26 Yrs Old, In School, Single & 6 Wks Pregnant

I'm 26, just finished my pre-reqs for nursing school and just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant.
The guy is a looser that i saw for 2 or 3 weeks..
when I dumped him I told him i never wanted to see his face again
he was lying to me about pretty much everything out of his mouth
I still never want to see his face again. I'm hoping when its too much to hide, that word wont get around and he wont find out...
I dont want him to be a part of this..
I dont believe in abortion, i considered it but couldnt live with myself if i followed thru with it
so now I'm stuck with this and scared as hell and i have no idea how to plan for it or what steps to take
thanks for letting me share!
kafferz kafferz
26-30, F
11 Responses May 4, 2012

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Sooo, I'm having a boy! Lol...just found out the other day and I'm so happy that my lil man is healthy, but terrified at the same time! :o Wish me luck! Haha!

Yay! congrats, thats awesome. I wont find out for another month... I am excited to find out.. I'm starting to get a baby bump that ppl are noticing.
Be happy that you can raise a strong respectable young man who will treat women well, and be a good man!

Thank you both so much for your conversation here ladies!! I am going through a very similar situation with a guy I worked with, only I suppose I am lucky he had no gf at the time and is exceptionally supportive so far...even changing his plans for financial support as I don't ever see us actually being together... How did you tell your families??? I have my first doc appointment on Tuesday and want to tell my parents after that. I'm also a teacher...anyone have suggestions for how to deal with that 'shame' shall we say of going back to school in the fall three months pregnant and single?

Well, my parents arent together and they live a few hours away so I dont see them on a regular basis, I told my mom first, over the phone... I kinda just blurted it out- I asked what she was doing, she said "driving" so I said.. "dont crash when i tell you this, but I need to let you know I'm pregnant" she let it sink in, and said "oh, okay" she asked about the guy and I just said "he's not going to be involved" and she didnt ask any more questions... She only told me she loved me, and she was happy to be a grandma again, and that she'd help out however she could... with my dad I waited till I was a little farther along, I was super scared and he was the last important person I needed to tell... I called him up, and said " i hope this doesnt make you mad at me, but I'm pregnant" He replied with "oh, really, you are?... I always wanted to be a granpa" it made me cry! He then asked about the father, I told him that he's not happy with it and isnt going to be involved... So my dad said "well thats okay, let me know what you need and i will help however I can"
So both of my parents I was scared to death to tell but both of them took it really well, and went above my expectations... You might want to wait a few weeks to let it set in (just for yourself) it will also give you time to think about how to tell them, and also what your plan is (cus that is really important)..
As for the "shame" I have no idea what to give you in terms of advice there... Its been really difficult for me... I think you kinda just have to Keep your head held high, and make the best decisions you can for yourself and keep going... You will be suprised how different peoples reactions will actually be vs what you think their reactions will be... I've only had one person say anything negative, and that was my ex fiance who is psychotic... his opinion doesnt matter :) I hope that helps a bit... Good Luck to you! let me know how telling the parents goes..

I hear ya, girl but there could be several different reasons for that. Maybe your mom learned things that she didn't know while raising your sister, hence giving you a slightly different unbringing? Maybe your sister's naturally demeanor in life didn't coincide with your mother's, furthering the problem? Or maybe your right, and it's psychological...but my point is that you shouldn't believe that there's a big chance that it could happen. Sometimes, what you put out is what you get back in life, and what you expect is what will be the outcome. <br />
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Hopefully I'm not coming off with a "holier than thou" attitude...I'm only telling you this because it's what I keep telling myself on a daily basis so that I'm able to keep my head up. I fully believed, in the first little while of my pregnancy that the father is a sociopath. I looked up "sociopath" and was flooded with information about how it involves the absence of a large part of the frontal lobe in the brain, mostly hereditary through males, and takes away the ability to reason like a normal, fuctioning, human being does. Yikes! But I'm trying my fricken hardest to put it out of my mind and dismiss it as something that's highly unlikely. Easier said, than done..I know

your right about what you put out into the universe comes back even things you dont intend... I've come to the point where I tell myself "i'm going to try to raise the most level headed, open minded, realistic, happy, and inteligient being I can" your right everything is easier said than done but we just gotta keep on keeping on i guess :)

lol...I didn't want it to be a boy either. I didn't want it to look like him and especially didn't want it to be like him! But no matter what, your baby won't be anything like him. Nurture over nature, I'd say. You'll end up loving your baby more than you can imagine. I know you're not feeling too pumped about it all right now, but one day you won't be able to imagine it any other way. The fact that you couldn't give it up, says a lot about how you already feel about this baby. You're gonna be a great mom...just hold on tight until you get over the next few hurdles!

Lol, my older sister, didnt have her actual father in the picture her whole life... and my mom says she is exactly like him... I blame it on a psychological illness that is hereditary... cus my brother and I arent like her at all, lol... I just pray to god that my kid doesnt have the same type of detached personality disorder that i think the dad has... I dont see how people can get by living like that, through lies.

you need to find a new school ad a different place to live where the father can not get to you easy<br />
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he sounds like the ex that killed my gf at 19

he's not abusive, never was. Just a lying irresponsible *******. I havent heard from him since i told him about the pregnancy. I highly doubt i have anything to worry about. thanks for the concern though

Oh my god...honestly, it sounds like I'm hearing my own story, back to me. The father of my baby said the same things, almost exactly. He's sit on the patio while I was working and call me names and even went as far as to tell me that he and his girlfriend were saving all of their money to take me to court to make the baby away from me, the second it's born. Then the text messages from her started rolling in. They were pretty pleasant. How pathetic could she be? Anyway, I cried everyday at work, and couldn't quit because I obviously needed the money to raise a child and I knew I wouldn't see any from him. Eventually, people at work started to dislike him, ba<x>sed on the way he was treating me. He was about to get fired but I think he sensed it coming, because he quit before they had a chance. I felt victorious! Everyday has gotten a little better since. <br />
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It's funny, because I always thought that if anything were to happen like this and I didn't feel that I could raise a child in the ideal environment, then I would abort it....turns out, maternal instincts kicked in, I fell in love with the little being inside of me, and aborting it was impossible. It infuriated me that this guy thought that he could just give me money to overcome the feelings of loss that I would've felt. My whole opinion changed...aborting would mean failure, to me. Although this is not the perfect, ideal environment right this second, I still have the opportunity to make it one. You're misery will get WAYYY better. At 11 weeks, I was still having days where I'd be miserabe, thinking things like "what have I done?" "Maybe I should've just aborted" but I chalked it up to hormones, because at 17 weeks (to the day) I seldom have those thoughts anymore and I've begun nesting and doing everything I can to make this place the best it can be. <br />
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I'm so happy to hear that your family is supportive! Mine is too. My family is making room for baby and I, so I can stay home until I finish school. All my friends are excited too and this little person is gonna be sooo loved it's ridiculous! I find out if it's a girl or boy on June 14th. I've never been more anxious for anything!! Have you had an ultrasound yet? Have you heard the heartbeat? I cried at both appointments (happy tears, of course!) It was so beautiful! I'm excited for you to be further along. Everything gets so much better...moods, energy, appetite..everything! Keep me posted! :)

Oh wow! I guess I am lucky then, because he is avoiding me completely! lol it also helps that I have him blocked via facebook, through my phone company, and he doesnt know where my new apartment is.. I doubt he is trying to get ahold of me anyways

I thought that before too, about having an abortion, that maybe i'd have one if I wasnt ready or wasnt with the father, but once i found out i was pregnant, i even tried to rationalize with myself the pros and cons, and I couldnt bring myself to make that appointment.

I hope the mothering instinct kicks in soon! I feel bad that I'm still not excited about it, even almost at 11 weeks.. I'm still kindof ashamed and shocked, I understand and know whats happening, but i still kinda hope i will wake up in the morning and not be in this situation.. i cant believe this is happening to me, i wasnt ready for this.. and its not controllable now..

Yeah my dad is letting me move back in with him, he had offered 2 years ago for me to move in rent free as long as I went to school full time, but i've been too stubborn to accept the offer. Now I'm willing, I need to get my degree and start my career! Thats awesome your family is helping in the same way! everyone (except a select few.. enemies) have said positive things about me being pregnant, That i'm going to be a great mom &amp; they are all excited for me... I'm just scared as hell! lol

I had an ultrasound when I first found out, it showed the yolk sack and the little peanut... they gave me a due date of dec 23rd.. and I heard the heartbeat.. I didnt have any emotions... and my thought was "holy ****, this is really happening" I cant wait to be finished with this trimester, only 2 more weeks left of it! I have been lucky to not have much morning sickness.. Just exhausted all the time, taking lots of naps, and cranky! I cant wait to get energy back... I wont find out for another month or two (i think) what i'm having boy/girl.. I'm hoping for a girl though, cus my family makes gorgeous girls, and also cus i dont want a boy to remind me of the father lol .. i pray my genes are stronger!

Your story just caught my eye...I'm in almost the exact same situation! I'm 25, and will be finished school (pre-reqs for nursing) in August. I'm 16 weeks pregnant. I was sleeping with someone I worked with, got pregnant, then found out that he has a girlfriend at home and a daughter. Sweet. Anyway, the mistake that I made (I guess I had no choice, considering I worked with him) was telling him. I know I can do it on my own, as can you (women are powerful, able beings), but now I have this loser calling me every couple weeks, asking how things are. Now I'm struggling with the decisions that I have to make around what to tell my child. "I'm sorry...your Dad knows about you, he just doesn't care enough to see you?" I know he'll never visit. How could he, with another woman at home and no license to drive to visit me? If there's any advice I could give in your situation, it's to never ever tell this loser that he has a child on the way. If he really is a loser, he won't man up and then you'll be dealing with the same worries about what to tell your child in the future. Definitely more harm than good!<br />
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Basically, you're in a situation that's totally do-able! Actually..more than do-able.. enjoyable and rewarding, even! Your timeline for school might change slightly, but what ever goes as planned in life? You wouldn't be given any challenges that you can't handle. Have faith. :) Good luck with everything and seeing as how our situations are extremely similar, it might be beneficial for both me and you to chat.

Wow! so happy to hear from you.. thats insane!!
Holy **** our stories are similar, You see, this guy, had a girlfriend but told me they were broken up even though they werent.. and he was still with her while with me... I did end up caving and telling him.. at first he didnt want to believe and kept looking at the calendar and trying to do the math trying to be like its not his... Then he started crying, told me this is going to ruin his life, his family is going to cut him out of their wills, he was mad because he just 'got a new girlfriend he really likes, and this could ruin his chances with her' and I am selfish to not consider his choice of abortion... He even offered to pay for the abortion AS WELL AS $10,000 'for my troubles'... I told him no thanks, and blocked him from contacting me through my phone company and through facebook...
I worry about what i'm going to tell my child as well! "your dad is a lying piece of **** that didnt want you"? lol I just hope my kid has enough love from me and grandparents to cover the gap of no father
I'm glad you shared your story with me
I have been starting to get more used to the idea of my situation. I'm still kinda ashamed... slowly starting to get excited/maybe a lil happy.. i've been very bitter about it, but still doing what i can to stay healthy and do the right things for the baby.
When do you find out boy or girl? I'm almost 11 weeks now.. almost done with the first trimester, thank god, i cant wait to get some energy back! what has your experience been like for you? do you have family that knows, and how do they feel about it?

one month later, my family all knows, they are happy for me and say they are going to try to help out and support me as much as possible... thanks for all the good words!

look relax there are better guy that will not care if you pregannt or not .... just relax and take it a step at a time

Stick with it and my strongest advice is to try to gather the support of friends and family. You absolutely don't need to even think about him. You can do it, just take everything one day at a time!