How Many Times Have I Been Over This???

Okay. First of all I call myself fat because its an easy word. Its just simple amd straight to the point. I know im not some obese girl. But I want to lose weight to ne comfortable in y own ask in. to like ahopping for clothes' and for health reasons too. I wanna be able to walk up the stairs at school without feeling out of breathe. I mean im breathing pretty hard. My legs burn by the time in halfway up. I want to be able to run. To sprint and feel the burn in my legs ad keep running. And run without my knees aching. I was made fun of all through elementary and middle school. But then again who wasent? I was called fat ugly weird freak and I always stuck out. Ive been dealing with all sorts of other situations like my mother abusing me. My parents divorcing. My dad not being there for me. Bad influences at school. I was ten when it really got bad and now im still struggling to pick myself up off the ground. I have really bad panic attacks too. Ugh. Im a social-phobic. Im depressed too and ive abused myself also stems from the low self esteem and body image issues I have. Its been practically drilled in my heads that im so called fat when I looked around when I got to highschool and realized there were ALOT of girls my size or even bigger then me. I wear jackets to cover myself and its almost like a security blanket to me. Its getting better though, but I still have mostly bad days. And Its gotten better in the.last four years. But not enough and. I still beat myself down alot and im reall self concious. So yeah.... I admit I have aproblem woth food. I eat when im upset an d I never thought id be one of those girls who ate to make themselves feel better. I want to lose around 30 pounds and im gonna try and work no ut my issues with food and etc. wish me luck!