I Am Gender Fluid And Okay With It

I live in a not strict really, but a devoted Christian household. My parents love god and don't "hate" gay people, but aren't too fond of them. I, on the other hand, have been atheist for a few years now, and am pan sexual and gender fluid.

When I was younger, really religious and thought I was straight, I had a lot of issues with the idea of homosexuality. I thought it was okay, you can't control who you fall in love with, yet ever religious book or person told me "gays and faggots should burn in hell." That confused me, and became one of the many reasons I gave up on the idea of god.

I remember as a child also being very upset about gender. As a little girl, I had wanted one of those plastic tool benches, but I was a girl and supposed to like girly things, so I asked for a plastic kitchen instead. Then, one day I met this boy Eric (he ended up ruining my life but that's a different story) and we spent a lot of time together. I loved spending time with him because he showed me it was okay to like guy things. We played Star Wars video games and had robot fights. It was eye opening as a 7 year old.

I had become a tomboy. I still liked girly things, but I felt that wasn't allowed in this new area where I fit. So I wore jeans and t shirts and became friends with a lot of boys, and we had spitting contests and skinned our knees hunting ghosts in the woods.

Of course during middle school I went back to the girly thing, but I still had guy friends. I went back and forth from having "girly" days and "tomboy" days.

Then summer before junior year (which is currently happening) I realized I really wanted to bind my chest. Not necessarily be a guy, just hide my boobs sometimes. This confused me, and I had no idea what to think, but I was more open minded on accepting people, including myself. I also realized I was bisexual (not knowing what pan sexual was). Eventually I realized I wasn't female nor male, but a strange combination of both. I was so relieved to find I wasn't the only one who is like this.

Today I have a pixie cut, which allows me to style "girl" or 'boy". I get really happy when people mistake me for a buy or can't figure out what gender I am. In the future I want to take T and my dream is to be a male lead, Elder Cunningham, for the show Book of Mormon. I also think it'd be amazing to date a drag queen, and we would dress "normally" during the day but "switch" genders at night!
BlackRose877 BlackRose877
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

Now THAT sounds like me hahaha
even to the mormon bits and gender shifting hahaha
You Rock!!