You Know You're Portuguese When...

Your mother or grandmother has Maria in her name.

You have a rooster napkin holder.

Your father or grandfather is called Manuel, Jose, Antonio,

You have crocheted doilies on your kitchen counters, dining room, living room, bedroom--on all your tables.

You decorate your walls with plates.

Your house is a mini church with just as many statues of saints and Jesus as your church itself.

You're 25 and still living with your parents. (Extra points if you're married and living with your spouse in your parent's house)

You warn other drivers of police on the highway by flashing your lights, even though one of the drivers might have just robbed a bank.

You baptize your child and send him to catechism even though you might never go to church except for weddings and funerals.

You think all university graduates should be called "Doctor" and like to be called so if you are one of the chosen few who have managed to finish college.

You park on the sidewalk when necessary, even asking the person standing there to please move away.

You have a mobile phone and spend a small fortune on it, but think twice about going to the dentist.

You have a mother or grandmother who wears black.

You spend your holidays in Spain instead of in Portugal because it is cheaper.

If you are a woman, you have been to see a "curandeiro" (healer) or have had your fortune told.

You insist you wouldn't be caught dead buying Spanish olive oil even though most of the olive oil consumed in Portugal comes from Spain.

You laugh at jokes about the Alentejanos but get angry to know that the same jokes are told in Brazil about the Portuguese.

You think that you can catch a cold with a draft or by sitting in the spring sun. Cold drinks are also thought to bring on the dreadful "gripe". And don't let anyone have a shower after eating as something terrible could happen to them.

You get a letter from your doctor saying you can't work because of an "unspecified, ongoing medical condition" and then go on a two-week holiday.

Your child's teacher misses two weeks (because of a letter from his or her doctor) and you don't complain because you also will use the same doctor when you have to miss two weeks from your work.

If you are from Porto you don't like people from Lisbon and call them Moors. The reverse is also true but they don't call you a nice word like "Moor".

You think Brazilians speak incorrect Portuguese and will not read a book written in Brazilian Portuguese.

The last major military victory you can remember your country having was the Battle of Aljubarrota in 1385.

You say that the Portuguese, unlike the Spanish, are good at learning foreign languages.

Your parents own like 9 houses in Portugal but complain about the lack of money in the States.

Going to Portugal involves buying gifts for all 500 members of your family

You go crazy for the World Cup

You refer to Portugal as "O Continent"

You've walked in "as paradas" longer than you can remember

You have grape vines in your backyard

You earned over $10,000 for your first communion.

To hell with the Turkey and Roast Beef! X-mas dinner was bacalhau au braz, baby!

A barbeque does not consist of burgers on the grill... Hello! Can you say sardinhas?

You've had your license for a month, but your $20,000 car has been "hooked up" for a year. I'm talking rims, tints, a system...

A wooden spoon equals discipline, or if you ever had to duck so you wouldn't get hit with flying shoes.

Your parents anticipate that you'll marry your first long-term boyfriend/girlfriend.

When you hear the word "Sagres" you think Beer, not historical marine school.

Nothing beats a buttered papo-seco.

Your 15 year old brother is allowed to have two girls sleep over, but your 19 year old sister can't go out past 7pm.

You think that 2am is too early to go to bed and that 11am is to early to get out of bed.

Your grandmother tells you look sick because you are too thin.

Your parents make you eat 3 servings of dinner at each sitting otherwise they think you don't like the cooking.

You're proud to be Portuguese - and you pass these jokes on to all your Portuguese friends!

PeaceWeapon PeaceWeapon
22-25, M
22 Responses Sep 23, 2008

e claro, como bons portugueses, sabemos fazer troça de nós mesmos xD

Sinal do nosso orgulho de ser português! :)

That was so portuguese, bravo!

Actually I'm gonna post this at my Live Journal with the link and credits to the author.

Actually I'm not the author, but I found it in a public site with no author. This was years ago, didn't think back then I should post credits, but there was none attributed, so I just adapted it and posted as curiosity. Credit is not deserved. Obrigado mesmo assim! :)

I laughed so hard...portuguese born and raised in Lisbon
Muito giro ri-me imenso!

Jajshhshshshshshshsh Eu sou portuguesa e identifico me com algumas destas frases (: Orgulhosa por ser portuguesa. E podem achar que não, tudo isto é verdade :p

Eu sou brasileiro e também me identifico!

Pelas respostas aqui dadas entendi que a maioria são Portugueses ou descendentes de Portugueses porque não escrevemos em Português!

Viva Portugal..............

Because not every portuguese descendant knows portuguese, some even wrote a few barely intelligible things in portuguese, and also I think the EP mods prefer that everyone writes in english, so that other people are not left out the conversation. But I guess it's more the first reason. O que não quer dizer que não escrevamos umas coisitas em português... :P

Well, I am of Portuguese descent! :) Some of these things I didn't know myself! Ha I'm only 15! :P Oh well, enough of that. Even though I'm from the U.S., I think it's strange that I speak both American-English and the true English. I am trying to learn the European Portuguese but I mean the Brazilian Portuguese is harder and well, let's just say they ruined the Portuguese language. "O língua portuguesa é assasinato, NÃO!!!" (Hmmm.... Did I say that right?) I'm not good with it so correct my mistakes!!!! xD Well, at home, my grandmother has some doilies on top of the toilet. She also makes me eat 3 servings of dinner sometimes! No wonder I hardly eat most times. :) And sometimes I do think that 2am is too early for me to go to bed so I go to bed about 5 or 6am and get up about 9am.
Até logo, pessoas!

Hehe, you got to practice more your portuguese!
You better learn your grandmother language!! hehe
(your mother language being english, and your parents mother language portuguese, got it? :P)

I don´t like the Ortographic Agreement too.Why am I writting in English,if now I know your portuguese.LOL.Eu apenas disse tudo aquilo, porque apesar de como dizes, é uma piada ,mas parecia como se estivesses a dizer que os brasileiros falam corre(c)to(ora aqui está novamente o assunto do do acordo ortografico xD.) E tens razão quando dizes que o pessoal do norte diz muitos palavrões, nasci em Alenquer mas alguns anos depois fui viver para o Norte, e muitos nortenhos exageram.

you are an ignorant! Portugueses say "Portugal Continental" because of Portugal islands:Madeira and Açores.Portugueses don´t think brazilians talk incorrect,because they really do.The language is called Portuguese not Brazilian.And you said Lisbon people don´t have "good manners" with people of Porto,that´s not true,it´s the opposite,people of Porto call people of Lisbon son of the b**** and they say they want Lisbon on fire(they hate Lisbon because of Benfica)


Yes I am ignorant, born and raised in Portugal, still living here for the last 28 years...
They call it "O Continent" because this is a post about portuguese abroad, and most portuguese in the US are from Madeira and Azores, the islands. Brazilians speak incorrect portuguese the same way the Americans speak incorrect english, or the Australians, or the Irish or Scottish.. It's just a joke!.. at least until the Ortographic Agreement.. which I don't agree on! It's Brazilifying our Portuguese! And I won't read a book translated to Brazilian portuguese! I'd rather read it in english! Hell, I'd rather read it in french! (bleagh >P)
And as a "southerner", I also think Porto people call Lisbon people bad names and words, but Porto people say bad words all the time, even during formal ocasions, so it doesn't count! :P

Ahah bem! Existe vários pontos em que vejo-me completamente chapado ;) até parece "bidente"! :P
Well written english by the way! +5 rating for the story ;)

Lol my grandad and dad are called Abilio

I think you have to be proud of the way you think! Go ahead!

LOL! That is funny and real! <br />
A Portuguese talking about hmself in a critical way? I loved that! <br />
You made my day!! <br />
Thanks for that!!!

That's what makes pride genuine! If you only have pride of "good" things of your culture or nationality, that's fake and weak! Pride for your culture begins with acceptance of its worst qualities and humor about its stupidest ones! :P If it weren't for them we'd be just like any other culture!

Bacalhau á brás? não seria antes bacalhau assado no forno? regado de azeite :P e 3 litros de vinho á refeiçao a cada um?

It has to be codfish, whatever the type, you name it! I love specially the lunch on the 25th, the famous "roupa velha" (old clothes) - all the "rags" (AKA the remains) from the "Consoada" (diner of the Dec 24th) all mixed together in a tasty coloured cod dish. hmmm... This year I had codfish for consoada, but not "roupa velha"... :( . . . I had turkey... :/

Haha! totalmente

You know you're Portuguese when there are at least six families in the neighborhood with the last name of Souza, Nunes, Mendoza, or Freitas.....when known portuguese families' houses are painted blue, and there are fava beans growing in the front yard. Going to the grandparents meant walking on those plastic runners with the plastic spikes on the bottom so you wouldn't ruin the carpet. And there is always several grotto type alters with religious cement statues in the backyard.

My middle name is Maria, 3 of my aunts have the name Maria, and so does my Grandmother. There are a lot of Marias in my family :) My dad was born in Portugal, and he talks about what it was like, and that actually sounds like it.

Haha what you have written is spot on. The freakiest and annoyingest part when I was living with the rents' was when the alter was outside my door. The roosters and over doing the decorations was cliche. And can't get enough of Sagres!

no wonder i felt at home when visiting portugal!

Thats too funny! And too true ! that is exactly what its like in Canada and U.S.A with the portuguese community.Although for some reason my family managed to do things alittle differently sometimes,but my grandmother was definitely Maria,we did have bacalhau for christmas,and for sure always ate a buttered papo-seco!

I'm Portuguese living in Portugal! :)<br />
But I know portuguese ppl living in other countries.

hi, very interesting letter, are you portuguese? have you ever been in portugal? just wondering...