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Self-acceptance

i am 19 years old, 5'3", and currently weigh 227.6 pounds.  and i'm fine with that.  yes, i would love to be a size 12 someday, but for right now, why can't i just rock a size 16/18?  it's not like i haven't tried to lose the weight.  i have, but usually with little to no results.  so, i'm done crying over it.  as of right now, it's just a part of who i am, and i've accepted that.

 

i've accepted that i don't need to be a size 2 for clothes to look good on me.  i've accepted that i don't need to look like a supermodel in order to find love.  and i've accepted that i'll never be what society dictates as "beautiful".  i am a big-boned, curvy woman, and no matter how much weight i lose, i will never fit that mold.  does that make me undesirable?  absolutely not!  just ask my boyfriend, who practically can't keep his hands off me.  =P

 

i'm in no way glamourizing being overweight.  it gets hard, especially with so many people who'll judge you right off the bat for your weight.  there are increased risks to being overweight, and we all know what those are, because chances are they've been drilled into our heads forever.  but that doesn't mean people can't be overweight and healthy at the same time.  my blood pressure is consistently perfect, i have no problems with cholesterol, AND i can play 8 games of dance dance revolution IN A ROW on difficult, without passing out.  i am NOT about to sit around and let someone call me unhealthy, because i happen to be in better shape than most people i know.

 

accepting myself has been far from easy, though.  my body issues started when i was 3 years old.  yes, 3 years old.  i would spend a decent amount of time with my great-aunt, and she never hesitated to tell me how "plump" i was getting, or how i had a round belly (like most toddlers have anyway...).  by about age 6 i think i was legitimately overweight, and i realized it when a classmate came up to me and told me i looked pregnant.  the truth is, no one taught me how dangerous food could actually be.  there were always snacks in my house, and i was often left to my own devices, so i'd think nothing of eating four snack cakes in one sitting, then having one more for dessert after dinner.  when i look back, i realize that at that time, food was my only friend.  it was always there, it couldn't judge me, and it tasted damn good.  whenever i asked my mother if i was fat, though, she'd always reply with "no.  you're just healthy."  so it never occurred to me that i actually needed to lose weight.

 

i endured a lot of teasing for being overweight, especially in middle school.  i couldn't even wear a knee-length skirt without someone blatantly (and loudly) commenting on how "nasty" it was that i would actually wear one.  excuse me for wanting to feel feminine.  i should know better, being that i'm fat, and obviously not worthy of feeling pretty.  my self-esteem was so far in the toilet that, coupled with the fact that i didn't have the easiest childhood, by seventh grade i actually wanted to kill myself.  it wasn't any easier in high school, though the teasing was significantly less.

 

obviously, it's not possible to just wake up one morning and say, "i accept me!"  it took me a long time to gain the confidence i now have, and i still have minor issues with my body.  but if you start out small, you'll get there, and you'll feel it more every day.  instead of waking up and immediately finding fault with your reflection, name something you like, or even love, about yourself.  it can be something outward or inward, just make sure you find it.  you have to accept yourself before you can really start to change yourself, and you have to love yourself to find the confidence and motivation to do it.  and remember, just because you may have a few (or more) extra pounds, doesn't change the fact that you are beautiful.  it doesn't make you less of a person, and it doesn't make you less worthy of respect.  so exude confidence, and remember that anyone who tries to bring you down is just jealous that they can't work what they've got like you can.

xoiloveyou xoiloveyou 22-25, F 6 Responses Sep 14, 2008

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Most of my friends like big girls. So do I! Dont worry.

You have a completely unhealthy attitude. I support you by showing tough love. <br />
First, stop fooling yourself. You're on a downward spiral if you don;t get this turned around. <br />
Learn to accept hunger pangs as your companion.<br />
Drink only water.<br />
Eat only 500 healthy calories a day. NO sugar, NO salt. <br />
Get ready for withdrawal. 2 YEARS of hell. Depression, anxiety. listlessness. Get ready to see boils forming on your skin as trapped poisons are expelled. <br />
If and when you can, start to swim. <br />
This is as serious as death. <br />
<br />
There are so many people in an overweight condition, they will be abandoned by society at some point. Don't live this way, don't die this way.<br />
<br />
Good Luck.

first, i would like to point out that i haven't logged on here in probably over a year, but felt compelled to thanks to your comment. so congrats.

second, it's been four years since this article has been written, and my weight has yoyo'ed a few times but i'm happy to report i'm pretty comfy where i'm at, at the moment.

what concerns me is that you have blatantly advised me to lose weight via an eating disorder. as someone who has struggled to overcome several types of disordered eating, i find this sick and a little twisted. especially since my health has actually been on an UPWARD spiral since breaking those habits. my doctor doesn't lie, sir. also, did you miss the part where i talked about actially beong active? i even ride a bike to and from work at least three times a week, which adds up to just under 15 miles a day. pretty damn good for someone who's dying, if you ask me.

while i appreciate your concern, shami.g someone into losing weight rarely works. actually, it will probably only serve to discourage the target so much that they give up and continue to gain weight. and you clearly missed the point of my post. i wasn't glorifyin being fat, simply stating that it's ok to accept yourself, and that that acceptance makes it easier to take steps to lead a healthy life. mental health is part of overall health. as for depression, anxiety, etc, been there done that. i'm through with it. much prefer to be happy.

i also happen to love swimming.

thanks!

im 19 aswell an im really impressed with your attitude..i think your brilliant! im 170 at the moment 12-14 which i am not comfortable with because i was once a size 10..i am only 5ft so cant really carry off any extra weight, i wish i felt like you did, i am in a realtionship have been for 3 years and he loves me the way i am, but i dont love me...and i should right?! I really enjoyed reading your story and really rate you!!!

I would like to help you if you are still open to help.<br />
<br />
Being overweight is not your fault. <br />
<br />
It doesn’t mean you’re a weak person with no willpower. The cause is a metabolic disorder called hyperinsulinism. The real culprits are food and advertising companies who spend BILLIONS every year convincing, courting, seducing and manipulating you into making all the wrong decisions for your health. <br />
Food companies design foods that are not compatible with human metabolism –– foods that are addictive, make you repeatedly hungry and cause you to gain weight. These manufacturers love overweight people because they eat much more than those who aren’t – and that’s good for business. With most commercially prepared foods, you are caught in a vicious cycle of their making – and anyone who is locked into it will inevitably pack on the pounds. <br />
<br />
<br />
Diets are the problem, not the solution.<br />
<br />
If you’re an American, you’ve most likely been on a diet—probably many. Sometimes you drop some weight; but then you gain it all back and more. That’s what most dieting does. It keeps people overweight because it looks at excess weight from the wrong metabolic perspective. Think about it. Americans diet more than anyone on Earth, and yet they’re the most obese people on Earth. Even diets that do work are tough to follow and only temporarily successful at best. <br />
<br />
<br />
Not a new idea...but a different approach.<br />
<br />
That’s why we had to come up with a totally different solution. Our mission was to design a program so simple it could go on the back of a box — a program that would turn everyone’s diet problems into a simple solution. <br />
<br />
Our approach is based on work that’s been extensively reviewed by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Institute of Medicine and used in different forms by many high-cost medical weight loss clinics. With this program, you eat LOTS, you won’t be hungry, and the extra fat will just fall away, with or without exercise (though exercise is always good)! <br />
<br />
Then, once you’ve dropped your initial weight, we transition you to a program pioneered by Harvard’s top weight management doctor, Dr. George Blackburn, so you can learn to keep the weight off once you’ve achieved your goals – and most importantly, stop your body from trying to return to its prior weight. <br />
<br />
Remember, it’s not just about looks. There are many other huge benefits that come from “downsizing.” Dropping as little as 10% of your body fat can reduce disease risk significantly. Many people report better blood sugar control, lower cholesterol, lower blood pressure, less joint pain, improved energy, better self-image, and greater confidence! The list could go on and on. <br />
<br />
I hope this helped.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, "it gets hard, especially with so many people who'll judge you right off the bat for your weight".<br />
<br />
That to me, is our biggest challenge before us. In fact, if people weren't so judgmental, I think it would empower those who were motivated to lose weight, to feel generically supported.

Please note that not all people are like that. I for one think curvy girls are attractive. :)