I'm Soon Gonna turn 20 And Become A Single Mum!

I got pregnant "by mistake" with a guy I'd just been dating for about a month. We were stupid and didn't use protection, I thought "it won't happen these two times since it's never happened before when I've not used protection"... Also I thought, if I do get pregnant it's "meant to be". When I got the plus on my test I could never consider abortion as a viable option since I don't believe it's right to kill something living and I already saw the embryo as a person altho I know it's just a few cells in the beginning.. So I quickly decided I'd keep the baby. Me and the guy tried to make our dating into a serious relationship, he moved in with me but in truth I never really loved him. Before I found out I was pregnant I wanted to stop seeing him but after the plus I thought I had to be with him since I was pregnant and "needed him". I never wanted to touch him, be close to him or even sleep in the same bed. I didn't think we had anything in common, I didn't enjoy his company and I became more and more unhappy with my life. After 3 months of this "relationship", during which we never had sex or even cuddled, I realized I just couldn't live the rest of my life like this. I wanted and thought I deserved real love and happiness. I broke up with him and he was very surprised (!), he said he'd wanted to marry me and buy a house etc. I still don't know how he could have missed that our relationship was pretty much nonexistent and certainly not one that could ever evolve into a happy marriage.  For a long time, I think he thought this break-up was just a "phase" and that I would take him back soon. It took him weeks to get all his stuff out of my apartment and he wouldn't "let go of me", he wanted to keep seeing me and call me almost everyday etc. Eventually, I think I made it clear to him that we wouldn't have anything to do with each other except in our role as parents in the future and since then we don't have any contact at all except through mail when it concerns the baby (like after ultrasound or other examinations). I don't know how big a part he'll play in the kid's life, I hope he'll be there for him/her as much as possible but I'm not sure. When I've brought up the subject of making a plan for how and when he'll spend time with the kid after it's born he doesn't want to talk about it. But it's just under 4 months left until my due-date so there's still time for that...

nyponros nyponros
18-21, F
Mar 14, 2010