Epiphany

I never understood my feelings before.   For years and years and years, I had bottled up the feelings about being "Bi".  Denial was my friend.  Only after I got out from underneath Uncle Sams thumb and I started to admit to myself what I was, not to mention the disaster of relating this little gem to the woman who was soon to become an ex, I realised that my desires to have a relationship with a male was more important than some furtive encounter.

I was Poly but not for the reasons most guys are initially interested in the lifestyle.  What a dream it would be to find a great guy that could join with my girl and I.  Without reservations, jealousy or fear.  Pretty tall order.  I am encouraged in that she has taken everything in stride thus far.  Almost as if to say, "of course you are dear, that's one of the things I love about you".  Much more pleasant than the shrieking shrew madly ranting about why she wasn't woman enough.  Boy did she miss the point.

On the other hand, by coming to the conclusion I did and researching as I am won't to do, I realised that I had been poly at heart all along.  I just tried to fit new feelings about someone into their Monogamy role chosen for me.  Of course this led to a series of misunderstandings and awful breakups.   Coming to grips with my sexuality, brought me to an epiphany about how I see relationships, that is making a real difference in how I see my life and love.

 

I truly hate "Labels".  However, knowing who you are truly is the key to finding happiness.  So if it takes a label to bring that knowledge, so be it.

I don't know if she and I will ever find that right guy, or couple or whoever, but were talking to each other about our feelings and being open to the possibility.  I guess you can't really ask for much more than that.  Can you?

 

daxisdave daxisdave
46-50, M
2 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I am sure you and your gf will find that special someone. It may take a while, but don't give up!

Thank you for sharing so honestly about yourself. Reading the stories of others helps me to learn more about myself, helps me to dig deeper.<br />
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