I Had To

last night, the loneliness was so unbearable, i hadn't spoken a word or heard a word spoken in over 52 hours. my T was supposed to call me, but he didn't i needed to do something and didn't want to end up in the hospital cuz i cut too deep now and when you cut to the bone, they chapter you. and with me knowing that all my T's know i'm suicidal, and i would get stuck in there with body memories. so i didn't cut, i went back to what i used to do as a kid. i bought the coarse grain sandpaper, and sanded off a couple layers of my skin on my leg. it turns out i was still alive, but not feeling too much of anything.