It Just Fitsi have always hated labels. i am not american but i am not Colombian. i am what i feel like being and their shouldn't have to be a name for it. i want to be free of all labels. but in a society where everything needs to be labeled or else it doesn't exist,, then i chose to be labeled pansexual.
i am not straight. i have known that for a very very very long time. however because of the phobia and the hate my family displays towards anything that is not like them, i always forced myself to be with males. after a while i became numb to that fact. pleasuring guys and making them come back to me just to give the image that i was straight so i could keep my parents content and out of my business, but in doing so i lost myself and became something i rather not repeat.
by being "physical" with only guys and keeping myself from what i truly wanted...females...i feel as though i accidentally turned myself into what i am today. now i don't dislike my label..it is very suiting. but i would have preferred something different for myself.
being pansexual allows me to be with and fall in love with females.. my ultimate dream... while still being able to have feelings and possibly something physical with what i have already been accustomed to...males.
but even before i began to label myself... the person behind the looks, behind genitalia.. that was what i always looked for. i fell in love with the personality before i fell in love with what that person looked like.
maybe i am wrong for being this way.. maybe this doesn't even exist.. maybe i will never be happy and then burn in hell when i die... but i could care less at this moment. i am happy with my label and i will be try to be happy until i die. regardless of who i will be sleeping with.