Peace At Both Genders

In my life, I've pretty much established myself as being a gay FTM (female-to-male transgender), but sometimes I don't feel I belong to one set gender. Even though I prefer that people use male pronouns when referring to me, I still have that part of me that will always be a little female. At times I just feel like both.

I've had chest surgery and a hysterectomy in the past year and a half, so I'm about done with my transition. Actually, I would consider it the end of my transition now because I don't think I'll ever get bottom surgery. Interestingly enough, my bottom half doesn't bother me as much as the rest of me did. I like that female part of me; I'm comfortable with it. So, if you had to imagine what my body looks like, the top half is male and the rest is female. In a way I've always thought of that being a perfect body for me. Not too obscene (at least for me) and something that shows who I am: bi-gendered.

When it comes to my sexuality, it confuses me a little. I'm physically attracted to both men and women, but I want to have a relationship with a man more than anything else. If I were to meet a wonderful girl who accepted me for who I was, then I'd be with that girl, but for now my dream partner is a bio-male who'd respect me as being male (or at least see me as both genders). I live in a place where that kind of person is impossible to find. I've never been with anyone in my life. I haven't been attracted to anyone in over six years.

Do all these factors make things harder for me in the dating world? I wouldn't know because I've never been part of the dating world to begin with. I'll just have to see where life takes me, but for now I'm at peace with how I view my gender and sexuality. It's a very freeing experience.
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1 Response Jan 13, 2013

(Y) but just a question do you need to change your body in order to be bi ? im kinda bi i like both genders but i accept the fact that im born a male