Tired Mom of Three Fed Up With Lazy Husband!
When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. I married him after two years and promised him I would stay with him as long as he never cheated or hit me (I was in an abusive relationship in the past). I knew he was lazy when I married him but I never thought it would get this bad. We have two beautiful children (Aidan and Emma, ages 3 and 18 months), who I love with every bit of my being, and I am now eight months pregnant with a baby girl (we named her Bella). This baby was a surprise. I was not happy when I found out and it took me a long time to get used to the fact that I was going to have another baby. My husband has never helped with either child, I had to have family move in and help out. He was too busy playing video games or sleeping on the couch.
I work 50 hours a week as a news editor for Trib Total Media, I clean the house, do the laundry, cook (once in a while -- we eat take-out too), bath and care for my kids and do all the grocery shopping. My husband lost his job four months ago due to his laziness and not following instruction. He filed for unemployment and was receiving benefits until recently. He never tried to get a job. I asked him numerous times to help me more, I have begged, pleaded, and then finally yelled at him about his laziness. I have never pushed or nagged at him to get a job, I felt it better to let him make his own decision. Plus, I am not the nagging type, I am more of a push over. I told him all I wanted from him was to do more chores while he was unemployed so I didn't have to go home and clean after working 9 1/2 hours. He has cleaned twice in four months. When I say cleaned, he vaccumed and did a few dishes.
He never cares when I get sick, he just blows me off like I am faking it or tries to compete with me. For example, today I told him I wasn't feeling well and I was getting a toothache (which can be serious when you are pregnant). His response was, "My head hurts. I am not feeling good either." When I finally get mad and yell at him for not caring or helping me, he just throws a guilt trip on me, "Well, what the hell do you do? You sit at a desk all day. You don't do **** either." He admits he says things when we argue just to hurt me. Recently, at 30 weeks pregnant, I was taken to the hospital for cramping and pressure. After hours of evaluation, they sent me home, instructing me to take it easy, no lifting, and to try and rest. This weekend, I was sick of seeing my house a mess so I started to clean. I was lifting loads of laundry in front of my husband, cleaning, vaccumming, etc. and he never offered to help or try to stop me from lifting the heavy laundry. He just sat on his chair, texting and watching sports.
Every night my back is in searing pain because I am doing too much. I can't help it though because I cannot allow my children to live in a dirty home, but my house is huge and too much for a little 122 pound pregnant woman to handle. My husband was taken to court recently and he lost his unemployment benefits. Still no job or even an attempt to go get one. He is still "studying" for his insurance exam. We can't survive on my income. Every day I come home and the house looks the same as it did the night before, just more dirty dishes and laundry he adds to it. He sits at home all day and does nothing. When I ask why he didn't atleast do some dishes, he says "I wasn't here all day." But that is always what he says and I know he is lying, I have checked.
Why is my husband doing this to me? I don't see how he can love me, yet not see that he is tearing me down into nothing. I miss the way things used to be. Its not like I haven't begged and cried to him for help. Nothing has worked and I am ready to give up. I am in therapy and am talking to doctors about my depression. I am terrifyed to have this baby with him when he doesn't help me and he is getting worse by the day. The funny thing is, he still expects sex whenever he wants it and gets mad when we don't.
Can someone please help me or talk to me about this? I am afraid I am going to lose my mind.