What Is A Passive Aggressive?

I was reading up on passive aggression and came across this extract which described my mum to a tea, so am wondering if she could be a passive aggressive - "When they feel they are being attacked, passive aggressive people will fight tooth and nail to shift the blame to someone else instead. Under no circumstances, are they willing to give up playing the martyr. By playing the martyr they appear both likeable and vulnerable so not only others do not want to hurt them, but they are also extremely afraid of hurting them, because they think they cannot handle it. Passive aggressive people manage to appear so fragile that they can never be held accountable for their actions.They succeed in making others seem like monsters, while they seem like poor innocent victims". 

I came from a childhood where dad was a very heavy drinker - and mum very passive and always a victim even stories she would tell us about were quite sad in that her chilldhood was poor, there 11 children in all, her mother (my grandmother)  died when mum was only  12 years old, she had no proper education, was sexually abuse by an in-law to the point I often felt I was extremely lucky to have a mum at all. And, was made  to feel guilty if you complained, etc.  I am the oldest of five.   I was never 'close' to my mum - As I got older I would say we drifted even further  apart, although I suppose I do love her but I feel and always have from as far back as I remember  that something was always 'amiss'?  Hard to explain really. I sometimes feel my mum can be very childlike  (her inner child remains with her) I was always made to feel 'not quite good enough' so for years I myself had low self esteem.  Just typing my thoughts. 

 

shadow111 shadow111
51-55, F
3 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Funny how you mention that "her inner child remains with her." I always think that inside a passive aggressive person there is a "wounded inner child" waiting for some help to understand what happened and learn new social skills. The problem is that we get so exasperated by the passive aggression that we can't see the wounded little person inside....My ex husband took most of his 60 years to come to terms with the fact that he was molested by a friend of his father's, a person who everybody respected because being a clergy in their religious group. So, he couldn't tell anybody, and so much repressed the issue that never grew up to be a mature adult. Only when he went to a therapy weekend, and forced him to look at his inner child, he remembered the abuse! All that repression only to protect his dad?

Funny how you mention that "her inner child remains with her." I always think that inside a passive aggressive person there is a "wounded inner child" waiting for some help to understand what happened and learn new social skills. The problem is that we get so exasperated by the passive aggression that we can't see the wounded little person inside....My ex husband took most of his 60 years to come to terms with the fact that he was molested by a friend of his father's, a person who everybody respected because being a clergy in their religious group. So, he couldn't tell anybody, and so much repressed the issue that never grew up to be a mature adult. Only when he went to a therapy weekend, and forced him to look at his inner child, he remembered the abuse! All that repression only to protect his dad?

WOW...i havent heard Passive Aggressive desctibed like that before...my friends keep telling me that i am PA, but according to your info..i dont think so. I think once we understand our parents we can begin to understand ourselves...