The Whole Lifestyle Thing

I think we need to know the "why" in this case -- if we are acting like the person we want to become because that is what we "should" do, then it's likely not really what we want. If that makes sense.

I know that old "fake it till you make it" slogan, and that doesn't quite work for me even though it appears to be saying the same thing on the surface. There is a slight difference for me in what I am trying to say and what that phrase says. It's NOT about PRETENDING at all.

First, it is about being tuned into what you really want. For me that started by looking at what I didn't want. I spent half my life walking through it not even tuned into what I really wanted out of it. I knew all the things I didn't like, but didn't really tune into what I did like or want. I think many of us do that in our society. People need "something" and know they aren't happy but when asked the question, "What would you like your life to look/feel/sound/taste tlike?" they have no idea.

If we try to squeeze into someone else's template for life, thinking that is what we "should" do, thinking if we struggle, work harder, "fake it till we make it," we will burn out. I have done that many times in my life.

What I am saying is slightly different. A subtle shift in the heart.

Mine is about INSPIRED ACTION based on knowing who you are and what you want (really want) out of life. Not forcing or struggling. Letting go a bit, easing up a bit, flowing with life a bit and trusting life a lot.

This is all so abstract -- I am trying to relay what I feel in my heart, but words don't exist for what I want to say.

So to answer the question -- the difference would be found in the why, I think. Maybe. WHY do you want what you seem to want? If a "should" is involved, I doubt it would stick. The intention behind our actions matters more than the goal itself. Intention is what drives us each day. Why do I want ... fill in the blank... if the reason is powerful enough and based on who I really am, I will take inspired action to get there. It will become almost effortless (though not easy).

I am no guru - I just share my crazy thoughts out loud. Dump it if it makes no sense. ;)

No, no, it's not bad. I think what happened is that it started out from a genuine place. It was real enough, internally, that others noticed. I imagine that you may be experiencing something similar in your current rejuvenation--people can see the fresh ignition of your soul and respond.

I was scared and not ready to be noticed. So instead of being honest to the PTB, I switched and tried to fill an image I had not yet grown into. So the effort jumped the tracks into a set of "shoulds". I was overwhelmed with the wonderfulness of the attention (!!!!!), a deer in the headlights. So I let others tell me what to do. I almost crashed and burned, but shunted over to an alternate "should" path that kept me from going splat. That may be why that past life was filled with useful movement forward, and actually more successful and satisfying than anything previous, but had its daily undercurrent of emptiness and feeling unable to fill any kind of potential or genuine connection.

Ha, how's that for abstract back at'cha? I'm in the process of trying something genuine again, among people. It's hard to feel like I'm supposed to be able to do something (the dread "should"), yet expose my throat, stumble, in order to actually learn. I just keep reminding myself that no one has kicked me out yet, and the ground has not opened to swallow me.

Thanks for a thoughtful response.

TMBAWO - are you talking about health and wellness or something a bit broader? Have you looked at your lifestyle to include your own thoughts, attitudes and also the kind of people you are surrounded with, your job, home life, etc? Do those things support you in reaching your dreams or hindering you from reaching your dreams? Can some of those things change or be eliminated?

I really just believe in the idea that if we are tuned into our deepest intentions (almost like having a mission statement for your life), it becomes "easier" to take inspired action to live your way to your dreams and it doesn't have to be like paddling up stream all the time.

I read some of your stories and blog, TMBAWO. Sorry to hear of the chronic pain your mom suffered with. I have my own theories about some of these things, but they aren't popular nor widely accepted in today's world. I feel we treat our bodies but fail to treat our spirits/minds. We treat the symptoms but fail to get to the root cause (of any and all disease - mental / physical). I also really do believe we carry the pain of many lifetimes (okay, I can admit that starts getting too strange for people, so I will not go there). Caroline Myss is an interesting person who talks a lot about this stuff. http://www.myss.com/ I Know it's out there, for some, but it feels like truth to me.

Anyway, yes, I went through that fear -- it is why I backed off and retreated back into the safety of a crap marriage last year. But after a depressing summer, I just couldn't take another second -- this fall/winter, my soul DEMANDED changes - real changes - to REALLY break free and live my way to my dreams. No more playing small. Now I do not feel uncomfortable with the attention. My supervisors and bosses are noticing me (and I can think this can only be good for my career), trainers at my fitness class want me to take a class on instructing and help newbies, I am making new friends who want to do similar things I love to do (which will FURTHER support my dream of health/wellness)... etc.. Doors open.

Sometimes it takes ACTION to start to get things rolling, though -- sitting and thinking doesn't change anything or get anything flowing. Doing -- we gotta take action -- fear and all.

Hope this makes sense, I feel I get in wild tangents.......... need to organize my thoughts more on all this, I admit I am all over the place. ;) Take care!!

I totally agree with a lot of what you've stated.