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Tired Mom of Three Fed Up With Lazy Husband!

When I met my husband, I knew he was the one. I married him after two years and promised him I would stay with him as long as he never cheated or hit me (I was in an abusive relationship in the past). I knew he was lazy when I married him but I never thought it would get this bad. We have two beautiful children (Aidan and Emma, ages 3 and 18 months), who I love with every bit of my being, and I am now eight months pregnant with a baby girl (we named her Bella). This baby was a surprise. I was not happy when I found out and it took me a long time to get used to the fact that I was going to have another baby. My husband has never helped with either child, I had to have family move in and help out. He was too busy playing video games or sleeping on the couch.

I work 50 hours a week as a news editor for Trib Total Media, I clean the house, do the laundry, cook (once in a while -- we eat take-out too), bath and care for my kids and do all the grocery shopping. My husband lost his job four months ago due to his laziness and not following instruction. He filed for unemployment and was receiving benefits until recently. He never tried to get a job. I asked him numerous times to help me more, I have begged, pleaded, and then finally yelled at him about his laziness. I have never pushed or nagged at him to get a job, I felt it better to let him make his own decision. Plus, I am not the nagging type, I am more of a push over. I told him all I wanted from him was to do more chores while he was unemployed so I didn't have to go home and clean after working 9 1/2 hours. He has cleaned twice in four months. When I say cleaned, he vaccumed and did a few dishes.

He never cares when I get sick, he just blows me off like I am faking it or tries to compete with me. For example, today I told him I wasn't feeling well and I was getting a toothache (which can be serious when you are pregnant). His response was, "My head hurts. I am not feeling good either." When I finally get mad and yell at him for not caring or helping me, he just throws a guilt trip on me, "Well, what the hell do you do? You sit at a desk all day. You don't do **** either." He admits he says things when we argue just to hurt me. Recently, at 30 weeks pregnant, I was taken to the hospital for cramping and pressure. After hours of evaluation, they sent me home, instructing me to take it easy, no lifting, and to try and rest. This weekend, I was sick of seeing my house a mess so I started to clean. I was lifting loads of laundry in front of my husband, cleaning, vaccumming, etc. and he never offered to help or try to stop me from lifting the heavy laundry. He just sat on his chair, texting and watching sports.

Every night my back is in searing pain because I am doing too much. I can't help it though because I cannot allow my children to live in a dirty home, but my house is huge and too much for a little 122 pound pregnant woman to handle. My husband was taken to court recently and he lost his unemployment benefits. Still no job or even an attempt to go get one. He is still "studying" for his insurance exam. We can't survive on my income. Every day I come home and the house looks the same as it did the night before, just more dirty dishes and laundry he adds to it. He sits at home all day and does nothing. When I ask why he didn't atleast do some dishes, he says "I wasn't here all day." But that is always what he says and I know he is lying, I have checked.

Why is my husband doing this to me? I don't see how he can love me, yet not see that he is tearing me down into nothing. I miss the way things used to be. Its not like I haven't begged and cried to him for help. Nothing has worked and I am ready to give up. I am in therapy and am talking to doctors about my depression. I am terrifyed to have this baby with him when he doesn't help me and he is getting worse by the day. The funny thing is, he still expects sex whenever he wants it and gets mad when we don't.

Can someone please help me or talk to me about this? I am afraid I am going to lose my mind.

MommaO379 MommaO379 22-25, F 29 Responses May 5, 2009

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I was just like your husband until I decided to grow up and take responsibility. Now she stays home while I work. I am thankful for people who pushed me to become a better person.

I just wanted to let you know there is hope! I was married to an extremely abusive man (as well as his parents to wards me) and because I was pregnant I felt like I couldn't get out-- was told they would take my kid among other things. The first time he beat me up was when I was 2 mos pregnant. After we got married he lost his job and took along time to find another one because he thought he was too good. For most of our marriage I made twice as much money. He got a good job where he made within ten thousand of what I did and we were making over 100k as a couple, but we never had any money-- I found out he had developed a drug addiction. The physical and mental abuse was horrible, but I had tried to leave once and it didn't work. Long story short I eventually left with my 18 mos old son, a laundry basket with some of our things, and the money in my pocket. Had no home, no car, very little money--- but I had hope. After leaving him he went nuts. The final straw was, while picking up my son, he wouldn't let us leave his house. He pulled not one, but three guns on me. I won't go into too much detail but his charges for that day are domestic assault and battery in front of a minor, assault with a deadly, kidnapping, four counts of sexual assault, four counts of assault by strangulation, and first degree rape. This was his second time to be in jail in ten mos. His parents bailed him out both times. They have paid almost 100k in bond alone. He is back in jail bc after bonding him out the last time he assaulted his dad in their front yard and the neighbors called the cops (the dad lied on the stand and said the neighbors didnt know what they were talking about and the judge said he lied on the stand). He also broke the protective order I had pulled by relentlessly trying to contact me and when I wouldn't respond he posted topless photos of me on Facebook and tagged my friends and co workers. He has pled not guilty to ALL charges and his jury trial is in five months. He has promised to kill me when he gets out. His plea deal was thirty years with no parole so I don't expect him out anytime soon as they are going for life now. My point to telling you this is to point out that this man wasnt always this way. I loved him very much. He started out as somewhat entitled and migrated too controlling to mentally abusive to so abusive that it caused my son to be born prematurely ( he is a healthy two year old now but you know how we mother are-- I was mortified ). He would rape me relentlessly without warning. He became a complete monster. While before leaving I told myself I would stay for my son, when I left it was because of my son. Children need and deserve to grow up where they see happy and loving relationships. That's how they learn to have their own relationships in the future. When I left I had nothing in the way of material possessions. There were days I wouldn't eat to so my son could. I don't want to make it sound like I was starving because I didn't starve but I definitely did without a lot to make sure he was always okay. As of today, I'm engaged to a man that I would have never believed existed. He is a doctor at a hospital where he is the medical director/hospitalist and that's a stressful and demanding job. He MOrE than provides for his family and when he comes home he will do dishes and laundry and cook and clean (not to say I don't do this things too, but I never feel like the work at home isn't so fair). He never says no when I ask for help. He is loving and kind and is adopting my son and he truly treats him as his own (he too was adopted and doesn't know his biological father so maybe he just understands that it's the person that is there that counts). He isn't a myth and I know that if and when all of you decide to leave your situations, god will provide and pave a road to a place that is beyond your wildest expectations. There isn't a day I wake up that I'm not thankful for this life. If any of you need help getting out, let me know. I will do anything in my paper to help. I fought for custody for my son, it took me over a year. This is only a brief part of my story, but I promise you I know of a lot of great organizations that can help you. Praying for you all.

Gas bill misc household cleaning products my daughters every need all I hear is oh itll get better negro plz game refignize game and that.chest board im not playing on

In there early 40s uhuh rieiculous I pay all rhe billa proviee mobey for laundry cigerettes light bill

Just a short excuse for just being a space on this earth a woman was meant to charise and adore God gave her toyou as a blessing not a item u uae and abuse and depreciate its only so many times u should have to tell him to shower I mean jesus even a homeless man showers ask him to stop lying ask him to help you financially every man I knows searches for a job until he hears your hired not constantly telling you hes trying but hes constantly hangingbout in the street im seeking a grown man not a lost boy whose

He doing the same things nothing so at the end of November I will be leaving him for good in here's with everything im sick of talking I have one child not two

We had been off and on in a relationship I thought maybe because we move to a new location that he would do better **** different toilet the past ****

Wow I have been dealing with my husband for over 18 years now we recently got married may 7,2013 he s lazy when we're together but if I leave her starts working and doing what he should this is b efore the marriage

Omg! Reading your story is like reading my own story. Almost everything you said is identical to my situation. I've been the bread winner for over 14 years. Worked full time, owned a business, studied part-time , raised 2 boys & now six months pregnant (another boy) while my lazy husband enjoy his carefree cruising life while I suffer. A child that never grows up. I cried myself to sleep most nights & pretty badly tonight - hence why I can't sleep & reading these posts. There's been dozen of times at least that I wanted a divorce & even got the forms completed but he ripped them up. And after his days of doing nothing, and I'm so tired near collapsing, he still wants sex & I must oblige or another fight. I am a wimp when it comes to family & love so I cannot leave him no matter how hard I tried (maybe not hard enough).
So in terms of your situation I say leave him! Don't be a wimp like me. Move on with your life. You deserve better. I also freaked out by the thought of raising my newborn knowing I won't get the help & support I deserve. All I can do is hope & pray - miracles may happen or someone fantastic man will take me away.
Good luck & pls look after yourself & your new born. It's a blessing to be pregnant with a girl.

I'm sorry, but your message made me so mad!  If you let him act that way then he will. Who wouldn't want a holiday life if they could get away with it? Have a calm unemotional discussion, clearly lay out your minimum expectations of what a husband and father is, write it down, be specific. Tell him that he can meet these expectations or leave. And you have to mean it. I'm not kidding, what kind of life will you and your kids have if this goes on? You need to be strong. (If you are a Christian be comforted that you are allowed by Christ to separate due to non -support).

I am so sad that your newfound pregnancy is not a joyful suprise for you because the simple fact is that you know with out a doubt your hubby won't help....I wish I could hug you or tell you everything is going to be alright. I had a tooth pulled when I was 7 months pregnant so I know exactly what you are going through. Sometimes I think a lot of the problem is our society...it's become acceptable for men to be bigger babies then our babies. It's disgusting...can you imagine if they had to deliver or even carry the baby? Surely the human race would be extinct !

My husband has not worked in 4 years. I finally took all the toys away, the video games, tv, and at last the sex that caused alot of problems. I finally asked if he loved me... When no real answer came I gave him a year in Sept. to find a job or get out, he has yet to find a job. Do you have family or close friends who are willing to help? There are alot of support groups. It's hard when you love them and they seem not to feel the same way. My heart goes out to you and I pray all goes well.

I have a lazy fat husband. I left and filed for divorce but had to leave my son home with him. I was told to because he had just as much right as I do. My husband had begged me to come back and I did like an idoit thought everything was going to change and it didnt. Now Im in such a mess he had won physical custody and I moved back in just to be with my son. I dont know what to do I cant take my son away as I would like to and start fresh away from this mind battering monster. The divorce is still out there and the cousty thing is still there any suggestion would be appriciated.

Men can be great. Yours is a loser. Get rid of him now - he takes you for granted, if he was actually capable of caring he would have gotten off his *** by now. If my husband lost his job, he would have gone to McDonalds or Starbucks or something just to make a bit of money, and if he were at home he would be cleaning and cooking and earning his keep. Kick this worthless ******* to the curb and bring up your kids where they are safe from such a poisonous role model.

He is most likely addicted to something, ****???

I've Been married a few days shy of a year and my husband is a lazy *** too. He wasnt like this when we got married. He used to pitch in, do laundry, vacuum, dishes. Now I can't even get him to put his clothes in the hamper. We constantly fight over who is taking the dog out. He always tells me he will do afternoon walk if I take her when I wake up. Then he never follows through. Mind you, this is only a dog. He wants to start havjng children but I told him that until he can prove to me that he can help out around the house I am not havjng a baby. I do not want to be stuck taking care of him, the baby, the house and the dog. I'll rip my hair out

My husband and I both work but I do all the work at home. We have a 3 year old daughter. We've been married for 7 months and together for 5 years. He gets home after work and sits in front of his pc and plays game. He leaves plates, socks, clothes, glases lying around. Basically he leaves everything he touches lying around. I cook, clean, do the laundry, wash the baby, feed the baby , vaccum the house, wash the car. He can't even wash the car because he says its my car so I should wash. He doesn't want me to take the car to the car wash because he says its a waste of money.



When we moved into the house we renting we had to paint it. i painted the house, fixed the cupboards. If the car has a puncture I change the tire while he sits and watches.



When I came back from the hospital after i had my baby girl (C - section). I had to clean, cook and look after the baby all on m own. The operation was so painful everytime I had to lift the baby from her cot and breastfeeed. He wouldn't wake up at night for the feedings, just thinking about it makes me want to cry because of the pain I went through.



I pay for the car we are using and he gave away the previous one I got from my mother to his aunt. When I ask for the money he tells me he had nothing to do with that and I should go get the money myself.



I made a big mistake getting married and I am miserable.



I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you becuase I' m thinking of moving out as it is.



I'm scared of getting a divorce because of what my family and his family will say because we have only been married for 7 months.

i know we are all told men are suppose to be strong, but he may be depressed for losing his job and is not able to cope with it. I had a similiar situation, and i had to live with his mother for two years! But after nagging him to the point of arguing, i started denying him sex and looking for a home with or without him. if he really loves you and you threaten to leave (mean buisness)he will straigten up his act. My hubby didnt want to lose us and got with the program. Yes he is still in his lazy mode at times, but he is a work in progress. Be strong, your happiness is important, and if you are miserable, how can you raise healthy children depressed all the time? I know i couldn't, been there done that. Good luck sweetie you can make it!

i know we are all told men are suppose to be strong, but he may be depressed for losing his job and is not able to cope with it. I had a similiar situation, and i had to live with his mother for two years! But after nagging him to the point of arguing, i started denying him sex and looking for a home with or without him. if he really loves you and you threaten to leave (mean buisness)he will straigten up his act. My hubby didnt want to lose us and got with the program. Yes he is still in his lazy mode at times, but he is a work in progress. Be strong, your happiness is important, and if you are miserable, how can you raise healthy children depressed all the time? I know i couldn't, been there done that. Good luck sweetie you can make it!

i know we are all told men are suppose to be strong, but he may be depressed for losing his job and is not able to cope with it. I had a similiar situation, and i had to live with his mother for two years! But after nagging him to the point of arguing, i started denying him sex and looking for a home with or without him. if he really loves you and you threaten to leave (mean buisness)he will straigten up his act. My hubby didnt want to lose us and got with the program. Yes he is still in his lazy mode at times, but he is a work in progress. Be strong, your happiness is important, and if you are miserable, how can you raise healthy children depressed all the time? I know i couldn't, been there done that. Good luck sweetie you can make it!

Leave him. It will only get worse. He shows he does not love you or respect you in any way. If he did he would show you by action, cleaning, trying harder to find a job, ect. If you let him get away with it, as he has, it wil never change. He is comfortable in this situation, he has no reason to change his behavior in any way. I had to leave my husband of almost 29 years because he became very lazy and had developed a sense of entitlement. It was very painful for me to see he did not love or respect me anymore and had not for quite awhile. This is a form of abuse. Good luck.

Wow! There are so many out there that I can relate to. I've been married for 10 years. My husband and I both work part time switching shift as a babysitters now a days charge so much per child. We have three children together all under 10 years. We live on a bi weekly pay check just enough to get by day by day. My day consists of absolutely nothing but work since the day my first one was conceived. My job requires me to stand up and lift slightly heavy things. I work at a fast food place so i am constantly on my toes, serving customers, cooking and prepping to make sure everything goes well, When I get home from work, I still do do some work but not as much as my job. I am a dishwasher in my family and slowly letting my kids do some too... I have been so tired to clean up after everyone so I have let my two eldest daughters pick up after themselves. I must say that they are doing well compared to their own father. I still pick up after my husbands garbage and does his dirty laundry too. Primarily, my husband does the bills and the groceries. He has more control of our finances. He is more control of our car. He will not let me drive because he is not confident in me. If i could drive, I'd be more control of our groceries and Wouldn't have to rely on weekly take outs. His job is a delivery driver, I'm not quite sure how stressful it is but he claims that the jobs takes a lot of his energy and efforts. I don't have much of a hobby just being able to sit in front of the computer, walk the dog and watch movies at the end of the day. His hobbies consist of playing video games or hanging out with his friend outside home. He is stubborn and will not budge with chores no matter how much I have stressed this issue with him. Something so little such as dishes could set off a fight between us. What can I do? Keep looking on a the positive side of things rather than complain about chores. My husband is so out of shape and has suggested him to walk the dog that he bought or do some gardening. If only I had time, I would love to work on my yard. Sometime I question his love for me although he has said how much he loves me. He could care less his health and would rather eat fried/ junk foods and smoke like a chimney. All I know is that a person that wants to live longer will try to stay away from that as much as possible. I smoke to to relieve my stresses in life. Also, he complains to me about how much I don't show any interest or don't initiate sex. I'm not quite sure if I was that in love with him now than i was with him then before we had kids. I am absolutely tired and do not have the drive anymore to please him. Its not that complicated but it doesn't take rocket science for him to realize that maybe if he contributed a little bit of physical help from him that maybe it might lift some burden off my shoulders and find myself more in love with him. I'm not exactly banning him from his friends or his video games. He can still do all those, we just need his time that is all. It's been two years since you have posted this, hope things has had changed for you guys. I can only hope mine will change for the good too. Good luck!

I have two children and I work outside the home. I have a husband who has a job, but that is the only thing he does to contribute to our family. He doesn't clean, cook (not even grill in the summer), do anything with the kids (except yell at them or look at his Blackberry when he's with them), no laundry, no cleaning up after himself, no maintenance on our house. It used to be so nice, now its falling apart.. He to complains about the lack of sex. As if I'm supposed to work, come home and take care of the house and kids, get dinner on the table, throw a load of wash in, get lunches and clothes out for the kids for school, help with homework and bedtime, then go food shopping. Really, then I'm supposed to get on my knees and service him too? Really? Right now, my husband has spent all day Saturday on the couch and is still sleeping now. It's 11:40. He has no energy, except when he goes out with his friends, which includes a girl he works with that's just a friend, although it was a secret that they were hanging out and texting. I'm starting to agree with these other comments about divorce. Nothing has changed in 10 years. Even when I was having a miscarriage over the summer, my husband did nothing to help. Unfortunately, I can't afford to take care of them financially by myself. I've given up nagging, who wants to be called a nag all the time. I just go about my business and say nothing. Sorry for the long post with no real advice. Just felt like venting to people who would obviously understand. Good luck. I hope things get better.

I can relate to all your articles, I am married for over 30 years now and each year I felt he would change, from the beginning after having our first child - he did not do much to help, in any way. He stopped working regularly for the past 9 years now blaming the work situation, but I realized he turned into an alcoholic which he still denies. I managed to leave and am maintaining my 3 children, but he still calls to haunt me, to make me feel guilty, he has a way of turning things around. I worked looked after the kids, he stopped going out with us, became a loner and I realized I was mother and father to my children. Got the strength to move out and am much happier now, as I have peace even though I am battling to maintain the children, I am still happy. No one to bicker and put me down, no one trying to bully me. Believe me I have more peace now, my children are happier also. Some men are just not cut out to be husbands or fathers, presently he does not support us but still has the guts to say he loves us !

I can relate to all your articles, I am married for over 30 years now and each year I felt he would change, from the beginning after having our first child - he did not do much to help, in any way. He stopped working regularly for the past 9 years now blaming the work situation, but I realized he turned into an alcoholic which he still denies. I managed to leave and am maintaining my 3 children, but he still calls to haunt me, to make me feel guilty, he has a way of turning things around. I worked looked after the kids, he stopped going out with us, became a loner and I realized I was mother and father to my children. Got the strength to move out and am much happier now, as I have peace even though I am battling to maintain the children, I am still happy. No one to bicker and put me down, no one trying to bully me. Believe me I have more peace now, my children are happier also. Some men are just not cut out to be husbands or fathers, presently he does not support us but still has the guts to say he loves us !

Men are pigs. The majority of them are lazy and they just sit on their fat ***** letting their women do everything. You need to kick him out of the house. What do you need him for anyway? You are doing it on your own anyway, it's like you are a single mother so why not get rid of him. It will decrease the stress you are under and you will no longer have to nag and yell at the lazy pig.



Get rid of him. You don't need that! He is acting like a child. Spoilt pig. Stop allowing him to walk all over you. Kick him to the curb & let him be someone else's big fat problem.

Men are pigs. The majority of them are lazy and they just sit on their fat ***** letting their women do everything. You need to kick him out of the house. What do you need him for anyway? You are doing it on your own anyway, it's like you are a single mother so why not get rid of him. It will decrease the stress you are under and you will no longer have to nag and yell at the lazy pig.



Get rid of him. You don't need that! He is acting like a child. Spoilt pig. Stop allowing him to walk all over you. Kick him to the curb & let him be someone else's big fat problem.

You have a few options:



1. Leave. I mean, you already probably feel like a single mother anyway, so if you DID leave, it won't really make much difference. The only difference would be you'll have 3 kids to take care of not 3 kids plus a lazy slob man-child



2. Go on strike. If you don't want to leave him, stay, but just don't do anything for him. Don't wash his clothes, don't cook his dinner etc, just take care of yourself and your kids. If he needs clean clothes but doesn't have any, well he either had to get off his lazy backside and wash them himself or wear dirty clothes. Don't give him any money either, maybe this way he might be motivated to get up and get a job, even if it's just a part time one.



3. Go on a break, I don't just mean a few weeks, I mean a few months, stay at a friend's or relatives for a while with the kids and hopefully when (or if) you decided to go back to him he might have realised that he does need to start pulling his weight and get a job. But just remember, having time apart doesn't fix things, you can't expect things to be fine once you go back. You'll both need to work things out, talk to each other, even go to relationship counceling.



I am very sorry you are going through this. My dp can be lazy as well and doesn't help much with housework or kids, but he does work Monday to Friday. In your situation I would have walked out years ago. Good luck :)

You must find a way to force your husband to leave your home. Please see a lawyer who can help you by filing the paperwork to get a court to require him to leave. He is not going to change - no amount of good cheer,begging, showing by example, or hostility will make him decide to change his ways. You have to face the fact that the marriage was a mistake, and get on with your life without him. Your children will be better off with him gone - he can have visitation with them -he may even be a better father by having them for visits instead of living with them. Stay Strong. I promise,if you divorce him, life will be better.