My Story

Well... I have no idea if what I am currently in is poly, open marriage or what. I am married to a man I love and adore. My problem is I have always had a very high sex drive. My husband couldn't care less for sex. It has been a year without sex in our marriage.

Well, my husband gave me permission to find someone out of our marriage to meet my sexual needs. He gave me rules: it can't be someone he knows, always use protection and don't tell him about it at all.

After months of having permission I finally took the step and have someone on the side. I kinda bent one rule, we know the guy but we have only seen him 2x before and he is a friend of him.

I have never had casual sex ever, I always had sex in a relationship and my total number was 3. So this was a huge step for me. I had to find someone I could be comfortable with and this guy fit the bill.

He is fun to be with and great in bed. He is single and knows my situation and is comfortable with everything.

I am also scared of becoming dependent on this guy (for sexual reasons). I love sex and I just realized how much I was missing in this year. Not having sex had killed my sex drive a bit and now I want to have it almost every day... I am trying to curb this since I am terrified of scaring my new guy away. I don't want to seem needy so I really have only been at his place 2 times in a week in a half.

I'm probably rambling too much... But this is me. I have no one else to talk to about this since nobody knows.

Lillith13 Lillith13
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 17, 2013

UPDATE: Well things didn't really turn out ok with my hookup (D). He decided he needed some time and well I haven't seen him since our second time together. I am ok. I got over it quick since I meet new guys.<br />
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I meet M first and he seems a little too dramatic for me, he is an actor. But I liked him and we clicked. We talked for hours when we meet and I really see this going somewhere. He is also married and has permission from his wife. Only he cannot have sex at his place. I am currently living with my father-in-law, so I don't have a place either. We are planning to meet at a motel on the 15th... We will see how that goes. He responds when I text him and stuff so I like that.<br />
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Then I meet T. He is also married and also in an open marriage. He CAN use his place which is awesome. We meet at a coffee place and even though I didn't find him highly sexy I gave it a chance. He is really sweet and nerdy/geeky kind of guy so I thought I was going to end up teaching him stuff. Well, we meet yesterday at his place and OMG it was awesome! The boy knows what he is doing. We had 3 rounds and this guy needed no resting time at all.I loved it!<br />
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So I went from nothing to now having 2 boyfriends. They know about each other, my husband doesn't. I am pretty sure my husband does "know" something is going on. But he said he didn't want to know. <br />
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Both of these guys I had chatted with on OKCupid since December. I gave up and then I saw D. When things got sour with D I decided to try it again with T and M. I don't regret it.I know I am T's #3, he has his wife and his other girlfriend. I don't know if that will be a problem. <br />
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But T is everything D wasn't. He responds to my txt, he is really nice and sweet, and considerate. He seems like he cares. D was practically throwing me out of his place when we were done. <br />
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So yeah, that's it for now.<br />
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P.S. I changed my name because the older one is a nickname my husband has for me. Not a good idea for this.

I can relate to your story a little cheebi. In my case I'm a very passionate person and my husband and I are far too much alike when it comes to matters in the bedroom so we hardly have play-time (although we've never been a full year without it - I feel that if I wouldn't have changed things fairly recently it might have went to that). Being in this relationship I feel has killed my sex drive too, although for me it's been hard because it's hard to tell if it's because I'm truly becoming more asexual or if it's because I just need someone else.

I told my husband from the beginning that I would likely want to find a gf and he was ok with that. It was only when another man came into the picture that he began to worry. I've been involved in a LDR (Long distance relationship) for a year now, but I haven't gotten to be physically intimate with him yet. I'm pretty sure when we do get around to finally taking that step that it will be hard to separate us. It sounds to me like you're caught up in NRE (new relationship energy) and that's really alright. Chances are, this other guy is feeling the same way. So my advice to you is, be open, honest and communicate about Everything. Don't make yourself feel bad for wanting lots of sex. He sounds like he is very understanding, most guys won't complain of too much (unless you're lucky enough to have husbands like we have lol). If you feel you're being too needy just ask him if he feels you are, because if you just then keep him at a distance it might send him the wrong message and cause misunderstanding which is Never good. I will also warn you though, if you are the type of person who finds it hard to disconnect emotion from sex you might find yourself in a pickle. Being with the same partner for an extended amount of time I believe could possibly cause stronger feelings than you plan to have. Sometimes people claim they understand your poly nature but then after a while become attached and want you to leave your primary relationship for them. So just be careful.

Hope this helps you!

Also, it may help to look up some poly forums as well. It really helps having as many poly people to talk to as possible, trust me.