One Foot In Front Of The Other...

My story starts 10 years ago when I met who I thought was the love of my life. We moved in together as quickly as we could and had that stupid happy love. About 4 years in, I got pregnant. It was unplanned and we were still fairly young but we were overjoyed nonetheless. We intended to spend the rest of our lives together anyway. My husband began drinking more and more heavily around the time I fell pregnant. He would become violent and enraged when drunk. I often spent time hiding in the closet to get away from his rage. We tried to make changes and moved halfway across the country when I was 34 weeks pregnant to start fresh. It worked at first. Our son was born and we were blissfully happy. He was the most attentive father and husband I could have asked for. Soon the anger started to come back. He was emotionally abusive and would punch holes in the wall our of anger. He would abuse our dogs in front of me just to make me cry. We again tried to reconnect and move on. It was ok for a few years and we planned to have baby #2. He began to pull away. He stayed out all night partying and drinking. He hooked up with random girls. He missed work with hangovers. He largely ignored our son. We again tried to start over somewhere new and I found out I was pregnant. During my pregnancy he became heavily addicted to marijuana. Smoking it at 12 times a day, while also drinking hard liquor all day long. He became angry and emotionally abusive and disconnected. He decided it was due to depression about his job (or lack of one) and decided it would be best to try to work a job out of the state and save up some money before my son, newborn daughter, and I moved to be with him. It was hard, but we spoke on the phone multiple times a day and really reconnected. He came to visit almost monthly for a week, sometimes more. After about 6 months he received a DUI. He was so upset and swore to never drink again. I stupidly believed him. He lost the job after another 5 months and moved back in with us. He luckily found an amazing job and things seemed wonderful. That's until I found out about the affair. He was continuing an affair he had begun out the state. I was devastated and he seemed so sorry. We attempted counseling and tried to move on. I fell pregnant shortly after we began reconciling. It was a surprise but we thought things would be ok. That was about 5 or 6 months ago and nothing changed. He became more and more distant. He began drinking heavily and disappearing all night. He started having drunken rages. He admitted he had been in love with the other woman but that it was over. Six days ago he got on an airplane. He said there was an amazing job opportunity he couldn't turn down. He kissed me over and over again and told me how much he loved me and wanted to grow old with me. He hugged our son and promised him that soon we would have a house together. Two days later after no contact from him a concerned friend told me the truth. He had run away to be with the other woman. I am six months pregnant, with two young children, and no income as he paid for me to stay home with them. He is homeless, unemployed, drunk, stoned, and spending his days snowboarding with his new toy. Last contact he said he didn't want any custody of his children and had no desire to visit them. I know I should have seen it coming and that I've been a weak and codependant person. It's still the hardest thing I've ever been through. Delivering this new baby boy alone will be so heartbreaking. Telling my 5 year old his daddy is gone forever was probably one of the saddest things I've ever done.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 21, 2013