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Feeling Put-upon

So i wrote in (Couldn't have my heart broken in a better way) about how i felt about L going monogamous, and going his own way in a different relationship. I was dong well.. i was all about him working this relationship that seemed to make him happy and settled in who he was..

the NRE didnt last long for him, and for a long time i was a sounding board, giving him ideas and suggestions for compromise, communication and overall success in his relationship, which i was fine with- i wanted him to be successful I wanted him to be happy.

But it just dint work that way, She got demanding, and he got resentful of all he had to sacrifice for him. Then she started ignoring him, and eventually moved to another relationship without so much as a blink to how this would effect HIM, let alone me... which clearly i was not a key player in this relationship so why would she consider that.

And im left picking up all the pieces, and im frustrated, he's clinging calling me several times a day... not for support but to ***** about the same things over and over again, and sit in silence just breathing at me. And even though i love him dearly after a week of this im starting to dread his name on my messenger.

It's draining me, not just because of the stuff about heartbreak that is tiresome, but because he is obsessing, he's clinging and he's refusing to even TRY to move on. He has a therapist, and he's working it out there.. but in the meantime i'm hoping to preserve what we have and failing miserably.

I dont want to hurt him while he's already so low but im TIRED... work has been really hard on my lately (i work in a mental hospital) and i've got issues of my own.

how can i show him my love and support without draining myself dry over him?
Shierke Shierke 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 7, 2010

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Thats what i've tried to do latley- be helpful when i can and let go when i know there is nothing i can say to help.<br />
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Lately, i have also had to draw some boundaries- which feels so strange when we've always had an "everything is permitted" kind of relationship. I told him that it hurts me to see him spinning his wheels like this and that while i want to help, i really just cant listen to him obsess over her anymore. <br />
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It worries me about where we are going though because his obsession with her makes me and my feelings for him "less" andi dont know how that will be repaired. But this too shall pass...

When a relationship that you sacrificed a LOT for goes south, it can spin a guy into a tailspin. We start running around in one place trying to go in any direction, but not managing to get anywhere.... running around like a chicken with its head cut off... blind and in terror.<br />
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Sometimes, its best for us, to cut the line and let us spin it out on our own... don't take anything personal and be there when its over... but, yeah, come up with something to keep yourself very busy and maybe even out of town. :)<br />
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I went through hell and hurt a lot of friends with my spastic lashing out and complaining... it took at least a year to get myself balanced out enough for socializing in any way. He just needs that space and time... alone in the pit, so to speak.

Sounds unbalanced to me.

such is the lot of friends, but you definitely need to take a break, drop the cell phone so he can't call, go do something else, be with someone else for a day or a weekend, but, take a break for yourself.