Can't Remember How I Thought Before...

It started 6 months ago. I'd (admittedly) taken a lot of drugs one night and THINK a few people saw this an an opportunity to have a bit of fun/give me a warning (i'd been sleeping with someone i shouldn't have). Anyway won't go into the horrible events of that evening but will say i'm still suffering and looking for a way to resolve the situation and heal my head.

I'll never know the truth about what happened that night, i was spending time with not-very-nice, sinister people at that point, who i wouldn't put anything past, but i need to get on with my life...

Trouble is the paranoia has stayed with me. I suspect everyone i meet, i was suspicious of my best friends and family, and it needs to stop. When i'm in social situations i suspect theres a 'plan' going on between whoever i'm with. Although i know it's insane i can't help thinking theres a plot to teach me a lesson for the bad things i've done or to test my sability/sanity. I can't remember how i thought before. And its terrifying.

I'm torn between keeping my guard and trusting people who i know care about me. This has lasted 6 months and i've lost some very good friends in the process. I need a resolution.



selfdiagnosed selfdiagnosed
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 8, 2009

I suggest you see a psychiatrist or therpist. It may be biochemical. In my case it is. I used to think I was being followed and watched. I could not talk or think myself out of it. Even watching a roach spray commerical on TV while I was eating caused me to cover my food as I totally felt that my food was being poisioned! Since I've been on medication the paranoia has completely lifted.<br />
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I'm not saying you need to be on medication but what I am saying is go for help.