Am I Sick
When wasn`t I a pervert?
At age 9 I was regularly enjoying oral sex with my lil` girlfriends. By 11 I had was ************ on a daily basis and had a sex life that was everything bar full intercourse with a girl the same age as myself. This included mutual ************, oral sex, fingers, tounges, the lot.
By 13 I`d started exposing myself, ************ in public places, tom peeping and panty sniffing.
At 14 I lost my virginity and set out on a quest to **** the girlfriends of all the macho-heads that beat me up, mistakenly thinking me a *** because of my delicate looks. I had a 75% success rate, and a ****-load of fun.
16 and I`m experimenting with bondage & discipline. I seemed to attract beautiful people with ugly minds, much like my younger self.
20 and I meet my 1st really long term lover. We consumated our love in the early ours in a public park. This woman introduced to the thrill of public sex. She loved to blow me as we parked in a public car-park, or we would **** doggy style in a park, so that we could keep a look at anyone who may catch us. If we were on a public beach she would get me to sensuously rub oil into her as she tanned topless, all the while knowing she was driving the boys nuts.
But this girl was a needy violent ***-hole, so I got rid of her.
Around the time I got rid of her I got busted for willful & obscene exposure. I was feeling like **** over a variety of issues in my life. Like the violent break-up of a 4 year relationship, the loss of a family member, employment hassles and mental health issues. I just bundled up all the hate, anger & dissapointment that was inside me, and due to my sexual history, that was the means in which I unleashed it. I got a $500 fine, a good telling off, but no conviction. But the real punishment was that my mother never talked civily with me for the rest of her life.
Just before I turned 25 I met the great love of my life. It was at a Men At Work concert. She was dancing with my flat mate, while I had my tounge down the throat of her best friends mother. I was so jealeous of my flat-mate, but that didn`t stop me getting a blow job from the old dear.
In the time between meeting my future wife, and actually asking her out I had every concievable sexual adventure you could imagine.
End of 1988 and I caught up with my future wife at another concert. Drunkenly I pinned her against a wall and made her promise she`d meet me at a party the following week. That week is now 21 years behind us, and not without its dramas.
My wife is a good girl, which means that sex is with the lights out, mouth to genital contact is a very, very special treat, and anything else is just plain sick.
This girl is the love of my life because she is strong, she`s independant, smart as a tack, funny when she wants to be and totally driven. She has given me my beautiful son, supported me through so much in the way of career failure and mental illness and arrest.
She does however lack a sex drive, or what it is that makes a sex drive so important to those of us that have had the fortune to experience lust in it`s most pure form.
For my dear the carnal is the dirty business of men!
If you go back to story I wrote in the experience ain`t no typical man, then you may get some inkling that I`m not the most macho of the male species. Yes! I wan`t to ****, ***, have a ball. But, for the most part I have a great deal of feminine qualities. I raise my son because my wife can`t, and she earns the money to keep us going because I can`t.
I will accept that given my sexual history, that there may be some things out of bounds, but I will not accept sexual indifference.
She has only in the last 21 years initiated sex. More often than not I have to put up with her for a week or more, being ****** as hell after we do have sex. I`m so damned sick of having to choose personality/intelligence over sexual satisfaction/zero self esteem.
Where is the balance? Surely sexual function is normal, so long as we get our fingers out of our back passages and embrace what feels wonderful? Doing away with the ridiculous notion that good girls don`t & all men are the same. Sex is fluid. I have met so many women that are so much more predatory than I will ever be, and have a sex drive that leaves me in the dust. I have also known many men who couldn`t give a ****, and I doubt these guys have had an erection in all the time they been breathing.
What I`m trying to say is that copulating is the best fun we can have. Is there really a better time you can remember than the most intense ****** you may have experienced? Not for me there isn`t!
Ok! So my wife cut me off, barr birthdays & special occassions. So what did this ****-wad do? He started exposing himself again! I`d been good for 14 years, and then within 6 weeks of lappsing into repugnant behaviour I got arrested again. This time I ended up with a criminal conviction. At least it`s only my wife and I know what **** went down, so I don`t have to worry about family, friends, neighbors etc. Like last time! But stlll it`s been impossible on the job front, also been a hassle travel wise.
Last thing I want to do is blame my my wife wife for me being a perverted ***-hole. the end result, is that I am the sole product of my own actions.
It is up to me to decide if if I want to stay in this marriage. Yes I do! There is too much at stake, mostly that of my relationship with my son.
Countless are the times that I want to lick my wifes ****, or have her devour my ****, to play sensual games, tease titilate and all the rest. But, the best of that part of my life seems all but behind me. I will never commit another sexual misdemenour, because of the love of my child, and the realisation that my actions have irreversable consequenenses.
So here I am, once a week. Man on top get it over with quick please. This wsa not what I signed my life away to.