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Pregnant And 43 Next Month?!

I am 42 years old (43 next month) and just found out that somehow although less than 1% likelihood I beat the odds unintentionally and found myself pregnant! I have 3 beautiful children ages 21, 17 and 13 and considered myself done with childbearing and raising a baby! My new " significant other" is 55 years old and he has fathered no children of his own and never gotten anyone pregnant. We are both quite frankly, baffled this has happened and due to the stage in our lives and our ages, we are uncertain what we plan to do. I am extremely healthy and as a result , likely to maintain a healthy pregnancy at this time despite the documented risks associated with pregnancy at my age. My good friend is an ob/gyn and although a discussion in past months, he would have advised against this. I am not sure I am able to consider raising another at my age. Given the fact partly I am very independent, having had a career I am recently laid off of work due to the poor economy, my initial reaction to this pregnancy was "no way can I go through with this". But now I am at a 50/50 point with deciding if this is something I might consider. I am aware through reading information that miscarriage is a definite possibility at my age.... And termination of this pregnancy is also a possibility which makes me feel a little unwary given the fact this would be my boyfriends one and only natural child and he comes from A family of 12 children (his siblings) who may actually be thrilled to learn he will be a father! I realize thus is a personal decision for us to make. His thoughts are pretty much the same as mine. Do we want to raise a baby at our age and also go forward with this pregnancy despite the possible risks we may encounter? What would my older children and our friends and family think? On another note, a part of me thinks "things happen for a reason". I am 5 weeks along now and actually feel quite well physically, not overly tired, hungry or nausea at all as with my prior pregnancies when u was a younger mother, which is a blessing! Any helpful insight on this? :)
Sgotymme Sgotymme 41-45, F 6 Responses Sep 22, 2010

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Friends?

Just found out I am pregnant, Im 42 and my partner is 52, my only child is 21 and has Autism, he has one daughter who is 28. We live a a comfortable life, not rich by any means, I have no insurance through my job. Guess being in shock, im running through my options of keeping it, aborting or adoption. I fear the risks associated with this pregnancy, if the child has a disabillity, Ive been down that road, dont really wanna do it again. we were just planning a trip to Rome, but now that is on hold.. Very torn on what to do ...

I am wondering if you are still monitoring this post...and what the outcome was.

I am 43 and have a 17yr old son who will graduate HS in June. Given that I was an only child, I never wanted him to be one....but my ex-husband left when he was 11 mos, and while I met my current partner when my son was 13mos old, we never had a child of our own. I had 2 miscarriages years ago...then nothing. I actually thought I was headed into menopause when my cycle was late...but SURPRISE...I'm now almost 7 weeks.

I have some of the same issues you did. The due date for this baby is one week after my son is supposed to have graduation. Given that he was a c-section, this one will be too...and they will never let me go full term. I know it may sound terrible to some, but I have worked long and hard to see my son graduate with all the honors he will be receiving....I can not even think about a birth overshadowing that day for me...and more importantly for him. NOTHING should be more important, and he has earned the right to be the "most important thing" that day. On another note, I may not even be recovered enough to attend depending upon actual delivery date and/or the way things go. If I do, I'll be toting a 1wk old nursing baby to graduation 8(.

I have dreamed over and over of the last "family" summer before my son goes off to college...the road trips, the shopping for the dorm...bringing him to college and getting him set...picturing that with a 2mo old in tow really changes things for all of us.

Above and beyond all that is the fact that I feel I have earned my freedom, so to speak! I am VERY used to coming and going as I please. If I want coffee, I just hop out and run in....not possible with a baby. Before you condemn me, consider that I am actually being honest and considerate of the fact that I am, admittedly, selfish of my time and freedom. I sleep in if I choose, I walk for exercise, etc....all on my schedule.

Add to that the fact that I have an autoimmune thyroid disease. It, at times, debilitates me. I have a severe disability in my hands related to both that and a severe car accident that has left me disabled from work as a nurse. I have a tremendous amount of pain all the time, and am actually terrified at the prospect of being unable to take my daily 800mg of ibuprofen or my occasional Vicodin for 34 more weeks.

ON THE OTHER HAND....

a tiny piece of me wants SO badly to be excited. My other half, while not shouting from the rooftops, seems to have accepted this, and may even be happy about it...he has no other children of his own, but has helped me raise my son for 16 of his 17 yrs. His mother will be thrilled...mine will probably cry.

It is such a mixed bag of emotions...and I have only just begun to deal with it because I kept telling myself that if I WAS pregnant, I would probably miscarry.

I got my 2nd positive test today...so I am calling my Maternal Fetal Health doc tomorrow a.m. After I know more, I guess we will decide if we go through with this....knowing it is (most probably) our last shot at parenting.

If you (or anyone else) is still monitoring this...PLEASE tell me what happened, or how you are doing!

(PS...PLEASE...if you are a right to life advocate, I have no desire to be lectured. I wont try to cram my beliefs down your throat, so don't bother trying to cram yours down mine! THANKS! My experiences as a nurse have shown me things that have strengthened my belief that abortion is a good, viable alternative for some...and you will not influence that!)

You have to think of whether you'd regret more HAVING a baby now, or NOT HAVING a baby now.

Realistically, it is probably your last chance (statistics tell us anyway) to conceive naturally.

As you know, kids bring lots of joy, but also lots of hard work. Only you know how you will cope emotionally and physically. Best of luck for your decision, hope its the right one for you.

life is a gift. It certianly was not creted by you or your boyfriend, Relish in the fact that yu were chosen to give birth to a child that could one day change the world. What a sad waste to terminate the life that was given to you. Maybe if you see the sweet heart beat, you will remember the joy and value of life. I pray you make a decision that will bring you peace and no regrets. Also, your children, nor your friends will be carrying or raising this child. Why does their opinion hold importance in the decision as to whether to terminate the life of this child. you were chosen to carry this child, because you are the best one for him/her.

First of all, congratulations! 42 is definitely not too old to have a child.....I know quite a few women who have just had their first child at that age. My husband and I were deliberating on whether we should have a third or not, we already have a 13 and 8 year old. Unfortunately I suffer from an autoimmune disease which effects my joints very badly so after much thought we decided against it just incase I became more ill, it would not be fair on the rest of my family. If I was healthy I would definitely have another, my husband would dearly love another but we are more than satisfied with are two girls. Given as your partner does not have any biological children I would think he would be quite regretful if you did terminate this pregnancy...this could be his only chance, and yours as well. Think carefully before you make any decisions...best of luck.

H