Ode to Finding Blue Rain
I have been hearing much talk about the new movie called “Precious.” It is based on a novel called “Push” and if you have never read this book I suggest that you do. Now I haven’t seen the movie but if the movie is true to the book it should be a pretty good one. The novel centers around a young woman named Precious Jones. She lived a hard life that some of us here can identify with. She was raped by her own father, abused repeatedly by her mother, she had her first baby at the age of twelve which was a retarded child, and she grew up feeling totally unloved. She couldn’t read or write and growing up in an economically challenged family there was very little chance for her to overcome these hardships. Something that really hit home for me in this story was the words of the character herself. She said, "Sometimes I wish I was not alive but I don't know how to die. Ain' no plug to pull out. 'N no matter how bad I feel my heart don't stop beating and my eyes open in the morning." When I read this passage I broke down I tears. I had to stop reading the book for quite a while because I was heartbroken for this woman. She later had a person that came into her life as a counselor that taught her that she could overcome to be more than she has been taught she would be.
I had someone like this in my life. His dedication to teaching led me to strengthen my skills and fostered a love for not only writing but also the people around me. He taught me to see beauty in the most mundane of circumstances and helped me to become the person I am today. Because of him I started writing on a daily basis in a journal because he loved creative writing and journaling. His love of the written word soon was instilled in me. His passion for words led me to strive to find new words in my writing. Although most of my writings here are simple I enjoy technical writing and I am a lot more than some of the simplistic offerings you see me presenting here. I remember that in my sophomore year of high school my mother purchased me two thesauruses as I wore out the first one looking for a better word-something unique to impress this wordsmith. Little did I know in my little mind that some of the writings I did back then would become some of the most meaningful in my life. I enjoy writing my blog, journaling on paper, writing all kinds of poetry, writing short stories, and working on my novel. This man may never know how much he touched my life but there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of how precious he was to me. How he took a shy semi-introverted kid that was basically scared of their shadow and made me into the person that loves to share with others and knows when to take a stand when it is important to take a stand.
Some people love other people, some love animals, and some love drugs, food, flowers etc. My love and my passion is writing. Thanks Dr. T. for awakening that passion in me. Without you there would be no metaphors, no synonyms, no thesaurus, and no deep intense passion in my life. You gave me much of the passion that defines me as a woman. For these and so many other reasons you will always be “Blue Rain*”
Blue Rain is the name of the person who leads Precious to change her circumstances in the novel and the post will mean more to you if you have read the book or go see the movie based on it.
I have kept a journal since high school and recently was looking back at these. There are a total of 47 volumes (2 per year for 24 years) and each and every page of those journals has my heartfelt feelings there for those closest to me to read and gain understanding of who and what Jaycee was while she lived. I added my journals to my will recently. My sister will gain custody of these memoirs. I hope that they bring her comfort and peace but I also hope that by allowing her to read firsthand who I am that she won’t make the same mistakes that I made. Maybe she won’t ever be in an abusive relationship. Possibly she will never be involved with a drug user that gets blown away. I certainly hope that no one ever tries to kill her but that is in my journals for her to read about and cry over if she chooses to do so. She may never lose a baby but if that does happen to her maybe she will find strength in knowing that I went through it and lived through it. Maybe she won’t fall in love with her best friend and ruin everything that made the relationship great. Yes, that is in there too. I hope she learns from my journals, that she loves from my journals, and that she cries with the love of a sister over the intense pain that I have written about and poured onto the many pages.
My point in sharing my story is this. When you are writing something on a blog or an experience here or anywhere else never under estimate the power of the words you write. Dr T.’s words touched me and spawned in me the need to write and then write some more. On my worst days if I can pick up the laptop and type a short story then I feel like things are going to be ok. I don’t want any of you to doubt that your words are important because if they are never important to anyone else they are important to me and they touch me; you are my “Precious’s” and I cherish you as well. I only hope that I can touch you as many of you touch me every day.