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How I Asked My Husband To Try Swinging

It all started about 8 months ago. My husband was away on a business trip, I was home alone and horny, so I decided to search the internet for sex websites. I came across a few where people were chatting about affairs, **********, group sex, sexless marriages and so on. This got me thinking... I love my husband...we have been together for 17 yrs and married for 11...we have 4 kids.  What was missing? He always wanted sex more than me, which is normal, for most women. But why didn't I want it? Maybe I missed those butterflies you feel when you are in a new relationship. Maybe it was just getting monotonous. I guess I could have tried sex toys, role playing, etc, but I just didn't think that would cut it.

I began researching alternate lifestyles. I read a book called "Opening Up" and watched a show on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) about Swinging.  After finally getting my nerves up, I suggested to my husband that I wanted an "open marriage" where each of us could have sex with someone else...no questions asked. I was sure he missed that butterfly feeling as well. I knew, like most guys out there, that he would love to **** another girl.

After all, we are one of the few animals to practice monogamy. We like to think we are monogamous, but many of us cheat, so we aren't. I do know that there are many of you who totally disagree and believe that monogamy is best, but not me, and there are so many out there who feel the same as me.  Our society and religions have "rules" for sex that we are all supposed to follow because it's the "right" thing to do.  I, personally disagree with these rules.

He was reluctant, of course, because I am "his girl" and the thought of sharing me made him sick. So we went back and forth, me always being the one to bring it up. He just didn't seem into the whole "open marriage" thing. I couldn't blame him. After I read about "swinging" I had him watch the Oprah show and slowly began talking more and more about it. I even showed him swing websites.

Finally, he seemed a little more open to it and decided to give it a try...more so because he was fearful that I would do it behind his back, so he figured he might as well join me. After meeting 2 couples, we had our first experience 2 weeks ago and to both of our surprise, absolutely loved it. He never imagined he would be ok with me ******* another guy...especially in front of him...but after we became comfortable with the other couple, we found out that it wasn't that hard after all. We had fun meeting with them, flirting and talking about having sex. It's so much fun searching the websites for other couples, only to find out that so many of them are just normal people, looking for some fun in their lives. Now, we can't wait to try it again.

We are able to separate sex from love.  You have to be open with each other and discuss your feelings. It will be normal to be jealous. Swing websites are filled with happy, committed couples who are also looking to spice things up, so there is less of a chance of falling in love with another swinger, such as what may happen when having an affair....or meeting people on EP!

So, unless you decide to open up to your spouse about your sexual fantasies, you will never know how they really feel. You might be shocked to find out that they are interested in exploring new things. After all, you only live once...I think...unless there is such a thing as re-incarnation...then maybe you can swing in your next life as well!

I suggest you first watch some **** together which shows other couples doing it, such as "Skin to the Max" on Cinemax. Ask your partner "what do you think of that...would it ever interest you?" If your partner seems fascinated, then give it a shot. What's the worst that can happen...he or she gets mad and kicks you out of the house...just kidding, although I'm sure that is reality.

We are just a regular, down to earth, intelligent, professional couple, who believe in living life to it's fullest without fear of being judged.

Good Luck to all of you.
HotSexyMom HotSexyMom 36-40, F 97 Responses Feb 20, 2013

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We are not into swinging, but would like to try it once. However, the risk is that one may like it and the other wouldn't. So, its riskier than what most people assume. I don't know if you ever discussed whether there is point where you want to go `no further'... Would love to hear on that.

Good story

Very nice story and advice. Thanks for that.

Great story with some good substantial advice, thanks for sharing it.

Been thinking about the same thing. I went back to see how you brought it up. Not sure how I will approach this, as I perceive my wife as being not interested in sex. Maybe it's me and she will be tempted. If you have any advice, I am open to it.

so what if your a single guy & wants to join a swinging club ?? what would you say or suggest ??

I really like how you wrote that the other couples you met are "just normal people".

Did you and your husband set any "ground rules" before you started this lifestyle?

No, we haven't.

All in all, I really enjoyed your story. It's well written and VERY intriguing. Thank you. :)

Thank you very much.

Well, that is one of the clearest expressions on this subject I have ever read. Kudo's to you for telling the story so well!

Working on the same over here....

I have a story much like this "The Talk" wife and I openned up and there are sexy things in our future.

all I have to do now is get my wife to say yes, I would love her to be involved

I wish you the best of luck.

That sounds like a great way to bring swinging up to someone that has never thought about it.

Monogamy is a lie.

For many, yes. But, I do believe there are some couples who truly have that rare, loving, monogamous, soul mate type of relationship. Hat's off to them! For the rest of us, let us do what we want to do...live like the animals we really are.

Nice story!

Excellant, more people should think lake you.

Great post. I think you have a level-headed, intelligent approach to sharing each other. A good foundation is absolutely essential. I was the extra for a couple, my friends for years, and they were head over heals for each other. They just wanted to max out their pleasures. They loved it, as did I, and they were your everyday, happy-go-lucky couple. Very private and very sexual. Great experience. My compliments.

Great story, even better attitude. Wishing you both all the best in your adventures.

Great story,thx for sharing. :)

I have been interested in reading about people who take the step to go unconventional, and the process they go through in the agonizingly nerve-wracking way in which they present the idea to their spouse....you write well, and cover a lot...but can you recall and perhaps can write about how you broached it.....over a meal, home or in public, after sex, while canoodling in the jacuzzi, turning off a sexy romantic movie and just blurting it out.....?

You did write that he was not able to give an immediate, definitive answer one way or another, and you must have been gentle in presenting the idea, as he was willing to think about it or converse on it later... I think a story with the actual lead up, softening, preparing the table info would be scintillatingly hot to read.

Maybe I'll write a story, but to answer your question....each time I brought it up, it was while we were watching **** together on tv.

And which of you first suggested that as an activity to share together, vs one hiding in the basement and watching, etc?

That would be me!

Nice.... and he was not shy about agreeing to that level of raising the heat? Do you remember who picked the first title, and what kind of theme it featured? (You had this all planned out, a video in your bag already, eh?)

We've watched **** on tv together for quite a few years now.

Ah, so it is available without that trip down to the video store....the adult toy store....

Would be fun to work there, and serreptitiously watch couples there for their first time together...

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Nice story, and pretty unusual. It's almost always the male that initiates a move toward the "lifestyle".

Thanks for sharing! Okay, your story, not you or your hubby, although I'm sure there are some thanking you for that as well. LOL

You probably don't know this but you may have helped a number of couples with their relationship by sharing this. This well well thought out and presented. Thank you for your insight and perspective on a topic not too many people are comfortable talking about. I look forward to reading more about your experiences as well.

Thank you very much for the positive feedback.

Nice, very nice, it's exciting to go through new experiances and it was interesting to see how you got to doing new things, great read!

Love your shoes.

Thanks, but the avatar isn't me. I liked the shoes too!

Excellent interpretation and account. Really enjoyed reading this!

I really admire you for being brave enough to take the lead on opening up your marriage. And you're right, humans are meant to enjoy that kind of pleasure with more than one person.

Nice, well written story. I wish my wife would come up with that. We love each other deeply but our sex life needs recharging. We've been married almost 25 years. My wife's first husband cheated on her and she divorced him and he married the woman he was having the affair with. The affair may be what is wrong with our marriage and why she may be against swinging. Oh well life goes on.

Look into ANR. It has brought us very close vs swinging. We are also talking about having sex in the same room as another couple but not swapping each other. ANR is amazing and exciting

Very good job on making your desires known. I have been doing the same thing slowly with my wife. Not sure yet if she can handle it. She is still stuck on the ideal on sex and love being the same thing.

Great story,,, I like your approach...

loved your story thanks, gives me ideas what to try with my wife.

well said.

Communication is the key...as long as you both agree, enjoy!