I Am Precious To Him

When my father and mother got married, my mother doesn't have a single idea that my father is a drunkard and a chain smoker. My mother said that she would cry every time they fight. They had two sons that time, my two brothers.

When my mother got pregnant again, Dad said he badly wanted a girl. If it is a girl, he promised that he would stop drinking and smoking for his daughter. And the moment I was born, he stopped drinking and smoking.

I grew up as a "Daddy's Little Girl", I always get what I want, he always buys me a toy or maybe candy every time he comes home from work, he was the one who supported me through my writing, singing, and painting.

I was more than proud at showing off my Dad. He wasn't like a father to me at all, but my best friend. Until, two years ago. Life too him away from me. He died while he was in a coma after he suffered a stroke.

I was so depressed that I didn't go to school for a month, I didn't spend my summer like most teenagers like me do, I didn't eat well, I didn't sleep well, it felt like the whole world just dropped on me and I couldn't carry that much weight.

After he died, that was when life took advantage of me. My friends stopped talking to me, my brothers became abusive, my mother didn't care about me and cared about her work more.

My brothers already hit me several times, and my Mom doesn't seem to care, she would also hit me too. And what hurt the most, is that she said I was to blame about my father's death. She said he died because of me.

So, my number one solution at that time was to kill myself. I cut myself, bang my head on the wall, strangle myself, and when my brothers hit me, I wish they hit me hard so that I could die on the spot.

He considered me his most prized possession, and he just left me. Left me without a trace, without a warning, without even saying goodbye. Then I started to believe my mother, he left me because of me. He left me because he didn't love me.

Now, I'm still struggling. Fortunately, I have three friends who never left me. They were always right beside me, and they stop me from killing myself again. They tell me that it's not my fault my father's gone. And that it was his time to go, and they said he never wanted to leave me, but he never had a choice.

And they said that I am Precious. I am Precious to him.
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Jan 19, 2013