I've Unlocked The Brain-hatch.

I used to be a very close-minded person. I started going to church as a fetus and ever since then, one view of God, other people, the world, and how I should view myself has been relentlessly pounded into my skull. In school they encouraged us to think for ourselves, but at home it would've been an incredibly aweful thing if I was to ever consider believing something else. I believed that God was real, that I was nothing without God working through me, that I was sinful but could ask for forgiveness, that to be a true christian I needed to give my entire life over to the works of God, and that everyone who didnt believe in god and wasn't a true Christian was going to hell.

Now for a long time, I truly believed this with all my heart. And I have this problem where I care about everybody? Yah, it's a huge issue I know, I need help. So you can imagine how stressed out I was all the time about the people I cared about going to hell and suffering unbearable torture for eternity. I have small anxiety attacks once in a while and I think it stemmed from this stress and the fear of being too sinful to go to heaven.

A man I met this summer changed my life completely. At first I'd be pretty put out with him when he'd refer to bible stories as "Christian mytho's" but over time I started listening to what he was saying and slowly realizing an aweful lot. The Bible is one book. One book that a lot of people take and base their entire life around. In fact, that is their life, the bible, praying, and church and church events. That was my life. There are so many other religions out there and every one believes they are right and that all the others are wrong and 'lost'. Have you ever thought about that?

Trying to be a Christian was something I failed at time and time again and I realize now that I was just obsessing over a religious sect that was not meant for me. I was constantly unhappy, and guilty, and asking for forgiveness. I couldn't live the life I had always dreamed of growing up because I learned that it was wrong and selfish and sinful to do so. I couldn't buy the land and build the small stone cottage and have the horses if it was my responsibility to witness to everyone around the world. I couldnt travel all over the world site seeing and experiencing beautiful things if I had to go to church and bible study and save life's in third world countries from goin to hell. I couldn't sit down with my husband and have a glass of wine or a beer because it's wrong to drink. I couldn't have a cigarette once in a while because I was damaging the 'temple' that god made for me.

Everyway I turned I was oppressed and now I'm free of it. All of it except my parents oppression which is the worst of all. They have their plan for me and I'm not following and they aren't happy let me tell you. They've made it personal, telling me that I'm the cause of their tears and stress and that I'm an embarrassment. They say I'm disobeying them when I'm really just trying to figure out who I am.

I think I should leave home but I can't decide. I hate this environment though. I suppose I could use advice :) should I just go and travel? Should I follow that dream as far as I can? My mom thinks I need therapy cuz I told her I wanted to get a working holiday visa and travel and work in other places like the states. She said it doesn't even make sense and it's not normal. She makes me feel like a person who really has gone mad..
janealoneontheplain janealoneontheplain
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 18, 2012

I have spent many years studying the bible, koran, hindu and buddist beliefs. I have found that they are all basically the same. Monotheological or one God. so I figure its not what religeon you choose, its that you believe.
Find yourself my friend. experience life, good and evil are in all people, and religeons.
Even the sacred bible is filled with contradictions. As are all books written about the "rules" for living.

Mine is simple. Be good to everyone.

Believe in yourself and God will be proud. If he didnt want you to think he wouldnt have given you free will!

If you like to read I suggest "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins.

So what's next? What are you going to do? Do you still believe in good and evil? Sorry to bombard you with questions like that up front. I hope you find happiness.

Yes absolutely I believe there is good in this world and I also believe there is evil. And I'm not sure what it is I'll do. I'd just like a fresh start, in a new town, in a new environment.

Sounds like a good beginning to the next chapter of your life.

I do believe you're right