My husband and l have been together for seven years.l saw him in a bar in my hometown.The trouble is we partied every night and drank alot until l fell pregnant. In the cold light of day l took a good hard look at him and decided that l didn't much like him after all. We split up. He carried on drinking very heavily and was in the bar every day from 12 until 12.l decided to immigrate and when it didn't work out he followed me to help me with the children.l was vulnerable,lonely and really desperate so we decided to give it another go.
We have since had another beautiful boy who absolutely adores his father but the trouble is, l can't stand the sight of my husband anymore.We haven't had sex in months (he has put on weight and dosen't brush his teeth and comes to bed without bathing) l just cannot stand him touching me.
He lost his job and we are on Benefits thank god or we wouldn't be eating.We get help with the rent and he spends that too. The bailiffs have been several times.l recieve threatening letters everyday from creditors. He is really rude about my mom but seems quite happy to borrow from her. He gets job seekers allowance but spends it on himself. He says at 11.00am in the morning l am just going to the post office or the bank and arrives back at six in the evening and had quite clearly been drinking.No apologies explanantions or even a phone call.The phone has been cut off so we wait here with no phone all day and he takes the car too.
l am nervous and tense all the time, l would have left him long ago but don't want to have to hand my children over to a drunk who also drinks and drives. l am so unhappy and very bitter its changing the way l look l can actually see it on my face.
We never argue because he can be really nasty nor do we ever discuss anything. If l dare approach him about any of my worries them he dismisses me like l am the village idiot or he says that l am being over dramatic as usual. l am desperately trying to keep it together for the boys sake as they adore their father, and l am also a product of a broken home and l am convinced it has scarred me for life. But l am really begining to wonder if it is all worth it
l want to either end it or sort but have absolutely no idea how to approach it.He left home when he was sixteen so has had little or no guidance from his mother on how to conduct an interpersonal relationship and worst of all l think he thinks everything is fine.He has no idea of bad it really is.
l am a practising Catholic and my vows and my God mean alot to me but some days l cannot believe that God would want me this unhappy.