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Remembering Kyu, Memories, Poems, Short Notes, Etc.

A Poem Of Grieving (sonnet):

How rude of me to have assumed three years
To cherish those blind days as eternal
So much pain in my heart to cry dry tears
While wond'ring if all gods are infernal
I had the memories, caressed and loved
Reminding myself how gentle the bird
And the only song is my lost voice dove
Who knows too much sorrow to say the word
I wish to end the bitterness and pain
But what solace can be found in old text?
The only one who may wash it is rain
Yet even there, will I ever find rest?
Those waves, your memoir, and funeral song
My only thought in mind, this won't last long

A Note On Grieving:

I've lost people before. I know what it feels like. But this time I decided to try and understand the cycle of my emotions. Let's start it with mania. I'm hyper and excitable to hide my pain. Then I realize what I'm doing, and I sob. Afterwards, I want to be left alone to remember, but someone is always there to annoy me in some way or another, and I blow. It's like no one can tell I'm in pain. I don't feel anything but the three. Seems like some people might tell me my sadness is getting in the way of life, but the way I see it life is in the way of mourning.

I'll Shed My Tears (poem):

I'll shed my tears for you
And act as though your heart was mine
Stabbing blade, pierce through
Will I ever know this love again?

What I knew of you, dear friend
Was this golden heart a lie?
I look in and see this feeling will not end
And I can understand

Lady Red And The White Rose:

I have always loved red. Most everything in my closet is some shade of red, or it has red in it. Everything I have loved was red. My love itself is Crimson. My passion, Scarlet. My inner flame is Vermilion. But you loved White roses instead of Red lilies. We we not the same, hardly the same, yet we were still good friends. It felt impossible. Lady Red and the White Rose. But I saw loveliness. A loveliness found in so few. Rarity. I never saw a thorn, or was I just gentle enough to not see them? No thorns. I will always be Lady Red, and you will be remembered a thornless White Rose.

When Life Gives You Lemons...:

Make Lemonade. I know it's sad you're gone, but I think, maybe, I should make the best of what's happened. Would I be writing these if you were still here? Somehow, I doubt I would be, sorry. Would I have realized what you meant to everyone? To me? Another probably not. But I do care. I cared then, I care now. And you aren't suffering anymore. I guess that's lemonade...

Grell And Sebby

Hardly anyone would know the entire backstory to this, or even the characters in context, but Kyu was my Sebas-chan. Vic was Ciel. Colton (my mate) may as well have been William. Kyu was a flirt. That was one of the first things I knew about her. The flirting. I never said I wasn't, but you know... Maybe it was a little humorous how "Black Butler" characters and us seemed to match up. Almost perfectly. But there is a huge difference. I am NOT as flamboyant as Grell.

9 is "Ku":

Vic, you weren't the only one who saw "Kyu" and thought "9". But the big difference is I'm a self-proclaimed tard. At least I have an excuse. Yes, I saw "9" too. But now, if I think "Kyu", "Ku", or "9", I think of an amazing woman you loved so much. I will always miss Nine.

Motorcycles:

I have a bad habit. When I hear a car outside, I go to the window to see it. I have no idea why, I just do. There are seem times I hear the growl of a motorcycle, and I can't help but cry. I remember when she told me about her's, red, my color. No, our color. This and so many other thins remind me of her...

Vic Worried (A Letter):

If only you knew how many times Vic would message me saying how she was worried, or embarrassed by something she said to you, or most anything to do with you. She loves you, even now. It's just like she said one time before "Wolves mate for life". I'll never forget that day. She worried and worried for you. I worried, but never like she did. Wolves mate for life. She loves and cares. Kyu. Vic will be in more pain than any of us. I can tell she's in pain. You should have known how we talked and talked about things that reminded us of you. We told each other how people set us off. The world does not still for the mourning of one, though.

Lady Red Remembers The Rose (Poem):

I look back, search my mind
See my thoughts and try to understand
Painful tribute to final friend
The curtain call for a White Rose
Mournful applause from the audience
Take the bow, and never get up
Red pulls in, closing your scene
Lovely white, pain to the wolves
Rise from the desert sand, Phoenix
In reassuring word
Sobbing side-stage
Lady Red will mourn
While she howls to the moon

Things That Make Me Remember:

-Grell
-Sebastian
-Motorcycles
-White
-Roses
-9
-Weddings
-Vic
-Dresses and Suits
-Sickness
-expressions involving death (ex: to die for)
-Anything lovely
-Clouds
-Nieces

Ceramics:

I was in my ceramics class feeling down. So what did I do? I decided to make something! But what would I make? I wanted to make a heart, no, three overlapping hearts! The middle one says "Kyuhyun". The left has a rose on it. The right has "9". I've decided to make it red and white, our colors.

A Funeral Song (Poem):

What melody sprung from Melancholy
Is noted each day
These false accusations fall
Even wishing it could sway
The heart of your dear actress
Bringing to me my tears
A morning of mourning
Just to throw away lined years

I wondered in my mind
If all gods die
And if they lay their heads on graves
Let it be to-nigh
every note on the horn
Built by each word
There is no sheet for my read
And this song goes unheard

A Happier Ending (Fiction For Em):

There were two wolves. Fate himself decided that the two would meet, and they did. The elder was Rose, and the younger was Red. Rose was a gentle wolf, calm and serene. Red was juvenile, and always looking to start a fire. The two differed, but had common things too. They got alone very well. Rose fell sick, sadly. Red, Zakkiel (Rose's mate), and the entire pack mourned, even though she was still living. But a miracle happened. Rose made a turn for the better, and lived in the pack for a long period of peace. Tears of joy were everywhere.

The World Still Spins (Sonnet):

The world I know still spins, despite my loss
No cruel scarring pain, though it may appear
As though this kinship was my soul to cost
And Black and Red have gne so far, so near
Bringing ending thoughts to her lovely grave
Making me wonder if she had a foot
Tell the Green not to remember a slave
Born in his fingertips, covered in soot
The people still cruel, unnoticing pain
Frenzy on the prey as if they were sharks
But how blind they are to not see her shame
White Rose will never find her way in dark
And even in poem, word of the quill
I find in here, the earth will not stand still

-Lady Red
BloodRedShadow BloodRedShadow 18-21 Dec 7, 2012

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