Don't Expect Anything And You Will Not Be Let Down

I used to make jokes about how most of the men that I attracted were the walking wounded. How they had all suffered hardship that had affected them--right into my experiences with them. I was most surprised to discover this past week that I now qualify for this label. My trust in men is completely shot to sh+t, basically. I have been told that trust is earned. My problem is that I am not willing to give anyone a chance anymore. I am so hurt off my last 11 year affair. I expect new men to lie to me. I find myself not believing anything they say. This is not a good way to begin any level of relationship. I also do not trust anyone, man or woman, to not judge me for my past--while I am on guard for dark places in theirs. It makes no sense. I see the discrepancies. I am powerless, at the moment, to overcome my fear of being a fool again--of being jerked around again. I am cloaked when I used to be so open...

I am on guard for the slightest sign of B.S.

I just want to love and be loved. I wish that I could figure out how to let someone in a little--how to believe someone a little--enough to want to ask questions and not think that their answers will be lies.

It is a quandrary.

My heart is behind a fortress...when all I want is to be curled up with him in a teepee.

greenlionburning greenlionburning
41-45
2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Doubt is energy that effects our existence,wondering if a future relationship is pure can be nagative power, it uses up precious pshchic energy in our hearts, minds,and souls.

I think in time we all need that to readjust our eyes from time to time, but we can only do that when we open up and we can only do that when we feel safe and safety comes from some semblance some token from without, from another to you. It is the exchange of kind/safe/loving/trusting energy which we need to heal from pains. It does take time, maybe all our lives Sister to walk the path of healing, well we're on it aren't we! <br />
Salut and bravo for sharing and being you! I get it. You will be in a teepee again, i bet on it :)!<br />
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i am here for you, hugs, and love K.