My Brother Is a Child Molester

About four years ago, I informed my parents that my brother would no longer be allowed to see my child. He would not be allowed to be around her in any way. To say the least, this caused a huge rip in our family.


My brother is four years older than me. At the time of his birth, my dad was stationed in Germany. My mom delivered in an Air Force hospital in Wiesbaden. My brother was a in a breech position inside my mom. If that were to be the case today, we would've done a c-section, but that wasn't the case. He was deprived of oxygen and had to be revived when he was finally delivered. On top of that, a week or so later, my parents discovered he had pyloric stenosis and had to have surgery at 2 weeks old. As you can see, his beginning was harsh.


My mom tells me that when they got home from Germany, things weren't smooth. She says that my dad drank alot and would go out with his friends and drink and leave her alone at home with a baby. She tells me that she was abusive to him. I don't know to what extent, but my mom's got a temper and she used to beat the hell out of us when we were older. It sounds like at some point she may have been on anti-depressives b/c he got into her pill bottle and took some and had to be rushed to the ER. Apparently the ER nurse wasa ***** and told my mother how horrible she was and forced her to watch him being intubated.


My brother has always been a bully, too. I was a very scrawny kid to his being strong and stocky. He used to punch meand sit on me. Sometimes he was my bestfriend and sometimes he was my worst enemy.


When I was about 9, I saw him rubbing himself againt the 7yr old girl that my mom babysat. I told my mom. I caught him doing the same to a very little boy in his room. The boy was the son of some friends of my moms. In the middle of that, he was accusedof molesting the daughter of some friends and I think they must've sought legal  help b/c my brother suddenly was at a psych hospital. I think he was there for a year.


When I was 11, his friend spent the night and was the first guy I ever kissed. He was also the first guy to feel me up and dry hump me. This was all in front of my brother. When I was 12, he propositioned mefor sex. I calmly turned him down.


When he was 20, he went to live with my aunt in a small town 45 mins away. He molested both of her kids and all my cousins that lived in the same town, boys and girls.


I pushed all this down for years. I even lived with my brother for a summer. He was always inappropriate in what he would tell me like experiences with his girlfriend or adult themed jokes. His girlfriend at the time was 15 yrs old. Her mother allowed the relationship. He was in his early twenties.


When my daughter was about 2 or 3, I started to have panic attacks and the overwhemling need to take her and run. I was obsessed with keeping her safe. At the time, I allowed him to be around my child, but he had to be supervised. Soon, that wasn't enough for me b/c I knew I couldn't control his thoughts and I know that child molesters are clever and can often molest their prey in plain sight.


When I confronted my parents, they were devastated. And I felt they didn't believe me even when I told them about their own nieces and nephews. I know it's b/c of their own guilt.


I have dreams all the time about my brother. In my dreams, he's always molesting me in plain view of my parents. I've told my parents about the dreams and they discount them. My parents tell me all the time that they want to be a family again, that they can keep my child safe. They tell me that he's changed. I know they're wrong and I'm not willing to sacrifice my child so that they don't feel guilty anymore.


SweetAboutMe SweetAboutMe
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 10, 2009

What a sad, tragic story there.<br />
Thanks for sharing it (a) if it helps you and (b) because the more people know about all these issues (sexual abuse and the mind of the abuser, parenting, child development, dealing with deviant, denying and damaging behaviour, etc) the better for everyone.<br />
You please stay strong and insist on YOUR decisions and choices about keeping your child safe. Nobody else has or will take on that responsibility as #1! Your child depends on you, and in the world of abusers you cannot trust anyone's word, and promsises often mean nothing. As you commented, parents are often too mixed up with their own pain to be strong the way our kids need it.<br />
Congrats at the way you've described this situation despite your own undoubted pain.