Bulimia And Binge Eating
I used to be an obese child. I was 225lbs. I've lost a lot of weight (I'm 110lbs now). The way I was raised, food was always connected with comfort. I'm pretty sure my mom had binge eating disorder, and she raised me the same way. Well after experiencing a tramatizing childhood in which I was harshly taunted for my weight, experienced an overwhelming depression, began cutting myself, and tried to commit suicide, I became anorexic. I would restrict to 100-700 calories a day, sometimes going days at a time without eating at all and exercising 2-3 hours a day for 5 out of 7 days a week. Now that I've reached my goal weight, I've recovered from my anorexia, but now I am binging up a storm. I'm scared to gain weight, so I purge all of the time. But I don't know what "normal eating" is. I never have. I don't know what to do. I've never had a healthy relationship with food...or people, or anything else. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here. I swear, if I were to die tomorrow the only difference it would make in the world is that there would be more food available for everyone else.