Pregnant From Casual Relationship...

I am currently 9 weeks Pregnant from a very casual relationship. The father and I dated briefly about a year ago and ran into eachother recently and hooked up, bad I know, however we are here now. He has made it very clear that he only wants  remain friends, which in a way I feel is best for the baby. However I cant help but feel that this is his way of not wanting to completely step up to the plate. He wants to go to all Dr. appts and all that but I guess I feel this way as he is still going out all the time (whether he's hooking up I dont know),he wont tell anyone except his family about the baby. I dont know why this bothers me so much, I guess just another thing to chalk up to hormones. I guess in a way I almost feel li its unfair that my life changes now and if he doesnt want his to he still has 7 months till his does. Anyone else feel this way, or am I just being unreasable?

sarah787 sarah787
31-35, F
10 Responses Jan 10, 2012

At least he told his family. I was accused of lying and knowing I was pregnant before I was with the guy I cared deeply about. The pregnancy news destroyed the relationship. Not only was he hostile, but he kept his kids away from my kids despite their begging to be with each other! It was a nightmare. I was going to keep my distance until the baby was born and we could get a DNA test. I ended up having a miscarriage. You maybe hormonal, but at least he's talking to you and sharing the news, and he believes you! Give him time to come around. Men stay in shock for at least a year! lol!

You are old enough to understand that you will get through this. Be happy about this.

And remember: you and your family will know that you are treating their relatives well. His family will not have that.

Do not forget the court-ordered DNA test

Having become a father like this years ago, all I can say is that for a guy it IS really scary. Try to be as patient as you can, but make it clear that he will be legally liable for supporting his child. No guy likes to hear this, but it's the truth.
I stepped up to the plate, but I admit that in the first trimester I was not only not supportive but hostile. I kept hoping she would have an abortion. Later, I went with her to visit a friend of her's who is a single mother of a little boy. The boy has never met his father, and the little boy's desperate desire for male attention made me cry. From that moment on I was completely committed to doing what I could to be as much a father to my own baby as I could.
My baby's mother and I were hostile for many years, years wasted I think, over all sorts of nonsense. However, we have a beautiful son who is 13 years old now and we were able to put aside all our differences to make a wonderful bar mitzvah for him.
The best advice I can give is to be patient with yourself, with him, and with your baby.

Calyopi, if you have to be this judgmental, just leave her alone! you have no idea what her story is or what she went/is going through!
I am also 8 weeks pregnant, and I was taking the pill! see?? great thing to use contraception but sometimes, it doesn't work! And i am in a similar situation here, except that my baby's dad didn't even come to my first ultrasound, i was there, hoping he would come, but... he didn't... I am still in love with him and, i will always hope he comes back to me, because he is a great man, but men can really freak out sometimes. The best thing to do is to keep our head up, women have been raising kids by themselves for decades, and if we all had to wait for prince charming, or to get married, the number of births in the worlds would definitely decrease, but let me tell you something, even if you got married, there are so many divorces right now that this is never a safe bet!
I wish we could all go back to a time when respect was a value, but, this won't happen, so let's keep our heads up and have our babies and love them more than some people would ever love their kids, and treat them right!

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This is exactly what I am dealing with. Baby is due in 7 weeks and a this point I wish he would just leave me alone and go off happily with his mongoloid new girlfriend. Unfortunately, he acts like he wants the baby around. Perhaps so he can play house with the psychopath who wants to steal my child

I'm in a very similar stuation, I am now 12 weeks pregnant. I was in a casual relationship with the father of my baby and we ended up getting pregnant, he is not absent from the situation, but is not really involved. The most useful advice I can give you is to stay positive, and surround your self with positive and supportive people. It's very beneficial to have a positive support system. Take care of your self and don't be afraid to ask for help. Congraduations! This is a blessing! Good luck!

and no, I am not a perfect woman who has done that. I only know it because I have been suckered by man ****** one too many times.

I don't think it's hormones, it's natural to want the father of your child with you, married to you, in your life. He doesn't want that. He wants to keep you a secret and have sex with other women. You should not be okay with this. You are because you can't change his decisions or actions. You know if you push him, he may not want to be in the kids life at all. It is a product of our very screwed up culture today to make it seem normal to hook up or even to have sex out of marriage. In the future, get married before you have sex. If all women did this, men would not have the luxury of being man ****** without responsibility.

I'm in a very similar situation ... so in all honnesty ... I could have the same hormones lol :) but I don't think your being unreasonable, I dont understand it from my end either.... to me it feels like we will be bringing a kid up in a split home without the divorce... or marriage! I'm super confused about how I feel ALL the time....In my situation we have not "dated"~ very good friends, we get along super well, and have been sleeping together 7-8months when we concieved, I knew he wasn't interested in a relationship originally (he believes he is "broken" from his last relationship) but I don't understand why we wouldn't at least make an effort to try to date??No harm in trying...but the one time I brought up a relationship it started our first fight.... Its nice to know someone else is cocnfused too :)