Pregnant - A Happy, Sad, Confusing And Scary Time...

I am 26 years old and almost 8 weeks pregnant. I am also recently single. I was with my ex for 16 months, he broke up with me at the beginning of October because he was unhappy. I was as ok with it as I could be, a week later though we started hooking up again, I knew it was just sex but it didn't change the fact that I am still in love with him. Anyway I had to go away for a couple weeks but we kept in contact everyday. When I got back home where we went back to hooking up. He told me he still had feelings for me but didn't want to get back together but he also didn't want to be with anyone else, he just wanted to be on his own. A couple weeks later I found out I was 4-5 weeks pregnant. I was shocked but happy. When I told my ex he was just as shocked, he told me he didn't think we were ready to be parents - excuse me but how would he know if I was ready or not?!? He said whatever decision I made he would be supportive but was not ready to be a father. I thought about abortion - only because that was what he wanted - but deep down I knew that I was keeping this baby. I am strongly against abortion unless absolutely necessary so I already knew I was keeping it. I told him I was keeping the baby, I couldn't go against my morals, and he respects my decision but still is not ready. He said he would be there for me but keeps making a point of not being ready for fatherhood, but everytime I need him he is never available. I had my first ultrasound last week and asked if he would like to come, he came along even though he really didn't want to be there. It bothers me that he still wants to still be a part of my life but not our child's life. How can he reject something he helped create? We talked on the weekend and he asked when my next ultrasound will be, I took this as him wanting to get more involved and maybe taking and interest in his child's life but then he told me he still wasn't ready. I would like to think he will eventually come to terms with everything and want to be there for his child. I know he does not want to get back together but I still love him and I don't think that will change for a very long time. I feel so alone in this. My parents are away until April and all my close friends live in far away. I don't know what to do, this is my first pregnancy and I'm scared all this stress is going to hurt my baby. Don't get me wrong, I really want this baby. I'm so excited to watch the changes my body will make and to finally meet my child, to mould this jellybean into a wonderful person. But like I said, I'm just scared and afraid, lost... Please help!
waisian waisian
26-30
Nov 26, 2012