No One To Talk To

I just got out of a two year relationship that he called off. I cannot go online for advice because they all say to spend time with friends and family but I have absolutely none. I am estranged from all family and have been for years. I traveled and all my friends are worlds away. My high school friends hate me for reasons I never figured out completely. Everything people love about me ends up being the reason why I am no good to them. People tend to admire me in the beginning but I am pretty weak and not competitive. The engagement was called off and we broke up because I wanted a baby now instead of later. This is the worst line for advice seeking online, I get shut down immediately by all posters. But it got to the point where sex made me cry because there was something missing in my life and sex was always a way to express the strongest love. It was just a reminder of what I didn't have. I cannot bear the thought of another man touching me again -but if I have the dream of a family then I will have to go trough this-fast . I very private, shy, quiet, and hate physical contact but sometimes people come along that are very gentle and I let them. In this case he was gentle but also scared shitless of the thought of some of the world's possibilities. Here I was trained in childcare and cannot have my own. I know I am wrong on so many levels but the pain was strong and it was real and I could only do so much to suppress it.
amandaloop amandaloop
26-30
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

I feel alone also, I have 3 kids 13 girl, 12boy, and a 6year old, and I have so much family I don't speak to none of them and I have no friends also. Why because family kinda bring you down when you trying to do better for yourself, they also uses you, and friends they say they are but when you put them to the test its all fake, betrayal, they want to know your business but they don't tell theirs, (not that I want to know. My kids father don't help at all so I am taking care of myself and children on my own, I am a RN make ok money but I have god so if I need something or someone to talk to I call on him