I met this girl when I was 20 years old. We are 30 now. There was a point in time when we used to have a lot of fun, but now, her friendship has become burdensome. I feel like a trapped married man and I want out!

In the beginning of the friendship, she was a pretty decent person. Over the past 3 years or so though, she has morphed into the most shallow, superficial, critical, negative, selfish, self-centered person I've ever known. I often wonder if she's always been this way and I just didn't see it.

She never has anything positive to say, and bad things are always happening to her. It's also everyone else's fault that these bad things are happening. She has a tough time seeing the silver lining in anything. She relies on me heavily to "talk her down from the ledge" and lately I've just been wanting to yell "jump!" She has a complete inability to cope with life.

She can't make any decisions on her own and always needs my input. Anything and everything from what career path she should take to what color shoes she should buy. It's like she needs someone to hold her hand every step of the way. It's so annoying. I feel like the parent of a four-year-old child.

Speaking of children, talking to her is like talking to a four-year-old. Her mind wanders all over the place, switching subjects before the last one was even properly addressed. She has a hard time listening when she's not speaking and she'll interrupt you in a heartbeat as soon as a thought enters her mind. She thinks this is perfectly acceptable even though I've asked her to stop. My latest strategy has been to let her talk until she exhausts herself, only offering a series of "uh huhs" along the way.

She takes far more than she could ever offer in every sense. For example, when I need advice, I don't go to her because she has none to give. I seek it elsewhere, or I research it! She treats me like an encyclopedia, expecting answers to the large and small questions of life. I am so tired of answering her questions.

Recently, she has been in overdrive. She'll text me no less than 20 times per day, then call as soon as she gets off of work. If I miss the call and don't call back until much later (or the next day), she ALWAYS acknowledges it in some way. It's like I'm not allowed to have a life independent of her...this chick is driving me crazy! Further, once we finally get on the phone, she'll go back and cover any and everything that wasn't acknowledged the day before, to make sure I hear it. And it's all so very trivial.

She holds on to old versions of me, meaning, she hasn't acknowledged how much I've changed and what a better person I've become. She'll bring up things from the past that I used to do as if they were still current, almost like trying to remind me where I came from so I don't ever develop a sense of growth or self-esteem. Thank God I'm able to develop these things without her assistance. It sure would be helpful though, to have a friend who champions you instead of chipping away at you all the time.

She has problems with anyone more successful than her, convinced they must have conned their way to the top as opposed to work hard. She loves to stay stuck in miserable situations then complain about them ad nauseum. Strong victim mentality.

Finally, I really hate the way she treats people. She has a high and mighty attitude, and has no problem discarding or dismissing individuals who have no use value to her. This is a major pet peeve of mine and she knows it, I guess she just thinks it doesn't apply to her. I secretly wish she'd dismiss me.

I find myself praying she'll get a boyfriend or get married so I can hand this burden off to him. That poor, poor man.
Every time one of her relationships fails, I cry with her because that means I'm still in it until the next sucker rolls around. I fully support her relationships because I so desperately want them to succeed.

Why do I stay friends with a person like this you ask? Mainly because I'm a coward that won't just man up and tell her to get lost. Also, because it's complicated. We've been friends for 10 years. It hasn't ALL been bad; just more bad than good. I know her family well and they treat me like a daughter. No one else knows all the "backstories." Plus, if I tried to formally end it, she'd go into damage control mode and try to fix it, because she needs this relationship far more than I do. She can always sense when I'm pulling away because she becomes super-nice and starts acting like a reasonable human being. This tells me you're aware of what you're doing, and I resent that more than anything else. The days I go without talking to her are pure heaven.

In closing, I don't come for sympathy. I come to vent and share my story of how I feel ever so trapped in this toxic friendship. Thanks for reading.
HeartofReality HeartofReality
31-35, F
Aug 24, 2014