I Am Confused.

Basically, this female-to-male transgender talked in my woman as hero class today about being transgender. He gave out a worksheet that had the different terms on it, such as gender-queer, pan sexual, gender fluid, bisexual and so on. It was hard to hear because the things he went through and the shakiness in his voice were the feelings I were trying to suppress. I grew up in a very religious household where homosexuality of any kind were frowned upon and woman and men each had their role.I have yet to tell my parents that somewhere inside me, there is a man wanting to come out.

But, here's the catch. I know I am pan sexual. I do not judge by gender, if I judge at all. I don't care if the person I'm dating is transgender or a drag queen, or androgynous or don't subscribe to a gender. But, when the boy presenting in our class mentioned gender fluid, I got confused? Could I be gender fluid? I mean, I enjoy makeup and looking pretty and dressing up, but I always tell my friends that inside, I am a man. My twin sister keeps telling me that I shouldn't go looking for a label, but I just keep thinking that I would love to be able to go to a gay pride week parade and tell someone I am a pansexual _____.

There's this other boy at my school. And he is widely known for his online videos talking about his sexuality. He is a gay androgynous male. In one of his videos, he says that he knows he's a boy, he's perfectly content with being a boy, he just likes looking like a girl. Well, whenever I 'identify' myself, I tell myself there's an inner him inside me. Because I know I'm a biological female, I enjoy dressing like a female and putting on makeup, but on the inside, I'm a definite male. I guess, my point is... I'd just like to know what I am. Have a title... Just so I can proudly say that's what I am. Any ideas?
darkdaugterofpersephone darkdaugterofpersephone
6 Responses Jan 16, 2013

Watch Middle Sexes on yout tube my friend, it helped me firgure some shiz out hehehe

I didn't feel comfortable with the term genderfluid, as I don't feel like I am changing, just that I always am something outside of distinctly male or female. I, like you perhaps, have always felt like I'm a boy trapped in a girl's body who really wants to be a girl. Net result is all good I guess! So I currently go with the term non-binary. Which means that instead of being pansexual then I am polysexual. A very particular polysexual, with androphilic leanings, but polysexual nonetheless.

Interesring name. Do you see yourself as Melinoe, manifesting in strange forms, sometimes plain to the eye, sometimes shadowy and shining in the darkness?

Being genderfluid can be confusing, s the way you feel and your gender expression can not only vary day by day, but within the day, depending on the situation you find yourself in.

Give yourself time and don't worry too much about labels. You are who you are, unique and special.


to be honest it sounds like you are gender fluid. i myself am but the other way round, I'm male but have a fascination with things that are pretty and feminine. my goal is to look androgynous as i feel that would make me feel more happy with who i am. though i know it sucks to feel lost or unsure of what you are, if i am right and that your gender fluid, then you aren't likely to settle on male or female :/ so decide on what makes you happy at the time

:3 Maybe. Thank you for posting your thoughts.

A lipstick dyke? Whatever you end up calling yourself, good for you! If you are not "straight", you'll inevitably find some social dinosaurs who have issues with you. **** 'em. I'm a mostly straight male, but many people are not thrilled with me because I challenge the culture of mindlessness, greed and consumption. Be who you really are. The world will be better off with you as you, not as another cloned sheeple.

And, thanks for taking the time to write openly and honestly.