Growing up I always felt guilty about not liking my mother. I felt guilty because she always bragged to her friends how she had this wonderful daughter who gets good grades, never gets in trouble, etc. The reason I didn't like her is because she was terrifying. I was to be tucked away in my room, not seen or heard. I wasn't allowed to touch anything of hers. I wasn't even allowed to use her bathroom. If I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I had to go all the way to the basement (which is where my bathroom was). I wasn't allowed to make a sound. It was an existence of walking on eggshells. When I was old enough (around 12 years old), she would routinely leave me by myself for weekends at a time so that she could be with her boyfriend who lived 2 hours away. This is when I felt severe abandonment and was very afraid to be by myself. I would have terrible nightmares for years about intruders breaking into my house while I'm alone. The bright side is that there were people out there that I came in contact with who showed me what it was like to be a really good mother. I thank God that I had moms by which I could model myself. I know that I'm a good mom - although I sometimes over compensate. I know that I'm precious too, I'm precious to my son.