i am 19 years old, 5'3", and currently weigh 227.6 pounds. and i'm fine with that. yes, i would love to be a size 12 someday, but for right now, why can't i just rock a size 16/18? it's not like i haven't tried to lose the weight. i have, but usually with little to no results. so, i'm done crying over it. as of right now, it's just a part of who i am, and i've accepted that.
i've accepted that i don't need to be a size 2 for clothes to look good on me. i've accepted that i don't need to look like a supermodel in order to find love. and i've accepted that i'll never be what society dictates as "beautiful". i am a big-boned, curvy woman, and no matter how much weight i lose, i will never fit that mold. does that make me undesirable? absolutely not! just ask my boyfriend, who practically can't keep his hands off me. =P
i'm in no way glamourizing being overweight. it gets hard, especially with so many people who'll judge you right off the bat for your weight. there are increased risks to being overweight, and we all know what those are, because chances are they've been drilled into our heads forever. but that doesn't mean people can't be overweight and healthy at the same time. my blood pressure is consistently perfect, i have no problems with cholesterol, AND i can play 8 games of dance dance revolution IN A ROW on difficult, without passing out. i am NOT about to sit around and let someone call me unhealthy, because i happen to be in better shape than most people i know.
accepting myself has been far from easy, though. my body issues started when i was 3 years old. yes, 3 years old. i would spend a decent amount of time with my great-aunt, and she never hesitated to tell me how "plump" i was getting, or how i had a round belly (like most toddlers have anyway...). by about age 6 i think i was legitimately overweight, and i realized it when a classmate came up to me and told me i looked pregnant. the truth is, no one taught me how dangerous food could actually be. there were always snacks in my house, and i was often left to my own devices, so i'd think nothing of eating four snack cakes in one sitting, then having one more for dessert after dinner. when i look back, i realize that at that time, food was my only friend. it was always there, it couldn't judge me, and it tasted damn good. whenever i asked my mother if i was fat, though, she'd always reply with "no. you're just healthy." so it never occurred to me that i actually needed to lose weight.
i endured a lot of teasing for being overweight, especially in middle school. i couldn't even wear a knee-length skirt without someone blatantly (and loudly) commenting on how "nasty" it was that i would actually wear one. excuse me for wanting to feel feminine. i should know better, being that i'm fat, and obviously not worthy of feeling pretty. my self-esteem was so far in the toilet that, coupled with the fact that i didn't have the easiest childhood, by seventh grade i actually wanted to kill myself. it wasn't any easier in high school, though the teasing was significantly less.
obviously, it's not possible to just wake up one morning and say, "i accept me!" it took me a long time to gain the confidence i now have, and i still have minor issues with my body. but if you start out small, you'll get there, and you'll feel it more every day. instead of waking up and immediately finding fault with your reflection, name something you like, or even love, about yourself. it can be something outward or inward, just make sure you find it. you have to accept yourself before you can really start to change yourself, and you have to love yourself to find the confidence and motivation to do it. and remember, just because you may have a few (or more) extra pounds, doesn't change the fact that you are beautiful. it doesn't make you less of a person, and it doesn't make you less worthy of respect. so exude confidence, and remember that anyone who tries to bring you down is just jealous that they can't work what they've got like you can.