Sad And Confused

 This is the first time I have ever done this....this is the first time I have ever said what I am about to say outloud as well.....I think I am a lesbian. I am married to a man for 8 years now, no children and I love him but I am so unhappy. We don't have sex much and when we do it lacks what I yearn for the most....a womans touch. I have fantasized about being with a woman sexually since I was a teenager, I am 30 now and it has not gone away. I was raised in a Christian family and to come out with something like this would be a huge no no. I feel unattractive to my husband, like he doesn't want me. I am overweight and I have anxiety attacks so I don't work because of them and I don't know if this has soiled the way he feels about me sexually or if he just doesn't want me because I am to fat for him in his eyes. I was so down about being overweight last night that I was thinking that if I were to die comfortably that would be better then going on with the way I am living. I am stuck and I am crying inside and I can't tell anyone around me. I woke up this morning and I thought oh my god, the internet, maybe I can find others online that can relate to me. I could not stop thinking about this until finally I got up and went online, typed in lesbian forum and bingo I found this site. I have so much to offer the world but I spend day in and day out stuck in a house all day because of my anxiety of being out there in the world and I spend all night in the same routine and same lonelyness and rejection. All I want is to be happy, feel desired and feel happy in my heart. I don't just think I am a lesbian, I know I am but what in the world am I going to do!! How will I find someone else that will support me like my husband does because I don't work because of anxiety? I am so stuck!!
secretlyloveless secretlyloveless
26-30
4 Responses Aug 14, 2010

Congratulations now with that out of the way you are halfway there you are beautiful and there's somebody out there who's going to love you and cherish you. It doesn't matter what's your sexual preferences is all that matters is what's in your heart if you're not happy in your relationship take the necessary steps to leave your relationship you have no kids in marrige what's stopping you

You cant help the way you are and you shouldnt have to make excuses to anyone! First of all your family should love you no matter what or who you are.Thats what families are supposed to be about, but if they cant you may just have to walk away from them for awhile untill/unless they come around.You should not feel ashamed for something you cant help, I truly believe our sexual makeup is designed at birth,we dont "become" gay,its in us from the start.Im a straight person but have many gay friends and love them dearly,I dont discriminate.As for your anxiety attacks,I too used to have those really badly,it took a few years of going to a therapist/shrink to learn how to control them but I did and you can too.That way you can work and be self sufficient and not have to depend on anyone to support you because in this life one thing Ive learned is that YOU are all you can depend on.Best of luck to you,oh and by the way Im a christian also but still dont discriminate against gays. :) God bless!

Well, I think you took a good first step by writing this out. it sort of helps to get this stuff out in the open. If you are a lesbian, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. you are what you are. maybe your anxiety attacks are caused by your sexual confusion? <br />
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Have you ever watched lesbian ****? If so, I assume it turns you on? If not, why not try it and see what it does for you to help you see if you are. there are plenty of free ***** sites. My favorite is xhamster. just googled it. Or if you might like erotic stories better, try Literotica.com. I just suggest these sites so maybe it will help you figure out if you are attracted to women.<br />
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Why not try taking baby steps on leaving the house. Walk to the corner and back for a week. The next wee go a little further. it'll all work out. :)

Well, I think you took a good first step by writing this out. it sort of helps to get this stuff out in the open. If you are a lesbian, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. you are what you are. maybe your anxiety attacks are caused by your sexual confusion? <br />
<br />
Have you ever watched lesbian ****? If so, I assume it turns you on? If not, why not try it and see what it does for you to help you see if you are. there are plenty of free ***** sites. My favorite is xhamster. just googled it. Or if you might like erotic stories better, try Literotica.com. I just suggest these sites so maybe it will help you figure out if you are attracted to women.<br />
<br />
Why not try taking baby steps on leaving the house. Walk to the corner and back for a week. The next wee go a little further. it'll all work out. :)