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Shyness That Gets Worse

I wanted to share my story. Maybe someone else can relate.

I am in my early 30s. I am married (2nd marriage).
I've had a nice childhood. I was always rather shy, you know typical child shyness I would say.

As I got to my teens it was hard on me I was very rebellious. My shyness sort of took a backburner.
I got married very early (19), and it was not a happy marriage.

After I got divorced it sort of all hit me at once. All the horrible things my ex did, all the things people used to say in school. I was often made fun of, even by teachers. I told school authorities (principal and such) and they all told me to ignore it, that I was making a big deal out of nothing.
My ex totally took advantage of everything I was. Made a big joke out of me.

After it was all said and done I lost faith in myself and all people. I am not to sure how my current husband can love me but he does.

I am very shy. I dont talk to people, I dont go out of my way to be friendly, I avoid making small talk, and I seem to generally make people uncomfortable since I just have nothing to say. My only confident is my husband and even him I dont tell everything too. I love my privacy.

I can say because of my past I am even afraid of people. I am scared of being judge, laughed at, ridiculed. I dont go places to avoid it. If I hear people laughing I assume its at me. Its silly I know but its what I think right away.

Its hard. I struggle daily. Its hard to just make a phone call to lets say a doctor office for an appointment, or calling the school for my daughter. But I do it .. sometimes. It takes me a lot of encouragement to myself. I dont always do it but when I do I am happy I did.


guineverre77 guineverre77 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 18, 2011

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You are not alone. I know what you feel, and I too avoid going in public places. I am afraid to be ridiculed and when I hear someone laugh I feel that it is about me. It probably is. I am even shy with my husband. I avoid intimacy, and I feel hurt because I fear letting go and trusting and then being hurt again. I am 25 years old and I have been shy my whole life. I was made fun of in school and by my peers. I feel like I never belong. As if everyone else looks and is normal but me.