True Open-mindedness.

I feel like everyone else is in this dream, and I'm the only one awake from it.

To some, at first glance I may seem like the most close-minded person of all. I have never had a drink, or have ever done any sort of recreational drug of any kind. I've been in my mind, 100% clean since '89.

Its not something I'm proud of, but for the fact I'm following what I believe in. Peoples reactions range from putting me on a pedestal, to looking down on me. I've been called pure, close-minded, boring and many other varying titles many many times.

For years, I thought of myself as a close-minded extremist who was just different then everyone. That is, until I met my ex-boss. He only drank on occasion, and had tried pot only once. However, the reason he impacted me was something he had said to me one conversation. He told me he didn't hold as much value to my opinion of drugs as someone who had at least tried it. It was at that point I knew what being close-minded really was.

Although I didn't agree, I could see clearly why he felt that way. It didn't take long for me to figure out that there are reasons behind everything people do and say. We are all afraid of being judged. We seem to be programmed to gravitate toward others of our same thinking.

You know, I can't come up with one good reason why I don't want to do drugs. I know why its good to not, but for myself, its just the way I am. The reason I'm programmed like this is because my parents divorced when I was three. They had met in the AA, at the ripe old age of 19. Both with a history of heavy substance. They were happy together for 16 years, until my mom started to do heavy drugs again while my dad was out of town. I ended up two states away from her when I was a toddler. Their actions did NOT ruin my life. Or better it. But it definitely changed it. Growing up, my mom went to a clinic and got clean, and I saw my dad quit smoking. Without a decision on my part at all, It was just programmed into me that NOT doing those things will save me some time and heartache.

I have to say, It takes no effort to say no. I have no cravings. I don't have peer pressure. I just do what I do best, and that is to be me. I remember an instance when someone asked me how I could have fun without drinking. I couldn't help but ask myself how you could have fun doing such a thing.

Now I'm getting to my point.

I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years. Just like any couple, we've had our differences. As you guessed, I'm clean and she does pot on rare occasion. I can't begin to explain how messed up it makes me when she does it. No matter how infrequent, or how safe she is being. Several people have told me to chill out, and that I should be glad that's all she does. I used to hold it against her for making me feel bad. As if her doing it hurts me. We've broken up over it in the past, and struggled to find a happy medium. For the longest time, I was close-minded. I felt like I didn't want to be with someone who does drugs. I held it against her, and wanted her to change that for me.

Over the past couple years, I've come to realize the fact that if i really wanted it to work with her, I needed to be open to how she felt about it. I NEEDED to let her be her. There was no other way. And, that's the way it has been. I've come to the point where I see why people do what they do. And that every little detail can be looked at in any way. Speeding to me isn't the least bit "bad" But to someone else, it could make me look like a bad person.

The decisions you make dictate the life you live.

For everyone else, let them live theirs.

DiscoBiscuit DiscoBiscuit
18-21, M
2 Responses Feb 11, 2010

I appreciate your input! It makes me happy I was able to touch someone. <br />
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Something just came to mind about what I said about me not having a real reason for myself to not do drugs. There is one. Both my mom and my brother are bi-polar to the point that it makes day to day living much harder then it should be. And as for me, I have "Severe repeating depression". I take no medication for it, although people tell me I should. I know that with my family's history of drug/alcohol abuse coupled with my depression could lead me to become dependent on substance if I thought it made me feel better. I have an addictive personality as it is. Lately my evil has been going to goodwill to find old videogames lol.

such an excellent account which i can relate to from my own experiences. My ex fiance taught me to be open minded and I am so greatful for having him in my life and for teaching me to look everything from many ways. I am still learning to be open minded as my immediate family are not unfortuntley to my annoyance. But being open minded can bring the truth of reality into a greater perspective and can bring many a new opportunity along the journeys in our lives. Goodluck with yours & thanks for sharing. x