Misery

I have been tortured by my suicidal and homicidal thoughts constantly. Right now I have a strong urge to kill myself. I am on here because I want to distract myself from my thoughts, but it is not really helping. Nothing helps. I just want to feel normal. Is it too much to ask?
SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow
18-21, F
5 Responses Jul 13, 2010

I told my best friend that I have thought about suicide and he told me I am a ******* retard to be thinking that way. It really hit me when he told me that life is hard and never is as easy as it is portrayed to be, all you have to do is persevere and eventually you will find out that life is worth living for and your life will brighten up. If you ever need someone to talk to I am always here.

As my profile shows, I have mental illnesses. I have dropped out of the university and am unable to find a job. I feel like a parasite at home. I am not sure if my life has a purpose. I am still searching for an answer. It seems that there is none so far.

once upon a time...i had a normal life...i had the world fooled.<br />
and i was ok with it.<br />
<br />
how unnormal are you?<br />
some of us have problems we bury and some of us bleed right on the surface. some scream in silence while others cry for help (that sometimes never comes). many people choose to hide who they really are how much they hurt how vulnerable they are. society is full of sharks waiting to smell the blood in the water. Some of us are tired of hiding the lies. the lies that make us hurt, the lies that make us 'normal" to others. some bury deeper some find release some find forgiveness and others distraction. <br />
<br />
Ive had the opportunity to "see" many damaged souls. the world is not as normal as people make it to be. however, purpose does distract and can heal.<br />
is purpose hidden or is it denied?

Normal people would not self harm. They would not think about killing others or themselves regularly and even have plans. And they would not have attempted suicide 3 times in the past 4 years...

distraction perhaps. who's version of normal do you seek?<br />
<br />
its not too much to ask to feel ok. how long we feel ok is up to us. is it the subtraction of a stress that will help or is it an addition to your life that will fill the hole for now?<br />
<br />
band-aids suk and arent meant to be permanent. <br />
<br />
how to do offer different parts of our souls that arent so easy to hurt to the blade of release. <br />
<br />
Glinting steel finds it mark<br />
over and over again<br />
One day it will have an appetite<br />
but no where pleasing<br />
to feast...<br />
will that end its<br />
chapter of "writing"?