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How I Asked My Husband To Try Swinging

It all started about 8 months ago. My husband was away on a business trip, I was home alone and horny, so I decided to search the internet for sex websites. I came across a few where people were chatting about affairs, **********, group sex, sexless marriages and so on. This got me thinking... I love my husband...we have been together for 17 yrs and married for 11...we have 4 kids.  What was missing? He always wanted sex more than me, which is normal, for most women. But why didn't I want it? Maybe I missed those butterflies you feel when you are in a new relationship. Maybe it was just getting monotonous. I guess I could have tried sex toys, role playing, etc, but I just didn't think that would cut it.

I began researching alternate lifestyles. I read a book called "Opening Up" and watched a show on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) about Swinging.  After finally getting my nerves up, I suggested to my husband that I wanted an "open marriage" where each of us could have sex with someone else...no questions asked. I was sure he missed that butterfly feeling as well. I knew, like most guys out there, that he would love to **** another girl.

After all, we are one of the few animals to practice monogamy. We like to think we are monogamous, but many of us cheat, so we aren't. I do know that there are many of you who totally disagree and believe that monogamy is best, but not me, and there are so many out there who feel the same as me.  Our society and religions have "rules" for sex that we are all supposed to follow because it's the "right" thing to do.  I, personally disagree with these rules.

He was reluctant, of course, because I am "his girl" and the thought of sharing me made him sick. So we went back and forth, me always being the one to bring it up. He just didn't seem into the whole "open marriage" thing. I couldn't blame him. After I read about "swinging" I had him watch the Oprah show and slowly began talking more and more about it. I even showed him swing websites.

Finally, he seemed a little more open to it and decided to give it a try...more so because he was fearful that I would do it behind his back, so he figured he might as well join me. After meeting 2 couples, we had our first experience 2 weeks ago and to both of our surprise, absolutely loved it. He never imagined he would be ok with me ******* another guy...especially in front of him...but after we became comfortable with the other couple, we found out that it wasn't that hard after all. We had fun meeting with them, flirting and talking about having sex. It's so much fun searching the websites for other couples, only to find out that so many of them are just normal people, looking for some fun in their lives. Now, we can't wait to try it again.

We are able to separate sex from love.  You have to be open with each other and discuss your feelings. It will be normal to be jealous. Swing websites are filled with happy, committed couples who are also looking to spice things up, so there is less of a chance of falling in love with another swinger, such as what may happen when having an affair....or meeting people on EP!

So, unless you decide to open up to your spouse about your sexual fantasies, you will never know how they really feel. You might be shocked to find out that they are interested in exploring new things. After all, you only live once...I think...unless there is such a thing as re-incarnation...then maybe you can swing in your next life as well!

I suggest you first watch some **** together which shows other couples doing it, such as "Skin to the Max" on Cinemax. Ask your partner "what do you think of that...would it ever interest you?" If your partner seems fascinated, then give it a shot. What's the worst that can happen...he or she gets mad and kicks you out of the house...just kidding, although I'm sure that is reality.

We are just a regular, down to earth, intelligent, professional couple, who believe in living life to it's fullest without fear of being judged.

Good Luck to all of you.
HotSexyMom HotSexyMom 36-40, F 96 Responses Feb 20, 2013

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Are you still married?????

Very open minded! !

We are not into swinging, but would like to try it once. However, the risk is that one may like it and the other wouldn't. So, its riskier than what most people assume. I don't know if you ever discussed whether there is point where you want to go `no further'... Would love to hear on that.

Good story

Very nice story and advice. Thanks for that.

Great story with some good substantial advice, thanks for sharing it.

Been thinking about the same thing. I went back to see how you brought it up. Not sure how I will approach this, as I perceive my wife as being not interested in sex. Maybe it's me and she will be tempted. If you have any advice, I am open to it.

so what if your a single guy & wants to join a swinging club ?? what would you say or suggest ??

I really like how you wrote that the other couples you met are "just normal people".

Did you and your husband set any "ground rules" before you started this lifestyle?

No, we haven't.

All in all, I really enjoyed your story. It's well written and VERY intriguing. Thank you. :)

Thank you very much.

Well, that is one of the clearest expressions on this subject I have ever read. Kudo's to you for telling the story so well!

Working on the same over here....

I have a story much like this "The Talk" wife and I openned up and there are sexy things in our future.

all I have to do now is get my wife to say yes, I would love her to be involved

I wish you the best of luck.

That sounds like a great way to bring swinging up to someone that has never thought about it.

Monogamy is a lie.

For many, yes. But, I do believe there are some couples who truly have that rare, loving, monogamous, soul mate type of relationship. Hat's off to them! For the rest of us, let us do what we want to do...live like the animals we really are.

Nice story!

Excellant, more people should think lake you.

Great post. I think you have a level-headed, intelligent approach to sharing each other. A good foundation is absolutely essential. I was the extra for a couple, my friends for years, and they were head over heals for each other. They just wanted to max out their pleasures. They loved it, as did I, and they were your everyday, happy-go-lucky couple. Very private and very sexual. Great experience. My compliments.

Great story, even better attitude. Wishing you both all the best in your adventures.

I have been interested in reading about people who take the step to go unconventional, and the process they go through in the agonizingly nerve-wracking way in which they present the idea to their spouse....you write well, and cover a lot...but can you recall and perhaps can write about how you broached it.....over a meal, home or in public, after sex, while canoodling in the jacuzzi, turning off a sexy romantic movie and just blurting it out.....?

You did write that he was not able to give an immediate, definitive answer one way or another, and you must have been gentle in presenting the idea, as he was willing to think about it or converse on it later... I think a story with the actual lead up, softening, preparing the table info would be scintillatingly hot to read.

Maybe I'll write a story, but to answer your question....each time I brought it up, it was while we were watching **** together on tv.

And which of you first suggested that as an activity to share together, vs one hiding in the basement and watching, etc?

That would be me!

Nice.... and he was not shy about agreeing to that level of raising the heat? Do you remember who picked the first title, and what kind of theme it featured? (You had this all planned out, a video in your bag already, eh?)

We've watched **** on tv together for quite a few years now.

Ah, so it is available without that trip down to the video store....the adult toy store....

Would be fun to work there, and serreptitiously watch couples there for their first time together...

3 More Responses

Nice story, and pretty unusual. It's almost always the male that initiates a move toward the "lifestyle".

Thanks for sharing! Okay, your story, not you or your hubby, although I'm sure there are some thanking you for that as well. LOL

You probably don't know this but you may have helped a number of couples with their relationship by sharing this. This well well thought out and presented. Thank you for your insight and perspective on a topic not too many people are comfortable talking about. I look forward to reading more about your experiences as well.

Thank you very much for the positive feedback.

Nice, very nice, it's exciting to go through new experiances and it was interesting to see how you got to doing new things, great read!

Love your shoes.

Thanks, but the avatar isn't me. I liked the shoes too!

Excellent interpretation and account. Really enjoyed reading this!

I really admire you for being brave enough to take the lead on opening up your marriage. And you're right, humans are meant to enjoy that kind of pleasure with more than one person.

Nice, well written story. I wish my wife would come up with that. We love each other deeply but our sex life needs recharging. We've been married almost 25 years. My wife's first husband cheated on her and she divorced him and he married the woman he was having the affair with. The affair may be what is wrong with our marriage and why she may be against swinging. Oh well life goes on.

Look into ANR. It has brought us very close vs swinging. We are also talking about having sex in the same room as another couple but not swapping each other. ANR is amazing and exciting

Great story,,, I like your approach...

loved your story thanks, gives me ideas what to try with my wife.

well said.

Communication is the key...as long as you both agree, enjoy!

Im glad he opened up and tried it. Sounds like your marriage and lives are happier now, more than ever. Keep posting the stories, they are wonderful! I would love a similar home life. Im trying, even ********** with a male, hopefully soon.

good to see you that yor are very brave,,and honest too

its better to go for swinging instead of cheating your hubby...

I just love your attitude girl. Its your honesty and communication that has gotten you exactly what you want and need. And your marriage is flourishing with it too. Others should sit up and take note!

Need a date?

that a yes? ;)

A date for....a swing party....a foursome....myself? Please be more specific technologic21. Leave your number and address and I'll come over and pick you up!

Just for you...for starters. But how about adding me first so we can discuss the rest in private?

My wife wouldn't have to talk me into it lol.

Perfect we believe you have hit it correctly

Very well said. It has been really good for us as we'll.

I totally agree with your advice, thanks for sharing. We have had the same experience and have become much closer. Our sex life is now out of this world, we enjoy each other so much more.

Great advice... and I am glad you are happy!

And "Good Luck" right back atcha ! Nice story

Thanks for posting this. I loved reading how you opened up and told your husband about. Great story.

My wife and I experienced our first sexual experience a few months ago with another woman. We are considering engaging with another couple if we can find the right chemistry. I have never been so turned on watching my wife with another woman and being able to share in the experience. I can only imagine what sex with another couple will be like. We are open to sharing and watching each other enjoy another couple and have the most erotic conversations about it. We are currently looking for the right connection and hope to find it soon.

I used pretty much the same technic that you did with my wife to get her to try the lifestyle. We tried a few times and although she enjoyed the sex, she did not enjoy the lifestyle much to my dismay as I really enjoyed both the sex and the lifestyle. We ended up not continuing and the marriage survived. I continued affairs from time to time and she did not. I would still like to participate. It is an exciting and fun group of people.

hope you will add me

loved your story i am trying to get my wife to do the same after 35 years of marraige i am still very much in love but would likr to have more in the bedroom

<<

???

&lt;&lt;&lt; just joined this swingers site in hopes of meeting or to run into a couple exactly like the 2 of you :)

Enjoy the sharing to live life to the max. Keep going on the sharing into 3some

There are many, many on this site trying to get their wife to be more sexually adventursome, and very few women. I hope your adventures bring you and her husband many happy times

You are so right, sometimes all it takes is a little variety...

I'm ready for many things, but this scares me a little. Sounds very exciting though.

Great story! Love to try that too!

Hey very cool best of luck;)

Nice to hear you've had some nice swing experiences. As a single guy I was fortunate to meet a nice couple who swings. They have invited me to join them occasionally. We have become good friends as well as good playmates.

What I want to know is how it worked out, after all this time (almost a year ago now?) . . . glad you did it . . . saved us from getting stale, etc. . . . or led us down a path we didn't anticipate? I can't see my wife being interested AT ALL, but I want to feel like I've considered all the options.

No, it's only been a few months. We started our search for the right couple in January. We have been with 3 couples (one who we have gotten close with...that's in another story) and have been enjoying it. We are taking it slow. After all, it is hard to get a babysitter and suddenly explain why we are going out all the time all of a sudden.

Although I have to admit, it is not that fulfilling for me sexually unless we get to know a couple and have been with them a few times. I find it hard to ****** with someone I'm not close with.

I still would like to have an open marriage but my husband is not interested.

Your post I'm replying to here is nearly a year old, but it seems at that time you weren't actually interested in being married. Sex with others for fun, shared by a loving married couple, with others who are likewise unavailable sounds great hypothetically (I've been there.), but you certainly run a greater risk of falling in love with someone else, in which case a lot of hard work that went into building a home and family is more likely to go to waste..., and assuming you then start over with a new relationship, why wouldn't it happen yet again a few years later when you get bored again? On the other hand, maybe you love your spouse so much, falling in love with a human sex toy you share with your beloved spouse is no more risky than falling in love with your vibrator. Cool, right?

But wanting separate, independent loving relationships with others that you don't share with your spouse, (as in moving from swinging to an open marriage) seems to indicate that you want simply to start dating again as though you were single, in which there's an obvious decline in time, interest, and investment in your spouse and is more likely a veiled search for a new spouse aided by the ongoing support of the old one. Of course, if everyone involved loves the arrangement, then go for it, but if that was likely, we all would've been doing it a long time ago.

You have valid points, although the infidelity and divorce rates are no better with traditional marriages. What if everyone was allowed to have open marriages? There's probably a greater risk of falling in love if you are doing it secretly vs openly. Secretly provides more of a natural high and may cause a person to be blinded by lust. The cookie that isn't allowed always looks better. Once it is allowed, you may not want it as often.

I wonder what would happen with the divorce rates if open marriages were the norm. There would be no more complaining of sexless marriages, so if spouses sought sex elsewhere and held onto their partners for all the other wonderful things they could provide, maybe the relationship would actually work better. It works in other countries.

Yes, I enjoy the thrill of dating and meeting new partners. But, I am not looking for a different husband because I would still want to be able to have that open relationship with that new person as well. Am I making sense?

You'd be making sense (and preaching to the choir) if only our relationships could remain as simple as you've described, that is, one solid supportive spouse supplemented with as many casual recreational fwb's as we'd like.

But alas, the damned humans fairly often fall in love or just want more like the greedy, nasty little creatures we are. It's uncontrollable and unpredictable and could happen without warning to you, to your spouse, and/or to any of your fwb's.

Even if all parties agree on the "open" ideology, you still have something quite different going on with the one you are actually married to. Whatever feelings that originally generated the desire to marry, co-habitate, have kids, etc with just that one person will certainly develop at times amongst the various people involved, and hearts will get broken and crimes of passion will follow. For anyone who inevitably can't have ALL they want, maybe even just two nights a week with you instead of one, the arrangement will become unbearable and revert back to the same kind of stresses we have now in monogamy..., namely, not being able to have everything the animal in us craves. It's like expecting to be able to live binging on fat and sugar just because we crave it. I'm not even gonna go into the fair division of finances and other resources amongst all parties and their adventures...

Without a good ice age, plague, asteroid, etc to weed out the dummies, humans are mostly slackers who generate rotten statistics for most anything they try to do, including marriage. For example, most people being awful at politics, science, playing golf, football, or the stock market doesn't mean those are bad unnatural pursuits, and obviously those games are extremely profitable for some. A relatively monogamous marriage (other than pure sex play) can be thought of the same way. It's a sport and skill to be honed, a no-pain no-gain thing. We can't build empires without it..., or else we would have already. I still love your depth of thought and open mind..., which make you infinitely more fuckable than the bimbo's I tire of.

Humans can be greedy idiots...so true, and I am probably one of those (well, not actually an idiot, but I admit I am greedy.) Yes, I want it all. I want my real food AND my sugar...but....I want my husband to be able to have it too. Life and marriage can be so complicated. Too bad everyone can't just be easy going, non judgmental, and go with what feels good, rather than what is ingrained in our minds as "correct". You may look at me and judge me as a fuckable (don't forget intelligent) bibmo, but what I am is actually a woman who has become very in touch with her sexuality (like an awakening), who wants to explore it and enjoy it as best I can while still young and sexy.

Hmmm . . . that's the part that I wonder about . . . what happens when one is interested and the other isn't . . .

Seems like a potential danger zone.

Again, all the best to you two in working through all of this together.

3 More Responses

thanks for sharing it

Wonderful story, well writte and enjoyable. I remember the first time also.

Very well written and thought out. My wife and I fantasize but have never pulled the trigger...maybe after reading this we will take the next step. Please add us as a friend we would like to follow your progress...

being honest in your marriage seems to have paid off very well. great story thanks for sharing

Great story thanks for sharing. I am sure it will be helpful to many people

Congratulations to both of you! To be able to successfully separate sex from love is a wonderful thing, especially when you both do it together, as you did! It was something I always wanted with my wife (now my ex), but it never happened... she just wasn't wired that way. But now that we are apart, I join other couples for this very experience, and it is SUCH a beautiful thing! I prefer to play with couples that share a DEEP love, and it is SO very exciting to me, when I'm pleasuring a man's wife, to see her look into her husband's eyes and tell him, with complete sincerity, how much she loves him! I still find myself wishing I could have experienced this with my own wife, but I have finally come to accept that it was just never going to happen with her.

You are quite open minded adventurous sexy hot wife ! it must take great trust and confidence to **** another man in front of hubby as he is ******* another women ! seems to work for you ~! congrtats !

Such very good advice.

Good for you!

cool, thx for sharing, I'm single atm but still enjoy your wriitng about it :)

Hello HotSexyMom,

Just a short note telling you how much I enjoyed reading your story, and reading your profile's description. You come across as a very down-to-earth person, who happens to have a very lucky hubby!

Anyway, I wanted to congratulate you on your lifestyle choice, and desire to achieve the butterflies that have been missing in your life for such a long time. Hopefully we will find each other communicating more together on EP.


Cheers,

AnonymousButCandid

Thanks. Great story!

That's a very cool, open, honest story. Thanks for sharing!

I totally agree with you.

Very well put!!

Thanks for all the positive responses everyone.

My wife and I love it too

Yes We totally agree.... it has added a new dimension to our relationship.

You have a sublime libido, and your husband is a very lucky man.

It's funny because my libido used to be high, until a few years after marriage... I think because of the monotony. Now it's in full swing again!

Great story, thanks for sharing & the advise. My wife & I have talked & fantasized about it, but yet to take that next step ....

Show her my story.

Wonderful story my dear, I'm so happy that your experience worked out so well. My wife and I too invite others to join us on ocassion.

Love the story! You are a fine writer! Hope to hear more about your escapades!

so wonderful - thank u for sharing

Thank you!

I love your story . I have been in an open relationship for a while and I agree with your approach .

This is a great write-up...you really did your research before and I really like the mature approach you took!

We've been swinging on and off for over 15 years and for the most part, totally agree with you. I hope things continue to get better and that the 2 of you find more and more ways yo enjoy one another.

Yes I know what you are talking about it, we as a couple experienced this for long time and we had two sets of couple we shared our sex life, great experience. and my wife had fun with two of my friends. When i used to work nights, i drop her to my friends house and sit at work and think about it. In the morning order breakfast and we all three have breakfast together and go home with her, He Called me this week asking me when i am going to frop her. but she told me she will let me know. My wife is a super gorgeous sexy girl.
Enjoy guys..have a great time

You're right BooSFla...you don't know how you will react until you are put in that situation.

Once again, thanks for all your input everyone.

I plan to write a story on my first swinging experience, so stay tuned! Here's a preview:

She was lying on the bed with her legs spread open. I was licking her *****, while my husband was sucking on one of her nipples and her husband on the other...

That sounds so erotic. I would love to watch that either way, my wife going down on another woman or having another woman go down on her, while I help out.

That's great that you were comfortable enough to raise the subject with him and he was open enough to consider it. I'm glad it worked out for you. I would like to hear more about it, did you feel any jealousy? him? did the whole thing happen in the same room? did the girls play or was it just MF? My wife and I played, a little, with another woman and I was surprised that I felt a little weird watching her kiss the other woman for a moment. The feeling passed quickly and I really enjoyed it but it did briefly occur. To my surprise, she didn't mind me kissing her friend at all, and that was something she said she might not be comfortable with. People just never know how they will react until they are in it I guess.

Thanks for the story and your follow-up posts. I'd like to hear more about how it goes for the 2 of you and your relationship. I agree that completely open and honest communication is essential. I only add that such ease of communication is necessary for any couple -- 100% monogamous or open -- that hopes to have and maintain a truly intimate relationship. Sadly, that is a major stumbling block for some...

Enjoyed reading your story. It started with us almost the same way, roles reversed a bit, we have had a few experiences with other couples and are making new friends with a couple in our town....something we didn't think we might do, due to the small town living gossip. So even though we haven't moved our friendships into the bedroom its still a fun exciting time of flirting...maybe we will all be the talk of the town soon....lol.

Very good point of view. This is a fun thing that we do also. We have met some one night friends and made some lifetime ones. We like to not have any "Drama" so you have gotta be selective and screen prospective friends. Enjoy! Carpe Deum!

Me and my wife are in a open marriage and it is awesome. The thrill and the excitement of being with a different partner is awesome. Great story glad you shared it

Good, story I enjoyed it and hope you continue to enjoy your lifestyle.

In response to some of your remarks:

essie3d...that's a risk you have to be willing to take. Most swinger couples are very much in love with one another and are not likely to get attached to someone else. They are purely looking for fun, uninhibited sex that they can enjoy WITH their partner. There's more of a chance of this happening if you meet a single guy, or have an affair with an unhappily married man. This is why you need to have a strong foundation before even thinking about going this route. If you are unhappy with your current sex life, you will most likely find someone else that you like better.

As a swinger, even if you do enjoy sex more with someone else, you have to decide if it's worth giving up what you already have. I, personally, feel so lucky to have a partner who is ok with me exploring my sexuality, plus we have 3 kids, so no matter how good the sex might be with someone else, it probably won't be enough to give up what I have. However, yes, it is still a risk.

Nomar251, why don't you start by showing your girlfriend my story...unless, of course, your EP account is a secret!

WTsexy...get a move on it before she changes her mind!

Thanks to all of you for showing your support. I'll try to write more stories as I become more experienced. Pursuing this has definitely brought us closer together. We have never been happier. Feel free to ask any questions.