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Scary Deal!

 

I woke up to the sound of rain tapping on the window. I rolled over and sat up lit a cigarette took a deep draw from it. For just a split second I didnt really know what day it was or where Jacki my girlfriend was or hell even where the cat was since they both slept with me. Reality came rushing in and I relized I was alone in the world right at that moment. Totally alone. I had always heard about this thing about the silence being loud but never really knew the meaning until right that moment. Here I was 53 years young with nothing really good going on in my life. My health was ******, I was classified 100% disabled by the veterans doctors and had really nothing to do with my life from that minute on. My entire life at that point was to get up take my shower go out sit down on my computer and try to find somebody to talk to or figure out what to do for the day. I had recently broken off an 8 year abortion that she called a relationship and really didnt know what I ws going to do for companionship. I think my poor cat was feeling a bit smothered cause at that point she was my only companion. We had many meanigful conversations believe me! Yes I had to learn feline talk! As I sat listening to the rain on the window it dawned on me I was going to have to do the dating thing all over again! A momentary terror grabbed me! I also relized I was not a spring chicken anymore. See I never had a problem with being alone before because I had lots of friends and you know they kind of take care of you thru the tough times. Introduce you to women, get you blind dates, stuff like that. Well my recent ex had done a good job of running off all my freinds with her jealousy and hateful attitude. My health had also taken some mighty bad turns over the last 4 years and I had some rather daunting health issues to deal with. As a topper my thyroid had gone apeshit on me and I gained 179 pounds! Now I was already 250lbs before that but I carried it well. I'm a big norweigan. I had also been working off part of my rent because I had no real solid form of income that was reliable. Thank the powers that be for cool landlords with big hearts and deep pockets. One day a couple years ago while out on a ladder painting the house I took a tumble off the ladder and came down face first on the sidewalk from about 20 feet in the air. Luckily my head bounced off the sidewalk and the only real lasting injury was it took out my front teeth! Now again keep in mind I had no real income to go get these fixxed. Still havent! So what a great package of stuff to be ready to run out and find me a new woman. Lets see how would the ad in the personals read. 53 year young male looking for great woman. Blond hair hazel eyes and no front teeth! 375lb worn out broke down biker with no ride large laundry list of ailments who is depressed with no real direction of life anymore. Stable and very loving if you can just get by the appearence thing! Loves to be spoiled and spoil his woman too! Call 1-800-yea-right! And if you call in the next 20 minutes we will double your order. Now even tho confidence wasnt really a problem previouly in my life it wasnt really a cup runith over scene right now. Again I'm not the same guy I was 10 years ago. I know! I'll join one of the 20,000 dating sites out there and find me a woman thats so lonley she dont care how I look! The first thing I found out was alot of the sites wanted money for you to even email anybody on the site. Oh yeah they get you right up to the gate teasing you with other peoples profiles and then when ya find one your interested in the pay me with a credit card page pops up. You cant even wave at somebody unless you pay! **** no money to be joining dating sites! Bad part is they let members email non members as a way to get you to join. So here I have 15 emails in my box that I cant answer to see if one is my soulmate or the woman from hell unless I pay the 89.99 for a self renewing membership. I was flopping around like a carp out of water trying to figger out how to tell the women I was there and not ignoring them. Well so much for that brilliant idea. Honestly I was and am really feeling quite depressed over the whole thing and the cat is getting sick of me telling her about it. Yeah I'm a memebr of myspace, facebook, yourbook, joesbook, and a bunch of other so called social sites. And truthfully I have made some great computer friends but thats where the line is drawn. On the computer. I guess I could lie like half the jerkoffs that computer date do and tell them I'm 6'2 eyes of blue, 6 pak abs and just love to workout and take long walks on the beach! And then right when they are getting off the plane to come visit you drop the bomb on them and hope for the best. And dont forget to act offended when they say something about the pictures you sent them of you that werent even taken in the same decade, have had 2 hours of photshop work done to them and dont even resemble you! Nah aint my style. Or I could go thru the drama of the bar scene (aint spose to drink alchol with current meds)or maybe speed dating! Now theres a way to find your soulmate. Go to an overpriced bar pay some ******* 50 bucks and pitch 20 woman about what a great catch you are and hope the one you might connect with aint an axe muderer or maybe Lorraine Bobbit. Not in this lifetime! Guess all I can do is hope for the best and pray a great woman falls out of the sky and lands in my lap thats looking for an old brokedown warhorse biker dude with alot of baggage. Or at least we can work around each others problems long enough to get to know each other! Wish me luck!

To be continued........................................

magicwolf magicwolf 51-55, M 4 Responses Mar 23, 2009

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What a wonderful and somewhat funny pitch on what could be a much compromised situation. You have already made a couple of positive steps. 1/ Get on EP and talk about it. You will not find a more genuine site with wonderful REAL people to network. All the other social networking sites are primarily for narcissistic and "look at me" type people. As for the internet dating, It’s the “used car supermarket” of love. Let the buyer beware…Things mightn’t look so good in your “profile” department, but you certainly have one thing going for you and that is GSOH. That’ll take you along way. You are also an artist, so you’ve got a bit going for you. Forget the clubs, the internet dating sites, get on your bike and see the country, and meet lots of people. Keep up your art and your caring for people. Diversify and get out of your rut and your old circle of friends. It’s good that you’re looking for a soul mate, that is a good place to find. The funny thing about love, as Gryfnn has said it always happened when you least expect it.

Sounds like you are definitely on the right track---In my life, my loves have always appeared when I least expected---never when I was looking for love in all the wrong places --lol --I wasted a lot of time doing that-- :) gryfnn

Thanx for your frank and wonderful story. Actually i am very busy with my art and caring for a stg4 lung cancer survivor and keeping up with the 23 acres we live on. As you saw by my story I'm not expending alot of energy on searching for my soulmate. If it is to happen so be it.

Your story is so honest, I feel compelled to respond. A few years ago, I went to a wedding reception. The newlyweds were a 90 year old man and a 70 year old woman. They were adorable. Like teenagers---because they were so obviously in love, they simply glowed. I used to run into them in the park, they'd come over and watch me paint. We'd chat a bit. I had an artist friend who was overweight and scarred--he was in his 50's and a really terrible alcoholic--he would drink shaving lotion sometimes--really shocking.

Now and then we'd have to trot him off to the veterans hospital -- he'd get so destroyed. To make a long story short---he married a beautiful 19 year old girl. She came from a well-to-do-family -- and when I say beautiful - she could have been a model! Black hair down to her waist, tall, slender --gorgeous. They stayed together for 20 years--until he died. By that time, she'd become a registered nurse. She took care of him through his last illness.

He left her 600 paintings! He did have a modest income--from his veteran's pension-- He was WWII veteran--terribly scarred and wounded. Also, I think because of her--he sold some of his paintings--They went to Europe together,

She was so angry with him--she said he stayed drunk most of the time. They also traveled around this country and saw places like the Grand Canyon.---He would have long dry periods. The point is--Soul Mates really do get together in this world, now and then. I hope you find yours--maybe if you get busy doing something to make yourself happy, you won't have to look for her---she really will just appear one day. :) gryfnn