What's Going On?My boyfriend of 1.5 years recently decided we should go on a break. He said we'd meet up in a week and by then we should know what we want from each other. 24 hours later I decided that I just couldn't do it because I didn't understand why we were really doing this. Our relationship has been difficult. I haven't told my parents about him because of the fear of how they'd react, and this has been okay between us for a long time but recently it has really been affecting our relationship. He currently lives an hour and a half by public transport away from me and works all day Monday to Friday. This leaves us little time to see each other and for obvious reasons I can't sleep over. Most of the time I travel to see him where he lives, at his work, and in the city which is about half way for both of us.
I also have been pushing him away a lot when I'm having a problem or when I feel unhappy. Apparently this has been happening for a long time. I feel as though I push him away because he doesn't or won't understand how I feel. He's the sort of person who prefers to try to give advice and solve problems rather than give emotional support, I think that's also another reason why I push him away. He tells me he feels emasculated by it and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me if he can't help me and he ends up feeling like **** when he's around me.
So anyway, 24 hours later after this break thing starts I call him and tell him I can't do it. I tell him the last 24 hours has been terrible. He tells me he had a pretty good day - went to gym, went to a gig, hung out with mates, etc. He tells me the whole purpose of the break was to determine whether or not we were happier without one another, and that he had a really good day. We talk for a long time about me always pushing him away and I begin to accept that he struggles to say the right things to comfort me so he just tries to offer advice. He tells me if I'm so uncomfortable with him living in a place that make him really happy (he lives with a friend and his friend's dad, it's also close to where he goes to gym) then we shouldn't be in a relationship. I tell him I understand and that I only wanted him to move closer because he told me he would and that he wouldn't mind doing so, but that I'm willing to accept it and work around it if he wants to stay where he is. Basically, I pour my heart out to him and fight for our relationship because I'm really scared that it's over. He then says "no" and that he can't do it anymore. He displayed no emotion. No sadness, didn't even want to try to fix the problems between us, admits that maybe he doesn't want it to be fixed, said why should he trust me to change (he said if I changed and if I told my parents about us, then he would move out) because the last time he trusted a friend in moving out, it didn't turn out well (I'm your girlfriend ffs, and when have I betrayed your trust?). I tell him to give me a little time and I promise to tell my parents, he says he'll be willing to stick with me.
The thing I'm upset about is that he showed no sign of emotion or distress at the fact that our relationship was falling apart. He even declared it to be over. It was only until I told him about how hard it was for me to tell my parents but that I know that I need to, that he decides to stick with me. On the one hand, I'm glad that we haven't broken up, but if I hadn't fought as hard as I did, we would not be together right now because not once throughout the entire conversation did he seem to want to give me a chance to make things right. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. I just feel really hurt and disturbed.
I'm sorry to ramble. If you got this far, then you definitely deserve some sort of medal.
llorar 18-21, F 0 Mar 20, 2011