Defining My Imaginary Wall

I feel like I’ve hit the wall. Just like the movie “Clueless” back in 1995, most specifically “Cher” who was played by Alicia Silverstone where she was trying – all in her best – to survive the ups and downs of her adolescent life. Her external demeanor sort of buried her true self – charming, smart, and a truly phenomenal woman. The world she lived in, realistically up until now, was full of contributing factors to her great “cluelessness’” as to what’s really out there and that the world her eyes chooses to see has more than what it’s worth.

A combination of different things is making me crave for changes. The big inspiration is having been to San Francisco over three years ago and I, since then, had been hoping for rather immediate life transformation. After realizing that it wasn’t possible, I’ve considered re-focusing some of my attention to other things such as spending more quality time with my mom, re-connecting to my old habits, exploring other activities that doesn’t involve friends, and devoting some ‘me’ time whenever I get a chance – or should I say whenever I get away from my Mon-Fri/11-7pm prison? It feels great though. I don’t know, but it does. However, the “doing it alone” does appear to have that negative connotations, I think, to most people. Perhaps that idea when actualized, perceived or otherwise, a self-beneficial interest of solitaire, that space is ULTRA-essential between you and the rest of the world.

I think part of the cons of being fascinated with solitaire confinement is that you dodge every single human being and their respective, possibly shady interests and agendas go bouncing off the wall. As I live my life each day, year after year, I’m finding out that I’m wanting different things or actually valuing different things. Analogically, much like dating that every single failed candidate, you clearly see what you want and what you don’t want. Prospects give you all levels of perspective satisfaction, and in return, we tend to search for whomever that person is who would otherwise ‘go with the flow’ with your own conclusion or reasoning and discard anyone that doesn’t suit your perspective. I quite frankly may slightly have that problem, which I have to admit I need to re-shape it for good. I need to be more open-minded and able to accept different sides of life and people for their individuality.

I’m so ready to take another vacation. I could use a long, stress-free, warm (low humidity) environment, where not a single conference call would even have the ability coming through my phone circuit. Definitely a place where absolutely no reception, other than 911 calls, for any type of calls to get through. I need to invest more of the me time – quality me time – so that I can get to know myself again.

Good thing the weather has been calming down a bit. I would have been gaining a few here and there, otherwise. Quite honestly, I have been slacking beyond big time in working out and I think partly because of my crazy schedule and workload lately. “De-workaholizing myself, too, is on the list of things I need to do! I’m too much a movie ****, if you will, that I would give up a somewhat moderate day for a good ‘ole Marvel movie with cheddar cheese popcorn.

So, today’s horoscope is on the spot, yet again. I’m taking it to mean that I have to be extra careful when making decisions and that there’s a limit to what you can do at a given time, at a given place, and at a given situation, and what changes I should make and figure out the best way how to implement them:

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): The new moon focuses on emotions and feelings, and generates high levels of wisdom and sensitivity. You’ll be in a strong position to calm and soothe a minor quandary, and you’ll be able to keep all parties happy without having to take sides. Don’t allow this issue to absorb all of your time today, though!
Sebastian420 Sebastian420
Dec 9, 2012