am here.

You every right to feel that way.