Bulimia And Binge Eating

I used to be an obese child. I was 225lbs.  I've lost a lot of weight (I'm 110lbs now). The way I was raised, food was always connected with comfort. I'm pretty sure my mom had binge eating disorder, and she raised me the same way. Well after experiencing a tramatizing childhood in which I was harshly taunted for my weight, experienced an overwhelming depression, began cutting myself, and tried to commit suicide, I became anorexic. I would restrict to 100-700 calories a day, sometimes going days at a time without eating at all and exercising 2-3 hours a day for 5 out of 7 days a week. Now that I've reached my goal weight, I've recovered from my anorexia, but now I am binging up a storm. I'm scared to gain weight, so I purge all of the time. But I don't know what "normal eating" is. I never have. I don't know what to do. I've never had a healthy relationship with food...or people, or anything else. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here. I swear, if I were to die tomorrow the only difference it would make in the world is that there would be more food available for everyone else.

MyWorldIntheDrain MyWorldIntheDrain
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 10, 2010

I am also all of the above.
Overweight, a cutter, suicidal, and bulimic....

I'm 17 and still live with my mom (who coincidentally has a binge eating disorder just like yours, and guess who inherited the damn lucky trait?)

I don't relate well to people, I don't like myself, I hate food but am addicted. When I'm sad I go through the drive thru of McDonalds and order a crispy BLT and a hot fudge sundae.

It's an endless vicious cycle.

the same thing happens to me... And I also feel like if I would die the world will be a better place for other people. It is really hard to live like that, and not being able to stop...

wow i feel your pain, i used to self harm because i was so crap and keeping a strong will<br />
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from jeremy

I hear and feel everything you've shared. I have to tell you the unfortunate consequence of years o bulemia. I binged and purged for 13 yrs. Now my body is a disaster. I gained weight back in triplicate and I can't lose it propperly. Please do what I should have. Go to councelling for your eating disorder early. I found that my whole life is binge and purge. My relationships, my family interactions, my spending. I wish I could go back in time to the teen I was (I too lost a ton of weight and then began the bulemia) and start therapy early before the damage was done. Love yourself and honor yourself by accepting help.

During my starving years I restricted my calories btwn 100-500 per every other day. The odd days, I'd eat nothing. Those were the days I lost weight since I too exercised 2-3 hours a day 7 days a week. I wrote a story about this experience and why I stopped. Though I completely understand the fear of gaining weight especially since you worked so hard to get to your goal weight. Purging is really bad for your digestive system, I think its better to restrict calories. Lots of thin people always say, oh eat 'right' and exercise, what they don't realize is that for many of us that routine isn't enough to keep us 'thin'. <br />
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I have a circle friend that is bulimic and she struggles with your same issues all the time.