Excerpt From: Passive-aggressives Looking For Work

 

Excerpt from Passive-Aggressives Looking for Work

by derekdeluxe

 

We are surprised when we can’t find a job when we know that we aren’t really trying very hard.  The only jobs we go for are jobs we feel are ‘beneath’ us.  It’s not uncommon for us to be one of the oldest part-time employees at our job.  We are not depressed about that in the least bit.  We don’t find it odd that almost every single one of our bosses turned-out to be an *******. We resent them all and their unreasonable expectations, but we still do everything imaginable to try and impress them until the day arrives when we just… can’t… go to work. 

We don’t call to say, “I quit”, we let those in-coming calls go directly to voice mail, and we remind ourselves all day about how we hope our failure to show-up really ***** over that ****** place and everyone of its dickhole employees (except for that one dude that we hung-out with a few times after work and the hot one that we really wanted to **** but never got the opportunity.  On second thought, that girl was a ***** for not making it obvious that she was interested in us… and we find her to be unattractive after all). 

  We don’t tell our friends and family that we quit until we absolutely have to.  We tell them that we had to quit, that we needed to quit, but we don’t feel they need to know how we quit.  They say the same thing every time and they are always wrong.  We don’t see ourselves as irresponsible like they say we are.  They just don’t understand, no one does, but we need them to.  If we could just get them to understand, everything would be allright.

When we fill out the ‘Employment History’ portion of a new job application, we fear questions like, “How long were you employed at this location?” and, “Why did you leave?”  We don’t like accounting for those large gaps in our employment history, either.  Even though we dropped out of college, we write, “On a break” in response to, “Did you graduate?” which we honestly believe when asked about school by anyone.  Further more, we’d be grateful if you didn’t call our former asshead managers, bosses, and supervisors.  They might tell lies that don’t match what we wrote on our applications.  Then we’d appear to be the liars and we wouldn’t get the job.  We can’t let this happen because we can’t handle rejection.  Perhaps we should just hold on to the application, it’s probably a bad day to submit it anyway.  Yeah, they probably would reject it if we turned it in today.  Now that we think about it, our penmanship is horrible and we’re going to need to fill out a new one.  We’ll tell ourselves to get one sometime next week.  We finally get the application twenty-seven days later.

derekdeluxe derekdeluxe
26-30, M
Feb 18, 2010