I just don't understand. I have a wonderful job that pays great money. I live in a beautiful house with a caring wonderful woman, whom without I would probably be dead. All I can think about is why am I so miserable, so scared, so frozen in depressing sadness and apathy. I wish I could run away to a place where no one knows me and I could bag groceries.

I can objectively see how insane this is, but I can't imagine getting up and going to work tomorrow. I am terrified.

quietnight quietnight
31-35, M
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

Hang in there. There is always evidence to support whatever emotions your system exhibits. None of it is right or wrong. See if you can get to a place of acceptance that underneath all of the memories and planning, your reality is right now, what you are sensing through your entire body via your five senses, not just memories and plans. And in 5 minutes from now, see if you can be in that moment, and not think about 5 minutes ago (write now). Sometimes that sort of approach can help bring a release of pressure, in turn diluting emotional intensity.

Please get some help for your depression. You will never know what is causing it until you do. Your doctor can direct you to someone that will be able to help you and probably put you on a medication that can help in the meantime. I spent years in depression and now no longer live that way.

I read some of your past posts and feel that you are suffering needlessly. You obviously are intelligent and able to handle your life, while feeling this way, but you can be alleviated of this "pain" with the proper help and care. <BR>There are many options for reducing the symptoms of depression and you need a physician who will take the steps to put you on something that will balance your brain's chemicals, which seem to be out of synch. <BR>I would never advise you to self-diagnose yourself<BR>You would find relief with the proper treatment plan.<BR>The doctor that left you to your own accord did you more harm than good.<BR>Look up "depression" on the internet and you will either find a picture of yourself, or your symptoms. Your thoughts coincide with impending doom, which is a state of mind, not a reality since you say you have a wonderful life; job, house, wife, etc.<BR>Life can be overwhelming ... and it can be fascinating.<BR>Through no fault of our own, we inherit these conditions that can rule your life without the proper diagnosis and treatment plan.<BR>Blessings for a successful outcome. My prayers are for you tonight.<BR>Eileen