It Started Young

I was such a cute little girl. Tiny, little thing. My mother wasn't ready to be a mom, never bothered to learn. It didn't matter at first, even when my parents divorced (when I was 5) my Great grand mother lived with us to help out. She passed away two years later and I suddenly ended up alone with an incompitent alcoholic.

She would pick up fast food at least five nights a week. I ate all that I could because the nights she didn't, I usually didn't eat. I'd ask for the largest meals and she would get them. Who feeds a seven year old a super sized fast food meal? That should just be common sense...

Needless to say, I exploded over the new few years. I became depressed and overly self concious (mental/emotional abuse from my mother along with non-stop teasing from other students)...eating was my comfort for the following years until I found a few lethal subsitutes.

I started dating a boy in high school who didn't care about my weight. He thought I was beautiful, no one had ever told me that before. But he was (and is) just as insecure as me, if not worse. We're engaged now, but he hasn't helped my situation at all...

I gained 150lbs in the first four years or our relationship. He is under the impression that if I were to lose all of it and become beautiful to anyone else that he'd lose me. Hes a constant temptation with fast food, sweets, and very salty foods. He also makes sure I don't have to do anything aside from minimal house hold chores.

I've spoken to him about it but he wont listen or understand that if I didn't want to be with him I wouldn't. I'm tired of feeling miserable all the time because of my weight. Not because of how others look at me or the things said (though, on occation it still hurts) but because I'm always lethargic and unable to do many things I should be able to at my age.

I know it is my decision, and at one point I had lost 30lbs, but he broke me "just a little wont hurt" - "a weekend off the diet isn't a bad thing" - "you really dont have to go to the gym if you dont want to."

ugh... I really didn't mean to turn this into a rant about him, but I'm finally at a point in my life that I can do something about this and he isn't being the supportive partner that I need.

Morrighan Morrighan
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 25, 2010

I don't understand this aspect of some particular men. When I was on a weight loss kick, my ex would say things like "you're getting to the weight where I got to watch you around other guys." Like he wanted me to stay overweight.<br />
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But then the first thing they do they check out the hot skinny girls and compare you to them.

I didn't say that. Suppose I should just be honest here, anonymity has its perks. I don't want to marry him, but hes a decent back up plan. We had a series of fights yesterday and at this point we aren't techincally engaged any more...I just refuse to give the ring back.

I'm not satisfied in the relationship any more, as can be seen throughout my stories and blogs here. I'm not giving into him any more. I've actually started trying to do things again. I weighed for the first time in 6 months, cringing the whole time. I was so sure that I'd gained every ounce back - but I'm actually 4lbs lighter than I was the last time I weighed. <br />
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Hes still trying to discourage me. My biggest faults are coke and fried foods, both of which I'm cutting out of my diet. When I went shopping I didn't buy anything premade fried or that would require being fried. I also only bough a 12 pack of cokes because thats what he drinks. He went shopping and got more cokes, chicken nuggets, porkchops (which he'll only eat fried), and ice cream!<br />
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If he wants any of that, he can have it. It's not for me any more.