You'd Be Surprised Just Who

Few folk know I'm gay. I only discovered last year- well in truth I finally accepted after fighting all my life, quite another story too. The first people I came out to were long term friends who were gay or had gay relatives and this was quite well received. They were on the whole supportive. They still find it a bit disconcerting though and I take some small pleasure in winding them up and watch them cringe by saying something along the lines of 'Cor look at the legs/***/basket on that' etc. and if you know Sid James ( The Carry On Films - movies) I even do the lecherous cackle, but its all good natured fun. One mildy traumatised friend even let me use his computer to get on here and talk gay stuff with a hot on line dude when mine failed.

So OK there.

There is one exception. A wizened and worldly wize old gentleman, an original San Francisco 60's hippie, Vietnam Draught dodger,a shunner of worldy possessions. He is a reasonable yogii and all round mentor and spiritual advisor. I could call him Gandolf. It fits.

He's been around a bit you could say. He has also fathered a few children he never met so maybe he had to move about. :-)

So last week I bumped into him. I thought might as well broach the subject, tell him how when I was living in shared accommodation I knew some one who was gay and saw fall head over heels in love with another guy and it really was the sweetest thing, no one minded, very popular couple etc. A sort of warm up story. And true.

He stepped back. I couldn't believe it. He even said 'wo wo woah.' And he shuddered. I saw it. The guy was totally repulsed. The absolute last person I expected to be negative. And I wasn't even talking about myself. As far as he goes, my sexuality is a no go topic. there is absolutely no way I'm going to bring this guy round and I would lose him as a friend, no doubt.

I am no threat to him and this could hurt a lot. Oddly enough I am beyond hurt.Surprised, yes. Philisophical though. He is a good friend, but we are not too close so I can stand back.

I can empathise with those who cannot broach it with family or close friends. It is not a good situation. I may appear light and philosophical, but I can be deep and troubled. There are people I will not tell. Ever.

I truly support the idea that each is their own individual. You are the product of what has gone before and must think on your own feet and be at one with yourself, separate but respectful of your peers. Bear that in mind.

It is pretty fundamental but pretty damn difficult. I personally feel that all my experiences make me me and you can't take them away so I will fight for my individuality. I am still the same me as was, just a bit clearer on my orientation.

I am further resigned to the fact that Life is determined to half a laugh at me, and that Fate really needs some therapy. If you know Pratchett, then you know Rincewind. And yes I do like potatoes. But not THAT much.

Pa1nsMcmurdo Pa1nsMcmurdo
41-45, M
2 Responses Sep 11, 2012

Well congrats for coming out of the closet. Even if it's just to yourself. God loves you for who you are, not on who you fall in love with. God bless.

Some people will always be homophobic sadly.<br />
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Why? Because they don't know any different or simply aren't interested. However, a good point, very well made :)