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A Baby!!

Please don't judge me. Don't tell me what to do or etc. so I'm gonna get to the story. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year as a month. He's not only my boyfriend, he's my BESTFRIEND. We've been through so much, but he's always been there for me through thick and thin. He's never once let any one hurt me. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. We're both virgins, but we do talk about sex. I asked him, "what if I got pregnant the first time?" And he said "that wouldn't happen. " I said "anythings possible., what if I did?" He said that he'd be disappointed, but he'd be there for me and the baby and accept all the criticism because he's gonna be a daddy and need to grow up. Just as well as myself. I know what it's like it babysit and etc. I have 3 siblings. 2 sister and 1 brother. I feel as if I'm ready for a child. I can take care of him/her. All the financial stuff? My parents, family, and friends would help. I shouldn't really depend on them, but it's something I would have to do. I've had the sex talk with my mom and familia. They told me that if I even tried to get an abortion they wouldn't let me. I don't believe in abortions though. I'm NOT going to try and get pregnant. I'm just saying.. If it happens. I feel ready! Losing friends? I could care less! Family comes first. I do have CLOSE friends that' wouldn't leave me through the pregnancy and they would Stick With me through everything and so would my family. Everyone doing all the fun stuff? I have a baby to take care of. I don't need to be out there partying and etc. school? And education? I go to school two times a week. I can still stay in school! I DONT have to drop out. It won't be the easiest thing having a child, but let me tell you. I'd be a wonderful mom. Call me conceited? Because I'm not. I know how to raise a child. Don't tell me to go watch kids at the day care because I'm not going to. I'm 14 and this year I'll be 15 in September. But would you support my decision if I got pregnant? I know the daddy's usually don't stay but he would! I could still stick in school. I take all my work home and finish it! I could cope with missing out with all the fun and not being able to be with friends and stuff. I could cope with the sleepless nights for a couple months and wakin up early and taking care of my baby girl-boy. I could cope with all the sleepless nights. Please tell me what you honestly think. (I've raised newborns also, because their mothers are tweakers and don't know how to take care of them. I've been told I would be a wonderful and amazing mother.)(the daddy is 15 & I'm sure he can get a job soon, not a full time job and we both have very supportive parents and families.) I have a supportive dad and etc. (don't tell me I'm not ready please, because you haven't been in my shoes. ) and I can deal with the pain of losing my virginity. Don't call me "irresponsible" because when I end up having sex I'm gonna e very careful. I'm gonna make sure I'm on the pill and he has a condom and everything. Before anything I'm gonna make him get checked for HIV and stuff. But please no criticism and tell me how you HONESTLY FEEL ABOUT THIS. Thanks :)
An Ep User An EP User 18 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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I think that at your age you shouldn't be having children, wait until your Older. I'm sure you would be an AMAZING mum, I'm not criticising you at all! But it's not fair on you to go through missing out on school, how would you get a proper job? I know you said you could do it at home but it's really not ideal.

I think any woman who can give their baby up for adoption is extremely strong. I can't imagine what some days may be like for any of you. Its such and unselfish thing you have done for the many reason I am sure you had. I live in Alabama, United States and I have been looking to adopt locally so it can be more personal and without agencies. I would love to adopt a newborn caucasian girl. If anyone is looking to place their child for adoption and is interested in me please contact me. I am 27 years old, I have one son who is almost 6 and I am an elementary teacher for general and special education. hopefultoadopt.com please no scams from foreign countries, i'm not going to indonesia ( not doing international adoption) America needs our help just as much.

I'm 14 and I am pregnant I won't be 15 untill two months after I give birth to my baby I am engaged and been with the father of my baby for 6 months I'm deffinatly inlove and we were engaged even before I got pregnant no its not gonna be easy noone supports me we have to live with some people in his family and drugs r in and out of there that's not where I want my child to be but I'm gonna have to do what I have to do for this baby and I'm gonna give it a wonderful life I'm still proud to be a mommy even tho Its hard lifes hard and I wouldn't change it if I could my fiance only makes 390 a week not much but we will make it and I still am going to stay in school I still wouldn't change anything for the world I love my baby more than anything already and I wish she/he was already here in my arms I wanted a baby and its just what I got so I understand completely where u are comeing from if ur ready to give anything for u baby and do whatever u need to for it then I support u completely some people will tell u ur life is over no its not true its just the begining of a new one and it revolves around ur baby but I am so happy to be haveing this baby and we will be just fine no matter what this baby Is the best thing to ever happen to me and nothing could change that if your ready then have u a little one I support u 100 percent and u can talk to me if you need to talk

I'm young too and think about sex. But when you say that you don't need to be out partying.. That's the fun stuff. Plus babysitting and "raising" babies is different than having one. That's eighteen years (more if you count the nine months) that you have to worry about. Not just when they're a baby. You want them to go to a good college. I'm totally not judging you though. You never know what the future holds. Your boyfriend needs a stable CAREER to take car of a child not just a job. You also need college. But you probably know all of these things. If you know all about the school, and finances, wouldn't it be better if you just waited because then you won't have to worry. I've watched 16 & Pregnant and it didn't have that much effect on me because I don't have a boyfriend and didnt want to have sex either but seriously.. It's hard. HARD. It's not all fairy dust and sunshine. Trust me.

Although it FEELS like your ready,doesn't mean you are.Sweetie,I'm 14 too.I'll be honest.I have considered it,but then I stopped and thinked.I've seen 16 and Pregnant,and none of it is easy!Even if the father stays,school is still a hassle even though it may not seem like it,but it will get over whelming,and exhausting!Sweetie,you sound VERY mature for your age,but once you finish high school and maybe college,you will probably find that it is MUCH easier to do stuff.You will have money in the bank,a full time job,your own house and husband,and money won't be a problem!Lets face it,babies are EXPENSIVE!They need diapers,food,clothes,a crib,the list is endless!All I'm saying is(and trust me I'm not trying to judge),when you're good and ready,it'll be so much easier!Enjoy your teenage life right now,it has just began!:)

Smart girl,just keep your head on right!;)

❤XoXo❤

You sound like a very thoughtful, committed and mature young lady who has her head and heart involved in life. Sex is a most wonderful experience, truly. It sounds like you would like to be married one day, hopefully to your sweetheart. How long would you like to be married for? Everyone hopes to be married forever. Ideally how many sexual partners would you like in life? I think most women would like just one, and they want to be the 'one and only' for their lover too. I know it sounds idealistic and old fashioned and everything, but lots of people still start out their sexual lives being married first. I highly recommend a book called 'the ring' by Chris Vallotton. It's a Christian book, and gives a unique understanding of why to wait.

I myself don't have experience here, but I can tell you that babysitting and taking care of other people's kids is completely different than being a mom. And 'could cope' is a lot easier to say than 'will without complaining.' I think you should go to school more, get good grades, and wait until you're older and have lived your life a bit before you have kids. What about all the financials- health care and just having an extra person? It's not fair to expect your friends and family to pay for your baby.

If you're gonna do IT, be extra careful!! Make sure you time it wrong with the friend.
If you're in doubt, think about the future of your baby and if you want them to look back at you as being responsible and mature.
:)

My view? You should live your life before you create one. It's tragic when people have kids young then try and relive their youth when the kids are grown.

Grow up, get educated, travel, get a decent job etc. Don't have a child on a whim, you will regret it in the long run.

I can almost guarantee said boyfriend will not stick around if you get pregnant, you might think otherwise but your being naive and a typical over-optimistic teen.

Firstly, I want to point out the number of times you used the word "cope" in your description of caring for a newborn. Life really is about quality, and not just for you. If you have a baby at fourteen, then you're not only expecting yourself to cope with how difficult it is to raise a baby, but you're expecting your baby to cope with having a mother who is little more than a child. The difference between you and the prospective baby in this scenario, is that YOU have a choice. And you are choosing for both of you.

Secondly, you seem very flippant about depending on your parents for financial support, but are you really considering the burden that you would be placing on them? It's really great (and I mean this sincerely) that you have a family that you really feel would support you through the toughest times. That is a privilege that a lot of people don't have. So, that you have it, is amazing. It's wonderful to know that your family will love you no matter what "bad" or "unwise" or "unhealthy" decisions you make, and that they will help you deal with whatever consequences arise from the actions that you take. That said, is that something that you really want to take advantage of? Rather than demanding or testing this unconditional love and support, would it not be better to repay it? Stay in school, have a successful career -- put YOURSELF in a position in which YOU could support THEM, should they need it, as opposed to putting yourself in a position that will force them to bear the burden of your choices. Yes, it's great that you have that support, but that support is there in case you need it -- it's not there for you to put yourself in a situation in which it is needed.

Thirdly, you seem extremely confident about your abilities to be a WONDERFUL parent, and what I can say about you is this: you are intelligent, articulate, confident, and gutsy. Those are traits that I can tell you have, just by your initial post, and by your responses to other people who have commented on your story. And those ARE traits that are needed in order to be a fantastic parent. However, those aren't the only things that a child needs to learn from its mother. A child needs to learn how to be self-sufficient and responsible. A child needs to know how to make good, smart, healthy choices for itself and for the people around him/her. Finally, a child also needs a consistent source for food, shelter, and clothing.

Here are two questions I would suggest that you ask yourself before deciding that you would be a terrific parent:
1. What are the requirements for becoming an adoptive or foster parent, and would I meet (or exceed) them?
2. What is the rush? What motivations do I have for wanting to have a baby at fifteen? Am I trying to "lock-down" adulthood, so that I can get started with my life? Am I testing the people who say they love me, and will support me, no matter what? Am I trying to "lock-down" my boyfriend into a lifelong commitment (if not to me, then to my child)? Is there really nothing I'd rather do with the next 18 years of my life, than dedicate each and every moment of my waking and sleeping life to this person who is going to do not much more than need and demand from me everything I have?

We already know that the answer to question #1 is "no", so let's skip to #2. Maybe you're clean. Maybe you have no hidden motivations for wanting a child, other than to have a new, extra person to love and take care of. Someone who is all yours, and who will love you unconditionally, like you will love him/her. And to that, I say -- look at your relationship with your parents. Remember all of the times you've resented the choices they've made either in managing your life, or in how they've treated you. How many times have you said, "When I have a kid, I'll never [fill in the blank: do this thing that my parents just did]!!!" This judgment, this resentment, this is what you're signing up for. Every single bit of the unconditional love is going to be from your side. No matter how bratty your kid acts, no matter how badly your kid embarrasses you, no matter what bad choices your kid makes -- you will love him/her. And your kid, when you say "no", or "maybe", or "later", will answer "I HATE YOU!" -- and mean it, at least for a while. And, hey, y'know, being a parent can be great -- but is it something you really need to do right now? Can't it wait?

I've read your comments to the responses you've been given so far, and you've mentioned that you take this question very seriously and that you're not planning to do anything YET. That's good. Keep taking it seriously, keep thinking about it, and keep wondering if it would be right not only for you, but for that prospective child.

This has helped me a lot. I'm not trying to say I'm goin to get pregnant. I just want to be extremely safe about having sex. I'm sure my boyfriend loves me and he's not trying to say he loves me just to get into my pants, but I could be wrong. But I DO love him and I want to be with him. I just needed help and advice if I did actually get pregnant and this helped me a lot. Having a child is a huge responsibility and you helped me through a lot. Thank you so much! :)

I'm glad that my response helped you.

I'm curious as to what you mean by the word "love", though.
* What is love?
* What does "love" look/feel/smell/taste/sound like?
* How can you test whether love is true or not? (Hint: having a baby is not a good test. That's sort of like testing whether or not a bomb works by lighting the fuse.)
* How long does love last?
* What creates lasting love?
* How does love change to like or disgust -- and what do you do when that happens?
* What is the difference between lust and love?
* Is love a choice, or something that just happens between people?

These are philosophical questions that poets have been pondering throughout the ages, and we all still wander around, wondering what the answers are. You don't have to answer those questions, but I am curious. I would like to pick your brain. You seem like such an intelligent young lady, and I think you might surprise me.

I'm not trying to have a baby with him to try and stay with him for ever. I'm not trying to make a commitment. It's 2:51 am over here. I'll chat later! Thanks for your time xo

Dear girl,
Having sex with that guy not, it's your decision so I have nothing to say about this. But please, take a deep breathe, close your eyes and try to answer these questions for me when you really are relaxed:
1) What would you do to raise a baby if you had one? You're only 14, what kind of job can you have besides babysitting and working at store with very low income? While raising a child costs tons of thing: milk, diaper, clothes (babies grow up fast you know), and not to mention when they get sick, medicine comes up. What would YOU do?
2) Please, cross the "parents may help me" out of your mind. This baby is yours so it's your duty. Think: What would YOU do if they DO NOT help me?
3) How's about school? Pregnancy may mean you have to quit school for probably a year. Will you be able to catch up with your study together with raising your baby?
4) And about your boyfriend, I really want you to think and answer truly: Does he love you for who you are or he loves you just to have sex?
14 is a beautiful age, please, don't do anything that can harm it. There are thousands of guys out there trying to find their true love. I am sure someone decent and nice and truly loves you is out there searching for you.
Please think before you act.
Love.

"I know how to raise a child. " Really? You've been pregnant, had a child, and breast-fed before? You know what to do when your daughter's about to apply for college? Taking care of newborns in a shelter is one thing. Giving birth, and providing 24/hour care for 18 years+ is quite a different thing. Sure, you know the basics about newborns. That's the easy stuff-- diaper-changing, bottle feeding, whatever. But what about dealing with a toddler's misbehavior in school? Would you be able to afford counselling/medical help if he or she needed it? Could you be involved in the child's life once he or she is in school, given that you'll have to get a job immediately to support it? I highly doubt you'd have have the time. And what about the teenage and young-adult years? You're barely even a teen yourself, but you really think you know how to take care of one? Will you be saving for the kid's college education? If so, how would you also be able to pay for your own college to get a high-paying job? I guess you'll stick with a high school degree...? Good luck supporting a kid while flipping burgers! Yes, you have your family. But you're risking the possibility of putting an intense burden on your family without discussing it with them. I find that to be incredibly selfish. If you're serious about this, you should at least tell them. And I'm sure they'd have quite a few things to say, even if they are anti-choice-- You will be placing this child in terrible situation, and I honestly have no respect for that. No adult would.I know you're telling me not to tell you this, but I have to be honest. For the child's sake. I refuse to tell you what you want to hear.

Also, the answer your boyfriend gave sounds a lot like "I don't want to be a father, but I don't want to tell that you because I want to have sex with you." Do you really think he's being honest? That's a very naive thing to think.

Yeah parenting and pregnancy seem great now, but when those sleepless nights hit, boy howdy, you will remember this conversation. No you most certainly are not ready for a baby. Your body is still growing and so is your mind. You are more likely to have a complicated pregnancy, your baby is more likely to be preterm, and do you really know that your boyfriend would stick around? So many girls have said yes to that question only to find out otherwise. Do yourself a favor and wait until you are 20 years old. It will not kill you to wait. If your boyfriend loves you, he will wait too. And if you must have sex, please go to Planned Parenthood or your personal doctor and obtain the right contraception (birth control) for you. I am old enough to be your mother, and maybe wise enough too, so please listen to me. You will not regret it. God bless.

Yeah parenting and pregnancy seem great now, but when those sleepless nights hit, boy howdy, you will remember this conversation. No you most certainly are not ready for a baby. Your body is still growing and so is your mind. You are more likely to have a complicated pregnancy, your baby is more likely to be preterm, and do you really know that your boyfriend would stick around? So many girls have said yes to that question only to find out otherwise. Do yourself a favor and wait until you are 20 years old. It will not kill you to wait. If your boyfriend loves you, he will wait too. And if you must have sex, please go to Planned Parenthood or your personal doctor and obtain the right contraception (birth control) for you. I am old enough to be your mother, and maybe wise enough too, so please listen to me. You will not regret it. God bless.

Yeah parenting and pregnancy seem great now, but when those sleepless nights hit, boy howdy, you will remember this conversation. No you most certainly are not ready for a baby. Your body is still growing and so is your mind. You are more likely to have a complicated pregnancy, your baby is more likely to be preterm, and do you really know that your boyfriend would stick around? So many girls have said yes to that question only to find out otherwise. Do yourself a favor and wait until you are 20 years old. It will not kill you to wait. If your boyfriend loves you, he will wait too. And if you must have sex, please go to Planned Parenthood or your personal doctor and obtain the right contraception (birth control) for you. I am old enough to be your mother, and maybe wise enough too, so please listen to me. You will not regret it. God bless.

I think you'll regret not being able to have the teen/college life. You know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. And your boyfriend might've said he'd say, but you also said he'd be "disappointed". So think about that, you having a baby would obviously make him unhappy. And even if he tries to stick around and be a good dad, he might end up resenting the baby, or even you, for not being able to have the teen/college life he wants. You might feel ready for the baby, but HE might not. He said he'd try, not that he was ready or felt ready. Also, even if you are ready now, there's no harm in waiting. You'll be able to have a baby when you're older, but you won't be able to go back in time and have the fun highschool or college experience.

P.S. My sister got pregnant at sixteen, on her very first time. So YES, you can totally get pregnant even though it's your first time.

I'm not a judger therefore I will not judge, no matter how judgmental this might seem... So, I'm also 14. Yes babies may seem great and lovable and I know reading this that you would be a great mother! However, there is a time for everything and right now this is not our time. Babies are hard. When you have a full time support to them, you start to really feel it. You say the dad will stay? He might. Maybe for the beginning. But statistics show that ALMSOT 90 percent he won't forever. You'll end up broken up by 18. The baby? Won't ever get it easy. You can't provide the baby with everything it needs at 14! And neither can the father. Your parents, friends, and family would help? Somewhat. Friends might stick by your side but the fact of the matter is that when the popular jock or head cheerleader at school is throwing a house party... Your friends would much rather be there than helping you raise it. Your parents might help but at the end of the day they're going to want you to learn how to do it on your own, and give you unimaginable responsibilities. One day, you would look back and regret not being able to live the "teenage dream." College is also costly and time consuming, can you imagine doing it with a baby? Possible, but surely not worthy. If it's an accident, then it's a mistake you'll have to pay for the rest of your life. But if it's on purpose, you're going to resent ever thinking it up. Please, just wait a little longer. You won't regret waiting till your 20's I promise :)

Thank you for taking the time and responding to my question! It means a lot.. Thanks :) and sorry it was all scattered out and etc. I was really tired when I wrote that. But again.. Thank you so much! :)

No problemmm :) love helping people and no worries didnt even notice the scattering aaha!

Won;t your midlife crisis result in you going crazy and doing all the things you needed to get out of your system when you're young?
I'd say get it out of your system now, then have kids, make sure you're ready
But hey, I don't got anything against teen moms, just be careful and make the right choices sweetie

Thank you so much. :)

As a mother of three girls one of which is your age I personally would be devastated if my daughter came to me and said she was pregnant. I believe accidents happen and it sounds to me that you have thought a lot through. Sounds to me like you are wise beyond your years. I was 17 when I had my first daughter, I graduated pregnant, I too do not believe in abortion so I support the fact that you would chose to parent your child. I'm not going to lecture you about the difficulties of teenage parenting because that in itself is a learning experience. No one can or will talk you out of y8urban choices and decisions. But I can tell you from my own personal experience that you have to chose wisely the man in which may father your child, you will forever be stuck with them, no matter how wonderful things are now, the future is a mystery. So what I say is think not into the immediate future but into the far future where you realize you gave up so much to be the perfect mother that maybe you make some not so great choices later on in your life that not only affect you but your child too...best of luck and wishes.

Thank you so much. This has helped me a lot. You know I could still finish school also! But having a child is a huge responsibility.. It's not all about the cute giggles and smiles. It's another human being that I'd be having in my life for my life. I wouldn't give up my baby girl/boy for anything either, so if I got pregnant I would keep him/ her. But I'm not having sex anytime soon so that's a good thing. I'm staying focused on my education. But then again if it happened, I wanted to share this story with you all. I think I'd be disappointed in myself if I took the test and it came out positive. But remember, "if you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to take care of the child you brought into this world." I'm not going to try and get pregnant either. I'm gonna be extremely safe, but if it happens the baby is staying with me. Again throwing away all the fun.. Is not a problem. If I was old enough to have sex & end up pregnant, I shouldn't regret it in the future. But thank you sooooo so much. :) sorry for writing the long paragraph about "baby!" I was extremely tired and just wrote it. I should've written it better. My aunt also had her first kid at 14, well pregnant at 14 and had my 15 year old cousin at 15. So I'm gonna try not to follow her foot steps. My mom had me at 18. She said it wasn't that hard raising me, but if I was to raise my own child. I wouldn't find it extremely hard. It'd probably be a little easy for me. When I think about it, it's not about holding him/her all the time or just dressing the baby up like a play doll.. It's not. It's a huge responsibility that needs to be taken care of. I would want to give him/ her everything I never had <3 & try to be the best mommy, as well with the daddy. thanks again!